Chapter 59 The Weight Of Words
Annabel's hands felt heavy with the folded paper. She took it from Fred with trembling fingers. The handwriting was hurried almost frantic and it was a note.
She felt a shock when she saw Carson's handwriting. Her nostrils caught. Slowly as though it might break she unfolded the paper. Initially the words were hazy. After that they became clear.
Dear Annabel
Please listen. I apologize.
I was mistaken. I was an idiot. I ought to have pursued you and told my mother to burn in hell. But I didn't. I didnt realize I already had everything but I was terrified of losing it all. The most significant aspect of my life was already gone.
I need you. I need you to help me do this. Please come back. I'm going to fix it. I'll defend you. I'll defend us. You are everything to me Annabel. You're my home. Come back to me please.
Always yours
Carson.
Annabel's vision became hazy. Tears came hot and different than before. Not of suffering but of an agonizing mixture of relief and grief.
Her tears was soaking into the paper. With a sob catching in her throat she held it to her chest.
Fred's voice sounded like a hum. “He came here again. He was trying to summon the courage to knock while pacing outside. I was getting a glass of water. He caught my eye from the window. You weren't prepared to see him and I knew it. So I went outside.”
He took a moment. “He appeared. . . broken. He was just raking his hand through his hair. It appeared as though he had lost everything. I heard it all from him. His mothers command. All of it.”
Fresh tears filled Annabel's eyes as she gazed at him.
She muttered “You spoke to him?”
Fred gave a nod. “Yea. I advised him to compose a letter and return when he was prepared to address you as a man not a boy. He handed this to me. He feared you would disregard him.”
She laughed unsteadily.
“And I did.” she muttered.
Her hands gripped the letter as she gazed down at it. “How did it come to you?”
Fred said in a quiet voice “I approached him. He looked disorganized. He was moving in a pacing motion. He said he was going insane, that he needed to see you. I told him to write a letter and go home. You had something to cling to when he wasn't there.”
Annabel's tears came again as she looked up at Fred. She had always been protected by this man who was also her friend. When no one else was there he was.
She was spared from herself by him. He had been a pillar of support for her. With a fresh stream of tears streaming down her face she threw her arms around him.
She whispered into his shoulder “Thank you. I'm grateful Fred…for everything.”
His arms dangled at his sides and for a moment he was rigid. He then slowly lifted his arms and encircled her swiftly and tenderly embracing her.
The touch didn't appeal to him. It was a straightforward gesture. Using the back of her hand to wipe her eyes she withdrew.
“I must look terrible.” Despite her tears she made an effort to smile.
Fred gave a little chuckle. “You look better now.”
She agreed letting out a little giggle. “I do.”
Looking down she saw her old sweatpants and rumpled t-shirt.
“I need to change from this clothes I'm putting on. I need to go back. I need to see him.”
Fred remained silent. All he did was nod and observe her as she made her way to her room. In the living room he waited for her while keeping his hands in his jeans pockets. He did not pace.
He didn't look at his phone. He remained motionless a steady silent presence. Her appearance changed when she came out. The face with the tears was gone.
She had changed into a dress that was simple yet stylish. Her eyes had a fresh gleam to them despite still being slightly red and her hair was combed.
“Are you ready?” he inquired.
She replied in a quiet but firm voice “As I'll ever be.”
He led her to the car.
It was a lengthy and quiet drive. She simply gazed out the window taking in the passing city lights without saying anything. Her thoughts were racing through her head.
Her feelings, Carson's words and his letter. her altercation with him. What she had said. Her tears were shed. She pondered the weight of his birth and his mothers cold gaze.
She considered the strength in Victoria's face that she had witnessed. The love and strength in Carson's letter also crossed her mind. She knows that he was a decent man. He was simply torn between two realities.
Her heart ached for him She was aware that he was in a similar predicament to her own. For him she needed to have strength. His strength had to be hers.
Fred didn't say anything. He merely drove the var The car eventually slid into the mansions lengthy driveway. With the gentle light from the lampposts the grounds were spotless.
The mansion, a symbol of wealth and authority loomed. Fred shut off the engine and parked the vehicle near the front door. The silence was overwhelming. Their quiet breathing was the only sound they made as they sat there for a while.
At last Annabel faced him her heart pounding in her chest.
“I'm grateful Fred. For everything.”
Fred's mouth formed a thin smile. “You know where I stay.” he said.
With her hand on the handle of the car door she nodded. She inhaled sharply. She told herself rather than him Ill be fine.
She unlocked the door. She put her hand on the door frame. Stopping she turned to give him one last firm hug.
Then they heard a voice outside.
A voice that cut through the silence.“Ana?”