Chapter 111

Chapter 111
A/N: Sorry this chapter took a minute. I needed to really get it the way I wanted. This deals with trauma, and dealing with it. Everyone in their own right is strong, but everyone also has a limit.
Noah
I felt like an automaton this morning… but at least today the chief only wanted us in for a briefing on the party, so we could speak with the church representatives and city council on what to do about the tidal wave of changes that the vampires are about to unleash….
I told myself to get it together!
I’m about to be in a room of the most important people in the city, and I don’t want them to see me as weak…. I have to be strong.
I blinked, and I saw an image, a single still frame of that little boat boy in the boat, ladling blood…
It was so excessive…. 
How many gallons of human blood were mixed in with barrels of wine for that kid to just float around in it? The smile on his face was as fake as mine will be when I go downstairs.
I didn’t have time for whatever this was, but at the same time, I couldn’t shake it. I’d already dressed, and called dibs on making breakfast, but I felt a little hollow…
Clothes for a puppet… A fed pet.
That was what I thought when I gave myself a onceover in the mirror. I couldn’t even look at myself.
Why didn’t I say more?
Why did I play along? But at the same time, that wasn’t the time, nor the place…. All that would have done was cause issues… 
It is weakness to show emotion around them, so any passionate rant I’d come up with would have been responded with laughter, or mocking…. Or kicked out before we could hear their plans. I made out enough…. But Jerald explained it last night.
Vampires specialize in infiltrating the population, and using politics for their political gain… They bribe those in charge with money, or dangle immortality in front of greedy men who want more from life than they need. Those men would rather trade their freedom and become thralls than be happy with what they have.
It’s more than just money, or the neighborhoods… Those communities become financially and physically drained of money and blood. Those people who are forced to live there will see crime double until those areas become slums. Then, adjacent to those areas, blood banks pop up. Close enough to be near the community, but not so close that they have to see what they’ve done. Laws are passed with their influence; education programs are cut, while blue-collar training and positions are also cut.
It leaves the people without means to work and make livable wages…. It will force people to get creative, and some of that creativity will land some people in jail. There, blood donation is optional during doctor visitations, but it gives them yard time… 
It breaks my heart…. Yeah, there are still choices of course, but people aren’t thinking about outcomes when their kids are hungry, or they want more from life. Gods, I wanted more when I was helping my family…. And in New Apple, if you’re put on the streets, there’s not much out there beyond blood banks and soup kitchens…
In Razor Heights, you’re just as likely to get snatched by a werewolf as you could be mugged by a human at knifepoint… That’s what they want to do here. In slums, people go missing all the time… 
“Are you alright?!” Shouted Jerold.
 He was already downstairs, paying Mrs. Dudley. They did all the major stuff while we were gone yesterday, so honestly today all we asked for was tidying up the living room.
“Yeah! I’m making you steak and eggs. I think I just want eggs and toast today.” I shouted honestly, but I still felt defeated.
I get to make food. I get to have this nice life…. And I get to sit here, and watch what happens. But my hands are also tied. There’re no laws forbidding vampires from impacting their local economy. All fae who live among humans do it. It’s how they survive….
I brushed my teeth, got on my uniform, and had a fake smile as I went downstairs. I waved the Dudley family goodbye since they left early, likely to the dragon lord’s house, and I got food. I made my mate’s first.
Looking in the fridge, seeing the meat… I hid my cringe. None of it was man meat, but that there was so much of it reminded me of all the blood… But I didn’t hesitate, and alert him that I wasn’t ok.
I put on breakfast. He was easy to cook for. All Jerold wants is some lightly salted, pretty much warmed on the pan rare T-bone steak, and his eggs scrambled. 
His eggs ate all the grease in the pan, and I just threw on two more eggs and four toasts after with butter. I initially thought I would at least enjoy that…
…. The smell disgusted me as I sat our food down…. 
It seemed like there wasn’t as much color in the room today, despite the knickknacks I’ve been putting up here because I think they look interesting…
Even though I was the one who made breakfast this morning, and I made it the way I like it, it was bland. Jerold scarfed it down with the steak I seared for him, but he had no idea I felt this way.
I’m blocking this. His day doesn’t need to be altered because of me.
I don’t know how I got this far either, but I would keep trying….. They do have counselors at the precinct, and I would utilize it.
The smell of meat, the look of it reminded me of my own people… I took our plates, and began to wash the dishes.
“Dear.” Said Jerold sweetly.
“Huh?”
I bumped into a warm wall. With his hands on my hips, I felt his concern for me. The mate bond did that, since I guess he knew something was up. He turned off the water, and held me from behind for a moment.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
I don’t know how he was so fast, but Jerold blocked the door.
“We’re going to be late,” I said firmly, looking him in the eyes. There was no red in them, as he leaned down, and rested his head on top of mine gently.
We needed to go, so we could help plan out how to deal with the vampires.
“They can wait, I can talk to them over the phone, or they can come here.” He said just as firmly. “I don’t know how you feel, but I know you’re not ok.”
“I…. I don’t know if I can put it in a way you’ll get it.” I said honestly.
Jerold, as relatable as he is, as casual as my mate behaves, won’t get it…not fully I don’t think. After all, he’s strong enough, rich enough, and high enough rank to simply change what he doesn’t like.
“Then speak your piece.” He said as comforting as he could. His voice was low and calm. I could feel the tone, the weight of how he worried for me with every dip in his voice…
I blinked, and I saw what Father Angelo did to his victim, and the pile of the other vampires.