Chapter 92 Chapter Ninety-Two

Chapter 92 Chapter Ninety-Two
Elena's POV

"You don't want to?" The words left my lips in a whisper, but they echoed loudly between us. Nikolai stood frozen, his lips parted to say a word, yet no words came, not a single word. His silence cut deeper than any rejection ever could. I didn't seem to understand him. One minute he was confessing his undying love for me, how he was not able to stand his brother touching me, and the next he was developing cold feet. I looked at him. Just say the words, you want to. My heart urged him, but I couldn't say those words out loud; I couldn't force him to say those words even if I wanted him to. Instead of replying to me, he reached for me, his fingers only an inch away from my hand.

"Elena, things aren't that..." I shook my head, withdrew from him before he could touch me.

"No," a tear rolled down my cheek, and I quickly brushed it away, "Just forget it," his expression crumbled

"Please, let me explain; these things aren't as simple as you think." He exhaled as frustration hit him, "There is..." I shut my eyes. I have heard that like a thousand times from him just a few minutes with him, I managed a bitter smile.

"I have heard enough."

"Elena," he took my name again and tried to reach for my hands again. I didn't let him finish before I grabbed the doorknob, pulled the door open, and stepped into the hallway, the moment I crossed the threshold, I slammed the door shut behind me, the sound echoed through the corridor for a second, I stood perfectly still, then I heard a muffled curse erupt from inside the room.

"Fuck!" Followed by a loud crashed, something heavy struck the floor, then another bang, as if he had kick a chair, or maybe the desk, I closed my eyes, part of me wanted to go back to him, to open the door to asked if he is hurt to tell him, I understand everything he was trying to explain to me but the other part of me disagree, that part that still had some dignity left force my feet to move, if he truly wanted me, he would have stopped me instead he chose silence again, he chosen to hide under his brother's shade. Someone that didn't even regard me as his woman. My eyes went to my finger that Rafael's ring was resting on, like some symbol of a curse, no longer a blessing. I walked down the hallway with slow, heavy steps. Every part of me felt exhausted. By the time I reached my bedroom door, my eyes were burning from holding back more tears. I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob, just as I was about to open it. I heard a voice behind me.

"Babe!" I froze; it was Rafael. I wondered why he was searching for me everywhere, as if I had suddenly become the missing part of him he couldn't stay without. I shut my eyes for a brief moment. I forced every broken piece of myself back behind a mask. I couldn't afford to make him see how sad I was. I tried a practiced smile before I finally turned around and came face to face with him.

"Hey," the smile on my lips felt painfully fake. Rafael walked toward me, completely oblivious to the storm raging inside me. Of course, he wouldn't have noticed, even if I had worn that sane expression to stare at him; he still wouldn't get the picture.

"Where have you been?" He asked, "I have been looking for you everywhere." I blinked twice. "For a second I thought you were...." He paused, my brows furrowed.

"I was?" I asked. He hesitated, then shrugged.

"Never mind, where have you been?" For a brief second, I thought he would imply that I was with his brother. Somehow, he had abandoned that thought. My brows furrowed, feeling disappointed inwardly. Maybe I just needed him to say those words so I could use it as an excuse to call off the engagement, but none of that happened.

"I told you," I kept my voice even, "I was going to get water from the kitchen."

"Yes but..." Before he could finish, I interrupted him.

"Why were you looking for me?" He scratched the back of his neck.

"Oh," he lifted a luxury shopping bag. I stared at him blankly, then I remembered how Nikolai had held that kind of bag, how I had desperately wanted to know what was inside. I was curious, but with Rafael, I didn't seem to be excited about it. I didn't want to know what was in there. He smiled sheepishly, "Since we are going to your grandfather's house tonight, I thought you could wear this." My gaze shifted to the bag, I guess it's a dress, probably an expensive one, but I didn't see him with this earlier, if Rafael had this all morning, he would have come with it in the morning, when he appeared in my room unannounced, he smiled proudly as he pushed it towards me, "I asked Arabella to help me." The moment he said that name, I didn't even let him finish. I slapped the bag away, and it fell onto the floor with a dull thud. Rafael stared at me in shock. "Elena!" He called looking shock and surprise at my actions, he didn't expect it, my breathing became uneven, I couldn't stop myself from getting mad, I hated to hear the name Arabella, because somehow Rafael couldn't even go a day without rubbing that woman name in my face, I just can't believe the woman whose voice I had heard in the background while he ignore me in New year's Eve, the woman who he kept saying she is my secretary, is now the same woman, he thinks had a better taste then me, I can't believe this man, I can't believe that I had been too stupid to tell my dad that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. Slowly, I retrieved my gaze from the bag on the floor, and I looked back at him.

"You let Arabella pick wears for me?" He frowned

"I thought she had better taste than you." Better taste than me? The words hit like another slap. I laughed softly; a broken laugh left my lips.

"Of course, she does."

"What does that mean?" He asked.

"It means..." I stopped myself, then I swallowed hard, shaking my head, it's not worth it, "Nothing." I bent down, picked up the shopping bag, "I will just get dressed." He looked at me. "I think," I turned to face him while my hand reached for my doorknob. "I will leave early." His brows furrowed.

"But your grandfather specifically asked us to arrive together." I held his gaze before I sighed inwardly.

"Then you should come later." His confusion deepened.

"What? We always go to your family function together?"

"I know, just come alone."

"But Elena..." I pulled the doorknob without giving him another chance to speak. I pushed the bedroom door and walked into it before I shut the door. The room suddenly felt unbearably small and suffocating. I threw the shopping bag to the bed carelessly. For a brief second, I just stared at the closed door; my body trembled violently with anger.

"Damn that bastard," the curse slipped out before I could stop it. I wasn't even sure which of the Alessandro’s that was the bastard I was referring to. If it was Rafael, for making another woman a part of our relationship without realizing how much it hurt, or was it Nikolai, for loving me with his eyes while denying me with his words? With a frustrated cry, I grabbed the shopping bag from the bed, and threw it once more, and it landed upside down on the floor, the elegant dress spilled halfway out of the bag, I didn't bother looking at it, I sank into the edge of the mattress, while I let hot uncontrollably tears run down my cheeks, I buried my face in my palms and sobbed until my chest hurt. How did my life become so complicated? I was engaged to one who barely noticed me unless it was convenient, while I was in love with another who refused to admit what we both felt for each other, and now I am caught somewhere in between, slowly losing myself. "I hate this," I whispered through my tears, "I hate all of this." I stayed in that position for minutes that, past, I couldn't tell if it was twenty or thirty, but eventually, the crying eased into quiet sniffles, I walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water over my face, when I looked into the mirror, the woman staring back at me, was nothing like the woman, I am, she looked exhausted. My eyes were red, and my cheeks were blotchy, I splash more water to my face, 'you can't let Grandpa see you like this," I murmured, while I carefully dried my face and took several slow breaths until my expression softened, not happy, just good enough to show that I'm happy. When I returned to the bedroom, my eyes landed on the shopping bag, for a moment, I considered wearing the dress but after much thought, I shook my head. "No, I wasn't putting that thing on me." Today, I wasn't going to wear something another woman had chosen for me, I opened my suitcase instead and pulled out a simple but elegant outfit that I loved, something that felt like me, after laying it on the bed, I picked up my phone, there was only one person I trusted enough to ask for help that wouldn't hesitate, Carson my little uncle. I scrolled to his contact and pressed call, the phone rang twice before he answered.

"Hello little niece," his warm voice instantly made me feel a little less alone.

"Hey," I forced myself to speak. There was a pause before he sighed.

"You have been crying." It wasn't a question, I closed my eyes.

"Is it obvious?" I found myself asking, Carson sighed.

"Oh Elena," he called softly, "I have known you too long to tell when my baby is not happy." His voice became gentler. "Tell me, what did that asshole do to you this time?"

"I will tell you later." Another silence then he sighed.

"What do you need? You are coming for Grandpa's party, right?" I took a deep breath.

"Yes, but can you do me a favor?"

"Anything for my baby," I laughed.

"Can you pick me up?" He didn't hesitate.

"Of course, anything for you, but it's Rafael not coming. I heard the old man wanted to see him?" I shut my eyes for a brief moment before answering.

"He is coming but I didn't want to ride with Rafael." His tone hardened slightly.

"Did he do something again?" He asked the same question, he asked earlier.

"Like I said I will explain when we meet."

"Alright, I will be on my way," I smiled faintly. "Shannon would be excited that you came before the party; she is missing you already." Relief washed over me, at least in a few hours, I will be around those who love me genuinely.

"Thank you, little uncle." He chuckled.

"You never have to thank me, niece." His answer was immediate, "I will always come whenever you call." For the first time that day, a genuine smile touched my lips.

"See you soon." After ending the call, I held the phone tightly against my chest. At least one person hadn't made me question my worth. I slipped into my dress, then grabbed my stuff before pulling Rafael's ring from my fingers and placing it gently on top the drawer. "Goodbye, Rafael."