Chapter 91 Chapter Ninety-one

Chapter 91 Chapter Ninety-one
Elena's POV

"Rafael, did you see Elena?" My body froze as I heard Rafael's voice from behind the door. My breath seemed to stop; the sound not just shattered the moment but built fear in me. My heart lurched so violently I thought it might burst out of my chest.

"Oh my God!" I whispered, looking at Nikolai, waiting for him to say a word, but he didn't, and he didn't pull his fingers from inside me. I tried to pull away, but his huge frame had pinned me in place. Another knock echoed through the room.

"Nikolai," Rafael's voice accompanied the knock this time. Every ounce of warmth drained from my face. I pushed Nikolai with all my strength this time, while I scrambled off Nikolai so quickly I nearly stumbled, frantically smoothing my dress and pushing my hair away from my flushed cheeks.

"Say something," I mouthed, but instead of him saying anything, he pushed his fingers into his mouth, the same fingers he had thrust deep into me; he suck hard on them. "Nikolai, what the fuck are you doing?" I muttered in frustration, as he let out a low groan.

"Nikolai," Rafael called again, my breath hitched, as he rattled the doorknob, I shut my eyes, thinking it would give way, my pulse pounding in my ears, for one terrifying second, I couldn't think I couldn't breathe, all I could do was clamp a hand over my mouth, silently begging Rafael to go away.

"What is it, Rafael?" Nikolai asked almost irritated.

"I said did you..."

"Stop asking me about your teenage fiancée." Nikolai's voice was low and rough, carrying through the room. I can't believe what he just called me, a teenage fiancée? My heart sank at his words. I couldn't believe he just referred to me as a child. I thought he saw me differently. I thought he pulled me into the room because he was jealous, but no, he still thinks I am a child desperate for attention.  On the other side of the door, I heard Rafael chuckle; somehow, it hurt. Did he see me that way too? That's the reason he would rather go to places with Arabella than with me.

"You know," Rafael said, "you could just tell me you haven't seen her instead of calling her names."

"Fuck off." Nikolai's reply came out guttural, almost like a growl forced through clenched teeth. There was a brief silence before Rafael laughed again.

"Wait..." His tone turned teasing. "Are you jerking off?" My eyes widened in horror. What if he thinks Nikolai was making out with me?

"What if I am?" Nikolai answered without missing a heartbeat.

"Ew!" Rafael groaned dramatically, "you are disgusting." I heard Nikolai let out a dry scoff. "Just fix yourself, and Father said you are accompanying him somewhere." Without waiting for a response from Nikolai, I heard Rafael retreating down the hallway, each step grew quieter until silence returned, I released a shaky breath, he was gone, I immediately jumped off the desk where Nikolai had lifted me moments earlier, I didn't want to stay there another second, not after hearing what he had called me, I had barely reached the door when warm fingers wrapped gently around my wrist.

"Elena." I jerked my hand away as though his touch burned, his brows pulled together

"What now?" He looked at me, confused; the confusion in his face only made the ache in my chest worse.

"What did I do now?" His voice was low barely above a whisper, I stared at him

"So..." I swallowed the invisible lump in my throat, "that is how you see me?" He frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"Teenage fiancée." The words tasted bitter on my lips. "You couldn't even call me by my name." his expression changed immediately.

"Elena..."

"So that is all I am to you?" I cut him off, he shook his head

"No!"

"A child?" he parted his lips to say something but I beat him to it. "You think I am just some foolish little girl with a childish crush." His face tightened.

"No, I didn't mean it that way."

"You do."

"No, I don't." His voice sounded desperate. I laughed softly, though there wasn't an ounce of amusement in it.

"Then why say it?" He rubbed a hand over his face in frustration.

"C'mon, you know I only said it because Rafael was there and I needed him to go away." I folded my arms.

"So you had to insult me to protect yourself?" His eyes flashed

"I was trying to stop him from suspecting anything."

"By calling me a teenager?" Saying the words again somehow made me even angrier.

"Sorry, I didn't say it because I wanted to hurt you." He apologized but that still didn't change the fact that I was hurt.

"But it did." When I said that, he just stared at me and didn't even know what to say next, silence stretched between us, I looked away before he could see the tears building in my eyes, sometimes I wondered what was wrong with me, why was it that every word and action of Nikolai hurt me unlike his brother my fiancé? "Geez! Elena!" I called to myself, pushing my fingers through my hair, "What's wrong with you?" I reprimanded myself in front of him. While he just stared, I took a deep breath. My eyes went to him; merely looking at him was enough for me to forget what he just said. His expression was readable and apologetic. "You know what hurts the most?" I forced myself to speak. He took a cautious step toward me.

"What?"

"I keep making excuses for you," I laughed bitterly, "when you pushed me away, I told myself you were protecting me, when you refuse to kiss me, I convinced myself that you were trying to do the right thing, when you wouldn't accept my feelings, I told myself maybe it was all wrong, to be engaged to your brother and desiring you," a tear rolled down my cheek, "but today," I look back at him, 'you made me realize something." His face turned pale, and he shook his head.

"Elena..."

I interrupted him, "You really do see me as some silly child, the spoiled brat of Don Valkor."

"No, I don't, I swear, I don't." He reached for my hand, but I instinctively stepped back; his hand stopped in midair. "I never thought of you as a child."

"Really?" My voice cracked, "because that is exactly how it sounded." He shook his head desperately.

"No, I..." For once, Nikolai couldn't find the right words; the silence hurt more than any explanation could have, yet he forced himself to speak. "I am sorry," he finally whispered, almost defeated. "It's just that..." Yet again he was short of words; he closed his eyes.

"I understand." I found myself saying.

"No, you don't."

"I do." I wiped away another tear. "You think I am too young, confused, reckless, and I don't even know what I wanted because one minute, I am all over Rafael and the next I am clinging to you, begging you for things I should be asking from Rafael." He growled when I said the last words, his jaw tightened and his eyes flickered. I stared at him, confused. That sound he always made when he was mad, and it always sounded animalistic.

"Sorry," he muttered, shutting his eyes, "I didn't mean to and I never said any of that."

"You didn't have to." He moved toward me again.

"Elena listen to me." I raised my hand and stopped him.

"No," this time it was my turn, "I have done enough talking." The study became painfully quiet. "I won't embarrass myself for you anymore." His eyes widened.

"What?"

"You heard me." A sad smile formed on my lips. "I am done chasing someone who keeps running from me."

"I wasn't running."

"Weren't you?" I asked, staring straight at his eyes, waiting for him to say something to say he wanted me and fuck his brother and every stupid engagement we had. When he didn't say a word, I continued, "I am sorry," I whispered. "For putting you in such an uncomfortable position."

"You never..."

"I am sorry for making you feel like I was trying to seduce you." His face fell.

"No," he shook his head.

"I am sorry for misunderstanding your hospitality for care," his breathing became uneven.

"Elena, you know that's not true."

"I won't make that mistake again." This time, I let my tears slip from my eyes just as another escaped mine. He reached for my hand, and I pulled away before he could touch me. The hurt in his face almost broke my resolve.

"I don't deserve your tears," he murmured. "And don't think I feel nothing for you, because if I don't, I won't be jealous; I wouldn’t get irritated when you sit at my brother's legs." He sighed deeply, throwing his head up. "I swear I couldn't bear to see you with my brother, because I want you to myself." The last part got me, I turned sharply to him.

"You want me?" I asked. I almost wanted to hit my head against a wall, for someone who just resolved not to bother him again, here she is wanting desperately to hear him admit he wanted just her.

"Yes, I do." I smiled at his words.

"Then come with me to my grandfather's party and tell everyone that you want to marry me." He choked at my words; his eyes widened, and his shoulders were slumped.

"Elena..."

"You don't want to?"