Chapter 68 A Visit to the cemetery
After filling them in on who Mama Kaka was, I went over to sign them out, before I took them towards my car. Willow got her lollipop while they took River's drawing to paste on the wall after getting my permission. I wanted to refuse but saw how much River's eyes sparkled at their offer, which was why I let them have it. After all, I had more than enough of his paintings hanging on my wall.
If I needed more, I would just ask him to draw one for me to paste on our wall, to show off to any who might visit us.
"Are we using your car or mine?" Dashiell asked when we walked over to him. He drew away from his car, smiling as he glanced towards my babies, who shyly waved at him.
"I will drive my kids. We will follow your car," I said, not missing a beat. There was no use thinking about it.
He looked disappointed. I could tell he wanted to be in the same car with us. However, he didn't protest about it. Nodding, he walked over to his car while I helped my kids in and buckled them up for the ride.
"Why is Mr Dashiell going with us?" River asked when I joined them in the car.
"He knows who Mama Kaka is," I responded with a smile. "Not only that, but he's the only one who knows where she was resting."
"Oh, that's good." Willow relaxed back on the seat. "Mum, why did you say he's a dangerous man?"
"Yes, why did you call him that when he's not bad? He even helped us in your absence!" River added.
I heaved a sigh. "He's not that awful."
"But you said he's dangerous!" River argued, eager to get me to tell him why I called him dangerous. "Did he do anything wrong, mum?"
"Not at all." I sent a smile at them through the rearview mirror, as I kept half of my focus on the road, and Dashiell's car. "I just didn't trust him enough. Don't worry, he won't hurt you. He's not that
bad.
"Oh."
They said nothing after that. They silently watched the cars zooming past us, nodding to the beat of the music I was playing. The ride to the cemetery only took us 30 minutes. "We are here," I announced, parking my car next to Dashiell's. "Let's go, kids."
I exited my car, and opened the door for them, helping them unbuckle before I let them out. Dashiell was already out. He stood by his car waiting for us to exit. He walked over to us, smiling as he ruffled the kid's hair.
"Let's go." He turned and strode down the path, while I tried to keep up with him, holding my kids. The cemetery wasn't that bad. Though I hadn't been to one before, I had seen enough on television to think they were supposed to be as spooky as the ones in the movie.
As I walked through the cemetery's entrance, a sense of serenity washed over me. The soft rustle of leaves and chirping of birds fill the air, a stark contrast to the sombre atmosphere that lay beneath.
I looked down at my kids, who didn't seem as scared as I thought they would be. Before we left the school, I asked them if they wanted to accompany me or wished to stay back with Mara at home, where they were safe, but they refused. They wanted to meet Mama Kaka.
"Mum, why is there so silent?" Willow whispered, the wind carrying her voice and creating a chilling echo.
"Because it's the cemetery, silly," River answered before I could do that. "Have you forgotten what Miss Agatha taught us? She said a graveyard is the most silent place in the entire world." "Oh. I get it now."
Smiling at my babies, I hurried after Dashiell.
The deeper we went, the faster his steps became until I could almost sense the urgency in his steps. Dashiell slowed down when we came to a particular grave. He turned to look at me, his gaze urging me to walk fast, which I did. I hurried over to him and stopped at the grave he was looking down on.
My kids look up at us with curious eyes, as if sensing the gravity of the moment. We stop in front of a grave adorned with fresh flowers and a familiar name. I drew in a deep breath, feeling a lump form in my throat as memories flooded my mind.
I recalled the first time I met Mama Kaka, and how we clicked. She was the only one who ever took me for what I was, a human.
"Mama Kaka," I sighed, letting go of my kids, so I could kneel in front of her. With my urgency to get to her grave, I forgot to pick flowers on my way. "I'm sorry," I whispered, staring at the familiar picture. It was the one she took on her 60th birthday. I reached out to stroke it as more tears streamed down my eyes. "I'm sorry it took me so long to return," I continued, sniffing back tears.
Dashiell and my kids stood behind me and watched me bawl my eyes out, apologizing to Mama Kaka. I didn't know how much I was holding things on until that moment when I finally let it all out. I couldn't keep them in any more.
"It's okay, Mummy," Willow said, as she took my hand in hers. River wiped my tears while consoling me. "Stop crying, mum."
Dashiell took the kids out of the cemetery to give me some time alone with Mama Kaka. Even though I didn't ask him for it, he knew it was what I wanted at the moment.
I stood alone in the quiet graveyard, surrounded by the silence of the departed. My eyes fixate on the grave before me. The name etched in stone was a reminder of the one I lost. My heart felt like it was drowning in a sea of grief, the weight of guilt crushing me.
Five years ago, I made the hardest decision of my life-I left. I thought I was doing what was best for me, for my future. But now, I'm consumed by the feeling that my departure was the catalyst for her demise.
What if I had stayed? What if I had been there for her? Would she still be alive? Even if she died, would she have died happy?
Tears streamed down my face as I relived the memories we shared. I remember her smile, her laughter, her unwavering support. I felt like I abandoned her when she needed me most. The pain of losing her was suffocating, and the guilt ate away at me.
I reached out to touch the headstone as if it could connect me to her once more. "I'm so sorry," I whispered, the words barely audible. "I was so selfish. I should have been there for you."
The wind whispered through the trees as if responding to my questions. I could only stand here, consumed by sorrow and regret, wondering what could have been if only I had stayed.
But I knew it wasn't my fault. I did it for my babies. Had I not left, I would have been the one at the other end. I would have met an end, and my babies wouldn't have been born.
"I'm sorry, Mama Kaka. I hope you will find a place in your heart to forgive me." I wiped the tears off my face, forcing a smile as I sniffed. "Did you see your great-grandkids? I brought them to meet you. They are now grown-ups. You don't have to worry about me anymore. I will make sure I tell them about you. You will forever be remembered."