CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT: PAINFUL LETTING GO.

MILES:

Her words melted my heart. I leaned in and kissed her passionately, savoring every moment as our tongues danced together. Going back to my seat, I told her everything that had happened in her absence and how Neymar and Britney were involved.

"We can never truly know anyone, I guess." She also told me everything that had happened when Alan took her and how she was able to escape.

We spent an hour talking, interspersed by moments of light laughter and occasional sobs from her. I was surprised that we both had the energy to converse after our lovemaking. Though I had her, though she had forgiven me, though everything was over, I still felt guilt. I felt a heavy burden of guilt because I believed I could have saved Christian.

"Meredith, I have something to tell you."

She moved onto her side to face me. "Go ahead," she said, beaming with a smile.

"I think I might be responsible for Christian's death," I confessed.

She shot upright. "How so?"

I sat up too and narrated the whole incident that had transpired that night. She listened attentively, tears swelling in her eyes. "I am sorry. If only I had let him in, maybe he would still have been alive. But, I doubted the sincerity of his request for help. Moreover, when I was about to leave the restaurant, a girl fainted and nobody was doing anything about it. I had Brandon drive her to the hospital. Even the man she was with that night simply didn't care."

No, Miles. That was a selfish move. You are just creating excuses for what you could have averted.

The tears let free as she shut her eyes, staying silent.

I reached for her hand, which was shaking. "Talk to me. You have the right to be mad at me. Yell. Beat me. Just do or say something."

"That girl you guys saved was me."

"And who was the guy? Alan?"

She nodded. Damn. That imbecile. It only angered me that I wasn't the one who killed him. I should have been. He had hurt this girl over and over.

"Christian's death was meant to happen. It wasn't your fault." She lay back on the seat.

"Does that mean you are not angry?"

Ignoring my question, she said with a yawn, 'Let's just go to sleep. I am exhausted.'"

"One more thing. I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but, I am one of the recipients of your brother's organs. I got his heart." Her tears continued flowing. I took her hand to feel my heartbeat. "Meredith, Christian is alive in me."

"Did they also sell his eyes, liver, kidney, and the rest?" She wept harder and harder until her body only jerked.

I decided to allow her to rest. Stressing her more after what she went through would simply be insensitive of me. Our silence spoke volumes, conveying more than words ever could. I still held her hand as I heard her begin to snore softly. I smiled, remembering that she was next to me. We had a lot to solve and would definitely need therapy, but I was okay with us.

Shortly, my eyes grew heavy, and I slowly began surrendering to slumber when I heard her say, "I have fallen in love with you, Miles."

Like a lullaby to my eyes, I wanted to say what my heart felt. 'I love you so much, Meredith,' but my tongue got stuck on the roof of my mouth and I just couldn't. I still felt like I hadn't earned the right to love her after hurting her so much. I had to make amends first before saying those words.

As I watched her sleep, I followed suit.

* * * *

The harshness of the rising sun struck my eyes, making me shift in discomfort. Trying to find a darker spot to comfortably sleep, my aching body soon made my brain remember that we were on the road.

"Good Morning, baby," I weakly greeted her. I tried to touch Meredith's side by trying to reach her using my hand, but I only felt the empty seat. I shot upright, afraid of the unknown. I didn't even want to think about what might have happened. She wasn't in the car. Maybe she had gone for a walk.

I moved to open the door to check around for her when I caught sight of a paper tucked into the seat she had once laid. No, no, no. With unsteady hands, I took it out. She had left a note for me not to worry.

It read: "I have grown to love you in all honesty, even after what happened. You showered me with genuine love. You spoiled and respected me, although you started as a shithead. However, I left not because of you or the fact that I am angry with you, Miles, but because this is about me. I need to heal. I need to take time for myself. I need to mourn my brother. I need to work on myself. This is all too much for me. I don't want to be a broken piece that you need to put together. I know you would ask me to stay, so we can fix ourselves together. No, more than I need you, I need myself at this time. I am sorry I had to do this, but watching you peacefully sleep while you clutched onto my hand showed that you deserve better. Not a broken, purposeless and worthless girl who put you in danger, and made you lose billions. Your life would be better off without me in it. Please, don't look for me because I will only hide further from you. I love you so much, Miles Pierce, AKA my Satan in a suit."

Tears that I hadn't shed in years moistened the piece of paper in my hand. I crumpled it, shredding it into pieces. How could she think that she knew what was best for me? Meredith, don't do this to me.

I cried out in despair, pounding my fist against the dashboard in a futile attempt to release my anguish. My purpose to live was gone. Meredith, no. Don't hurt me anymore.

I will travel to Heaven and Hell until I have found her. I will use all my resources until the end of my life, until she is back in my arms again. Meredith, try hiding from me and see just how determined I am to find you. You don't leave me. You never should. You are mine as I am yours. I can never love any other like you. Better get to know that your ugliness is beauty to me. I made a stupid mistake once and that ends it. I would sacrifice everything to be with you, even if it means losing myself. Baby girl, run. Better run faster than a jet because I am coming for you.