120: Loss

120: Loss
CARL

THREE HOURS EARLIER

I didn't touch Alice! I didn't do anything with her so who captured these incriminating photos? My eyes burned when I looked down at the envelope once more. The weight had multiplied in my hand, like I carried the problems of the world inside that piece of paper.

Fuck! Who the hell took this?

Why?

I was...just a step away from having my entire life together and this happens? I felt like a car running on fumes. Why was I stupid enough to think things would continue to go smoothly like they had these past few days?

My heart had ripped from my chest and my hands wouldn't stop shaking no matter how I tried. I gulped hard as I tottered towards my car from Alma's building.

She'd shut down and those entrances were slammed in my face. The ones I'd worked so hard to reopen. It felt like a knife was being carved into my chest and I swear, I couldn't breathe!

I couldn't breathe. Who sent those photos? What did I do? If only she'd let me explain! Nothing happened. "Nothing fucking happened!" I ran my hands through my hair and hit the steering wheel.

My shirt seemed to have claws shamelessly digging into my skin and the car was too hot, like my personal hell. The air conditioning was stale, air had ceased, breathing was a chore, and existing as the villain in her story tore at my chest!

It killed me. I sniffled and swallowed hard, choking on the bile that sat in my throat! What did I do? What have I done!? I didn't want Velma to see her that way, broken and devasted over a misunderstanding.

I'd sworn not to be the reason she ever was in pain anymore. Shame on me!

Shame on me! I can't breathe. The car had gotten smaller and the walls of it were closing in on me, as though I was being reminded of my mishap. My head wouldn't stop aching and I heard screeches in my head, all those vile words blaming me for my stupidity.

I fucked up. I'd managed to fuck up one more time! I'd fucked it all up again, just as I did with Linda! I didn't know how I got to the car. There was a thin thread that held my sanity in place. It felt like I'd gone mad already.

I needed to fix this.

Glancing at the gate once more, mustering enough strength to drive off was practically impossible. I wanted to stay there, sit by the doorstep, and tell her she was misunderstanding me! I wanted Alma to know that I'd never spare a glance at another woman!

"FUCK!" I yelled out loud, yanking off my tie and tossing it to the backseat. How do I undo this mess? How do I cover the cracks?

Alice's face breezed into mind and I braced the wheels. It sneaked in like an asp. Alice was the only one who knew that nothing happened between us and nothing ever would. I'd outrightly rejected her.

Having her explain this could mend things, though I knew our relationship had a lot of healing to do. I twisted the key and sped into the streets. Fuck the traffic. I'd have Alice come here even if it meant I'd grovel before her.

I barged into the lounge and immediately headed to Alice's suite. Knocking wouldn't quite describe what I did with the door and I saw the shock evident on her face when she rushed over and opened the door.

"C-c...Mr Harrison," She called out, flustered and I pushed past her, walking into the suite. "Is there a problem? What's going on?"

I dropped the envelope on her bed, next to the suitcase she was packing up. I didn't give a shit what it contained or where she was headed. "Did you have them take this and send it to her?" I growled, my voice dripping with venom, with all the hate I tried to bottle. "Is this why you came into our lives, Alice? Was this your plan all along!?"

She startled back as her eyes flicked to mine, then to the envelope before she hesitantly tottered towards it and yanked it off the bed. With trembling hands, she fished out the photos from the envelope and immediately gasped, placing her hands over her mouth. "Who took these?!"

"I should be asking you the same damn question, Alice! Who took these!?"

"Mr Harrison, y-you don't understand. I have no idea what—"

"Oh, spare me the act, please!" I tried to catch my breath. "Alice, you tried to force yourself on me, the next day, THESE come in and you want me to believe that you really had nothing to do with them!? Spare me the fucking lies, Alice!"

"I swear!" Her voice was quivery as she spoke, and her eyes glistened with tears. "This was not me! This wasn't from me. I'd never do a thing like this, Carl!"

"Stop calling me that!" I was going mad. I was. "What do you want?"

"Uh?"

"What do you want from me, Alice? Is it Money? Is that it? You want money?"

She stood still and looked up at me, "Don't insult me, Mr Harrison." Alice paused. "Yes, I was carried away and I had...these feelings towards you but this!" She hit the envelope. "I wouldn't do something so despicable. I'm not a homewrecker."

"Then—"

"I'll go to her," She cut in before I could proceed. "I'll go to Alma myself and explain what happened. I owe you that much and I hope she's willing to hear me out. I'll...leave immediately after, away from you and your family. I'm so sorry that I've caused you this much trouble, though I never intended to. I'm so sorry, Mr Harrison."

I didn't know what else to say, or if her meeting Alma would make things worse, but I was out of fireworks to light. I'd take that chance.

I'd take it.

Alice returned to her bags and continued to pack up. "I'm so sorry, Mr Harrison..." She muttered, "I'm sorry for bringing you so much trouble. I'll try to sort it out and I'll leave."

Thank you. But I didn't say it loud enough.

I didn't say it at all.



I gazed blankly at the glass in my hand, the amber liquid swirling like my thoughts. My PA entered the room and his voice a distant hum, like he'd been bottled.

"Sir, it's time for the last meeting. I don't think they'll agree to any more adjournments. From what I see, we have this deal in the bag already."

I didn't care. I couldn't even bring myself to care about a deal I'd been working on all year long! I nodded, still lost in thought. "I'll be right there."

As soon as he left, I poured myself another drink. Though it burned my chest, it was nothing compared to the deepened ache in my heart. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was losing her, again. I glanced at my phone and I'd gotten no texts from anyone, not even Beverly.

No one was willing to give me the benefit of the doubt?

I placed my head on the cool surface of my desk, the wood grain blurring beneath my tears. The argument replayed in my mind like an endless loop, ever so cruel. I remember the way she looked at me like I was some kind of anomaly. Her words cut deep, and I was scared I'd never find my way back to her.

Before I knew it, my eyelids grew heavy, and I surrendered to the darkness, the meeting, and my thoughts slipping out of my grip.

All I could think was, Please don't leave me, Alma. Please don't go.

I jolted awake, my head pounding like a jackhammer. Groggily, I sat up, disoriented. Where was I? Oh, my suite.

Wait.

The meeting! I leaped out of my chair, my heart racing. How long had I slept? I stumbled outside, searching for my PA who seemed to have camped outside the suite.

"What happened?" I demanded, my voice shaking. "H-how did it go?"

His expression was sympathetic. "I'm so sorry, sir. I tried to wake you, but...you were out cold. I couldn't get through to you."

My mind reeled. "The meeting? Did they wait?"

He hesitated. "No, sir. They couldn't delay. And...well, we lost the deal."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Lost the deal? How could this be happening? First, Alma, now this?

I collapsed into the wall, defeated. My head in my hands, I moaned, "What have I done?"

He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "It's not your fault, sir. You seem to have been going through a tough time."

I was a mess! Yet, Alma wouldn't leave my head, and I knew the truth. I was just incapable of making anything work, not even my own relationship.

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I whispered, "I've lost everything. Everything."