Chapter 35 35
Lila stared at her reflection in the mirror, her fingers tracing the curve of her jaw absent-mindedly. Her skin was still flushed from the encounter with Damien, her body aching in places she wished would heal, and yet there was something else that lingered....a nagging sensation deep within her that she couldn’t shake. It wasn’t just the lingering pain, though it still throbbed, nor the fear that his words would haunt her long after he had left. No, it was something more malicious. It was the pull she still felt toward him, a desire that couldn’t be erased, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it.
Her mind was a battleground. On one side, the part of her that hated him...the part that had been broken and twisted by his control, the part that had been reduced to nothing more than an object to him...fought against the other side, the side that was still drawn to him. His touch, his presence, the way he could command her with just a look....it made her body ache in ways that contradicted everything she felt emotionally.
Her heart burned with resentment. She had been trapped for so long, and yet, her body still responded to him as if nothing had ever happened. The memory of his touch, of the way he had held her, was a storm that ravaged her senses. Every time she closed her eyes, she could still feel his lips against her neck, his hands pulling her closer, making her feel things she hated herself for.
She clenched her fists, feeling the tightness in her chest. Why? Why couldn’t she break free of the desire that still thrummed in her veins? Every part of her hated what he had done to her, hated how he had controlled her, manipulated her, broken her down until she was nothing. But every time she tried to resist, every time she swore to never let him near her again, the pull of attraction...of need became unbearable.
Lila let out a frustrated sigh, pacing across the room. I can’t keep doing this. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, and she needed to clear them, to regain some sense of control over herself. But how? How could she ever control the way her body betrayed her when it came to Damien?
The knock on the door shattered the fragile silence. She froze, her heart leaping into her throat. She didn’t have to hear the voice to know who it was.
“Lila?” Damien’s voice came from the other side, soft yet heavy with that dangerous edge she couldn’t ignore. “Can we talk?”
Her pulse quickened at the sound of his voice. No. She didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to feel the war waging inside of her again. But she knew he wouldn’t leave. He never did.
“I’m not in the mood for another one of your manipulations, Damien,” she called back, her voice shaky but determined.
“Lila, please,” he said, his voice tinged with something she couldn’t quite place. “Just… let me in.”
The words were like a command. She gritted her teeth, the anger bubbling up inside her. It was as if he thought she had no choice in the matter. That she would bend to him no matter what.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” Lila said, her voice strained. She pressed her back against the wall, trying to steady her racing heartbeat.
“I know you don’t. But I need to talk to you,” he replied, his tone softer, almost pleading.
Her hands curled into fists at her sides. Damn him. She couldn’t resist the urge to open the door, even though every instinct screamed at her to stay away. The door creaked as she unlocked it, and she almost wished she hadn’t.
Damien stood there, his tall figure filling the doorway, his eyes darker than usual, as if he was carrying a weight far heavier than the one he had placed on her shoulders. The sight of him was like a magnet, pulling at her in ways that made her sick to her stomach.
“Lila…” he started, but she cut him off before he could continue.
“Don’t,” she snapped, her voice sharp. “Don’t give me that look. Don’t give me that apology that you think will make everything okay. I don’t want to hear it.”
Damien’s jaw clenched, but he stepped inside without waiting for her to invite him further. He was like a storm that had already passed the point of no return. His presence seemed to fill the room, making it hard to breathe, hard to think clearly.
“I’m not here to apologize,” he said finally, his voice low, his gaze not leaving hers. “I’m here because we need to talk. About everything. About us.”
Lila narrowed her eyes, her anger mixing with confusion. “There is no ‘us,’ Damien. You destroyed that a long time ago.”
His gaze softened for just a moment, and it hit her harder than it should have. The walls he had built around himself, the ones he used to keep everyone at arm’s length, were coming down piece by piece. But that didn’t change the truth..he had broken her. He had made her feel small, insignificant. And now, he was standing there, acting as though he still had the right to make demands of her.
“I didn’t mean to destroy it,” he said quietly, taking a step closer. “I never wanted to break you, Lila. But I couldn’t let you go.”
Lila recoiled, taking a step back, her body on high alert. “You don’t get it, do you?” she said, her voice cracking under the weight of her emotions. “You don’t get what you’ve done to me. You took everything..my choices, my freedom, my dignity..and you turned me into something else. Something I’m not. And now you want to act like you can fix it? Like we can just pick up where we left off?”
Damien’s eyes darkened, his expression hardening. “I didn’t want to turn you into something else. I just wanted you with me, Lila. Don’t you see that? I was afraid of losing you. I still am. But I’m not the same man anymore. I’ve changed.”
Lila let out a bitter laugh, though it had no humor in it. “Changed? You think you’ve changed, Damien? You think I can just forget everything you’ve done to me?”
“I’m not asking you to forget,” he said, his voice dropping lower, almost a whisper. “But I’m asking you to see me. To see who I am now. I’m not the man who hurt you. I’m the man who needs you.”
Her heart skipped a beat, a traitorous flutter that she quickly suppressed. She hated him for saying that, for making her feel something in the pit of her stomach that she didn’t want to feel.
“You don’t need me, Damien,” she spat, her voice shaking with anger. “You want me. You want control. But that’s not love. It never was.”
Damien’s expression faltered for a moment as if her words had hit him harder than he expected. But his resolve didn’t waver. “You’re wrong, Lila,” he said, his voice fierce, though his gaze softened. “I love you. I always have.”
Lila’s breath hitched, her mind a whirlwind of confusion. She could feel the heat rising in her chest, the war between her emotions and her body raging more violently than before. Love? Hadn’t he shown her the opposite? Hadn’t he manipulated her, controlled her, broken her?
“I don’t know what love is anymore, Damien,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “But I know what you’ve done to me. And I don’t think I can ever forgive you for it.”
The pain in his eyes was obvious. “I don’t want your forgiveness, Lila. I want you. The real you. The woman who once trusted me.”
Lila shook her head, backing away again. Her heart ached with the longing to believe him, to let go of all the anger, all the pain that had festered inside of her. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t let herself fall back into the same trap. Not when she knew the damage he had caused. Not when she knew she would lose herself again.
“I don’t know who I am anymore, Damien,” she said, her voice cracking. “But I’m not the woman you want. I can’t be. Not after everything.”
Damien’s face twisted with frustration, but there was something else there, too...vulnerability, pain, and an almost desperate longing. He reached out for her, but she stepped back, her chest tightening.
“You don’t have to be what you were, Lila. We can figure this out. Together.”
The words echoed in her mind. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe that he could change, that they could rebuild something from the ruins of their past. But how could she, when everything inside her screamed that he would only hurt her again?
“I don’t know what I want,” Lila admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “But I know that this… this isn’t it.”
She turned away from him then, retreating into the silence of the room. Her heart was torn between the man who had broken her and the part of her that still longed for him. She didn’t know what would happen next, but one thing was certain..this battle, this war between her body and her heart, was far from over.
Damien didn’t follow her. Instead, he stood there, his figure stiff with restraint. And for the first time in a long time, Lila didn’t know whether to feel relieved or terrified.
But she knew no matter what happened, she couldn’t keep running. Not forever. And the moment she turned back toward him again, everything would change.