It was a cold night. The most agonizing thing you can do is talk to someone you used to love, talk about your past, and open those messed up boxes.
Their presence evokes memories, most of which are foggy memories of joyful times in the past. The once thrill of fluttering butterflies in your stomach fades and leaves a scar.
It was a bittersweet past.
The feelings simply passed by that quickly, like a bolt of lightning, yet they were unable to flee and catch up.
I tried to hold back my tears. It was the first time I cried about anything. It came as no surprise to me. I'd been holding back my tears for so long that I decided it was time to let them all out. These tears were hidden away in a box. I had never cried so hard after what had happened in the past.
It wasn't right to cry out to someone, and Kairus should be allowed to hear the agonizing sobs he used to inflict.
For him to know that it wasn't easy to love him.
That was not his fault. Allowing myself to fall in love with him was my mistake. It's too late to undo it now.
The two questions,
Do you love me as well? Did I make you cry?
I realized that loving him was like a white and black crayon color. He is the source of both light and darkness. Pain and heartache have arrived after the love and excitement that flutters around my stomach.
Did I regret it?
No.
Will I let it happen if I could go back in time?
Yes, and if I could go back in time, I'd start by asking him if he truly loves me. I should have hugged myself more tightly before allowing him into my life.
To be honest, I only feel those strong emotions, desire, and attraction when I'm with him. I was even more open because I thought I was heartless or incapable of feeling the way normal teenagers do, but when I saw Kiaurs, all I could see was danger...danger that woke up all of my senses.
I also wanted to ask him questions, but I didn't want to open a door for him to enter my present or follow me although my heart had been open to it.
I realized that feelings never fade.
I keep his memory with me, and now that he's returning, my heart is once again filled with emotions, and the feelings have begun to crawl back out of my body.
Those emotions are intended for him. I can meet anyone, so why wouldn't I? Because those emotions were only reserved for him. Like a candle, that only bring fire once he filled it with match.
Our past locked me... it keeps me alive. Our history has imprisoned me because...it keeps me alive.
See? Having him back here helps to heal all of the wounds. I can finally breathe as I let go of those heartaches. I can now live in the present without resentment for the past.
I had the courage to look at him after drying all of my tears in my hand. It should be lovely, but why was I in pain? He was staring at me, those crystals in his eyes gleaming.
I allow him to move his hand. I can feel his cold hand gently holding my cheek. He tried to smile, but his eyes refused to cooperate. The pain was too heavy to carry.
I closed my eyes to feel him, and he stroked my cheek gently, trying to give me strength from his pain. I don't want to open my eyes and look into his because it will make me cry all over again.
I’m letting him know of how weak I am, as I am with him.
“My heart cried a river as I left you that night….” Kairus whispered so, brokenly. “I can't believe I had to leave you there. I wish I could have been heartless at the time. I wish I didn't love my sister so much; I should have let them work and let them fix their relationship. I should not have gotten involved in their fight and compromised our relationship. We were just getting started, but I ended it right where I wanted us to start."
His piercing voice causes me to open my eyes. I did, and did not regret seeing his heartbreaks.
I notice diamond in his eyes for the first time. One tear fell from his eyes.
He cried.
While looking at me, his lips trembled. Like a weary warrior who sees hope ahead. He wants to gamble. He wants to surrender everything to me. Will I believe those eyes, again?
I feel the heat when he says something I've never heard him say before.
"P-please take me...please take me back," he begged. I shook my head, terrified. Kairus looked at me as if he was helpless. "P-please...I'll be good."
He paused, and look at me seriously. “I only have feelings for you. I've never loved anyone like this before. I had an ex-girlfriend, but I never felt this way about her. Do you remember the swimming pool? When you came back home after school?” He asked, and I looked at him, puzzled.
When he was holding like he owns? When he looked at me as if I were the only woman he saw before uttering his girlfriend's name? Yes, I recall it. I remember crying after that. You, heartless billionaire.
"Everything I said is because of...you," he said, staring at me. I only mention my ex because I don’t want to claim your innocence. I...I'm not going to take advantage of you. "I really wanted to kiss you that night...not just that night," he sighed heavily. "The moment I laid eyes on you, all I could think about was...how badly I wanted you..."
My heart was pounding hard. Will I risk you heart? What if we never recover from this? Is it good to fight? Will you be happy heart?
I kept my gaze fixed on his solemn deep black eyes. The ideal Filipino gentleman. Perhaps it was difficult to forget them because their presence had such an impact on your downfall that you found it difficult to stand apart from them again.
It’s already fine to end it here. We both already know that we love each other in the past. We both had those feelings at one point.
I no longer have a heart to risk. I don't have the strength and the heart to love him again.
"I don't have the heart to love you again..." I admitted to him. My gaze was drawn to him.
He shook his head, as if he didn't want to. "I've got a heart...please rip mine."
His crazy.
When my phone rang, I broke my gaze away from him. When I saw the caller's name, I sighed. Again.
It was Hayes.
After accepting the call, I turned to face Kairus. He was staring at me, patiently waiting for me. I know he wanted to ask, but he stopped himself.
I put the phone into my ear while still staring at the man in front of me.
“Hello?” I greeted, lifelessly.
“I texted you, but you didn't respond," Hayes said, a little aggressively. "You said you didn't have a boyfriend, but I saw the news...you were caught with a guy on the beach."
I sighed, and massage my forehead. I wanted to show how exhausted I am, but, Kairus is in front of me. I don’t want him to see it. He was looking at me darkly, with a clenched jaw.
"Ron is not my boyfriend," I say. "What you see in the news is not true," I confessed.
I sucked it. My eyes quickly moved to Kairus. I wanted to hit my head to the wall for being so careless. Fudge!
I caught a glimpse of Kairus's smile. The darkness and madness have vanished. I frowned at him, but he just shook his head, caught in his triumph.
"However, your fans claimed that it was the first time they saw you eating breakfast-
"Can we please stop talking about it?" I interrupted Hayes. I'm sick of it, and I've already been caught.
“Okay-
He agreed, and I can now unwind. Talking to him is exhausting. I don't need to justify nor myself to him. He has no say in my life.
"Can you then go out?" "I'm standing outside your condo."
My eyes widened when he said that.
What the fuck?
“What?” I asked, shocked and mad. He's here, or maybe I misheard him, right?
"I expected you to deny it, and I'd like to talk with you personally." "I'm here outside," he said, and my gaze immediately moved around to check him.”
I sighed, and I know he heard me. I'm sick of it. Kairus gave me a worried look.
"Who is that?" He asked. He couldn't hold himself back.
“Who’s that?” Hayes asked in the next line, line. Perhaps he heard Kairus. "I heard a man's voice."
I turned to face Kairus. "Just my friend," I explained.
Kairus didn’t buy it.
“Okay.” Hayes did.
I turn off the call.
Kairus gave me a serious look. He does not want me to leave. I pretend to yawn. “It’s already late. Can I go inside, now?”
My phone ring again. Our stare went to my phone again. I know that Kairus see it.
My phone rang once more. Our gaze returned to my phone. I know Kairus sees it.
"Damn it," I grumbled. I sighed and cursed loudly in my head.
"I have to leave. "Text me when you're safely home," I said quickly. “Bye! " I said as I quickly exited his car.
Damn! Why did I say that text me when he got home safe?
Shit, this is Hayes fault!