Chapter 35 I kissed her back like a man dying of thirst
Catalina
I watched Viper sleep. Three days had passed since what Sophie did. Right now Sophie was sitting in a cell over in Banford. I would handle her soon, but Viper needed to be stronger first.
He had not spoken one word since we came back to the club. He had barely touched his food. All he did was sleep. I understood. When I was assaulted, I wanted to hide from the whole world, too. For a man like him, who is always so sure of himself and so strong, this was a deep cut to who he is. I was set on helping him find his way back. I moved my hand through his hair. His head was resting on my stomach, his arms holding onto me. In his sleep he would sometimes beg me not to go. I tried to tell him I was staying, but I do not think he heard me. He made a low sound, then lifted his head and looked at me.
“Hello,” I said, my voice soft.
“Hello, angel,” he answered, and then he settled his head back down on my stomach and held on.
“Do you want something to eat?” I asked. I really needed him to take a bite of food.
He did not answer. He just held me closer. I kept my hand moving through his hair, and sometimes I rubbed his head with my nails. He made that low sound again and smiled. I shifted a little under him.
“Is there something else you are hungry for, besides food?”
He went completely still. I felt his body grow rigid against me. Oh, no.
He pushed up from the bed so fast he almost fell, then he rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I heard the awful sound of him being sick. I got out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I tried the knob, but it would not turn. He had locked it.
“Viper,” I said, knocking on the door. “Let me in.”
“Go away, Catalina.”
“I will not go away. Open the door, baby.”
“No!”
Then I heard the shower start. I started to cry, and I hit the door with my palm. But he did not open it.
“Hey.”
I spun around. Beast was standing in the open doorway of our room.
“Hey,” I said, my voice wet with tears.
“How is he?”
“Not good. He has locked me out.”
Beast let out a long breath and walked into the room. He opened his arms, and I let him hold me. He moved his hands up and down my back.
“He will come out the other side of this.”
“I do not know. I do not know how to help him. He will not talk about it,” I said, crying against his chest.
“Why do you not go make him something to eat? I will talk to him.”
I nodded and left them alone.
Viper
I pressed my fists against the shower wall. I could not get the pictures out of my head. Sophie with her mouth on me, Sophie on top of me, doing what I did not want her to do. I was filled with shame, because my own body turned against me and it felt good. I did not want her. I did not want to finish, but I could not stop it. How could Catalina ever forgive me? I felt like I had been unfaithful. I could not look at her. How could I ever be with her again without feeling like I had dirtied what we have? She was going to leave me, and I would deserve it.
I washed myself and got out of the shower. I dried off and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked the same. Somehow I thought I would look like a different person, a monster, for failing the woman I love. I looked at the tattoos I have with her name on them. I did not deserve to wear them. My eyes filled with new tears, and I blinked hard. I took one deep breath and opened the bathroom door, ready to face her. But she was not there. For a second, my heart went cold. I saw only Beast. Did she finally leave me?
“Relax, she did not leave. She went to cook for you.”
I nodded and pushed my hand through my wet hair. Then I realized I was standing there with nothing on. I started to walk toward my closet, but Beast got up and blocked my way. He shoved me back against the wall.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I snarled at him.
“I know what is in your head. You think you cheated on Catalina because you got hard and you came when another woman touched you. You did not cheat. I am going to prove it to you.”
I was too stunned to move when he reached down and grabbed me. He started to move his hand up and down, his grip rough. I fought him, trying to get his hand off me. But he had me by the dick, and I did not want it torn off. To my horror, I got hard, and it felt fucking good.
“Beast, fuck, man, stop. I am not gay!”
“Neither am I. I am just showing you that when a cock gets touched, you do not have much say in what happens. And I know it feels good. I have done this to myself plenty of times.”
Then he let me go. We both looked down at me, hard and obvious.
“You have no reason to be ashamed, Viper. No reason to feel guilty. I have never told anyone this, but I have been where you are. My uncle used me for three years. All through when I was a teenager, when my body was changing. He would tie me up and do things, and it felt good. I carried that guilt for years. I saw a counselor. He told me it was not my fault. He got to me when I was young, and when a body is touched like that, you do not control how it reacts. So stop thinking you betrayed her. You did not. Someone took you against your will. You did not fuck her. She fucked you. If you could have stopped her, you would have.”
I looked at him. Then I pulled him into a hard hug and slapped his back. This man is one of my closest friends, my brother in the club. I would give my life for him.
“Thank you, brother.”
“Any time, man. Now get your naked dick off me. You are making this weird.”
I laughed and pushed him away. I went to my dresser, found a pair of basketball shorts, and pulled them on.
“I am sorry that happened to you, Beast.”
“I am sorry this happened to you, Viper. Just know if you need to talk, I am here. We can get wasted and say whatever we need to say.”
“Thanks, man.”
We walked out of the room together, and I went to the kitchen.
“Hey, baby,” I said, coming up behind her. I looked over her shoulder to see what she was cooking.
“Is that chicken and dumplings?” I asked.
“Yes, it is one of the only things I know how to make properly. I am glad to see you up,” she said, her voice quiet.
I put my arms around her waist. I bent and kissed her neck, then let my mouth linger on that spot she loves. She tilted her head to give me more room and let out a soft sound. I felt myself getting hard again. I pressed against her. She pushed back into me, and I groaned, but then I made myself pull away. She looked at me, and there was a little hurt in her eyes.
“I am sorry, baby. I want to get checked out before we do anything like that again,” I told her quietly.
She smiled a small smile. “You already were. You are clean. I left the papers with your results on your dresser.”
“Oh, I did not see them. That is good,” I mumbled.
“What is wrong?”
“I just feel like garbage, Catalina. I need you to know she meant nothing. I did not want her to do any of it.”
“What did she do?” Her voice was very small.
“Do you really want to hear it?”
“Viper, I do not know why, but I have to know. I also think saying it out loud might help you.”
I let out a long breath and pushed my hand through my hair again.
“She called me and said she had been attacked. She said when she was at the police station, she saw a file with your name on it. She refused to bring it to the club, so I went to her. We met at a bar. There was a beer waiting for me, so I drank it. She must have put something in it, because the next thing I know, I am tied to a bed and she is on top of me.” I had to stop and breathe before I could go on. “She was rubbing herself on me, and I started to get hard. I was cursing at her, yelling at her to get off, so she gagged me. Then she put her mouth on me. When she finished with that, she waited a little while before she used her hand to get me hard again, and then… then…” I could not get enough air. I started to shake. Catalina came over and put her arms around me. She laid her head on my chest and made small, gentle circles on my back with her hand.
“She got on top of me and put me inside her. She rode me until I finished. I am so sorry, baby. I did not want to, but I came. I came fast, so she could not make it last. That was the only thing I could control. But then she would just wait and start all over again. I am so, so sorry.” I was crying now, holding onto her. My tears fell into her hair.
“Please forgive me, baby.”
“There is nothing to forgive, Viper. You did nothing wrong. You were the one who was hurt.” She pushed up on her toes and kissed me. I kissed her back like a man dying of thirst. I love this woman so much. With her love, I felt a heavy stone lift from my chest.
“Come on,” she said. “Let me feed you and look after you.” She guided me to a chair at the table. I watched her fill a bowl for me and one for herself with her chicken and dumplings. We ate, and with every bite, I could feel the broken pieces inside me beginning to mend.