Chapter 31-1

Of all the roles Ali had ever played in her life - lover, daughter, sister, manager, friend, employee - she'd never wished more for another form; a bird.  If she was an actual sparrow, she could fly up the building and land on Thomas' balcony.  Instead, she stood locked out the front of his apartment lobby, scraping frustrated fingernails over her scalp, trying to solve the puzzle. The trip back to Sydney had seemed as though the train was crawling at half speed.  Ali fidgeted in her seat, wishing for her own phone for the first time since she'd abandoned her past life as Lex, so she could call Thomas and sort everything out. When the station had loomed before her, she'd anxiously waited by the doors, her stomach curled in on itself.  She wasn't sure exactly how she could convince Thomas she was worth a final chance on, but she was going to try, with her heart on a plate, his for the taking.  Stupid me, she criticized herself as the doors slid open and Sydney noise swamped her.  This is nobody's fault but your own.  She'd let her past taint her future, but for once, she was hoping to pay the price and move on, rather than suffer alone. Racing from the train station, she headed across the park and past Time Break for Thomas' building, but the foyer doors were locked, opened only to residents.  She pressed the button for his apartment, but her long buzzes brought nothing but silence on the other end. Options.  Think!  She could wait outside until someone else walked in, but that would only get her as far as the elevator; she couldn't reach his floor without a security card.  And even if by some miracle, she actually made it to the top floors, what would she do then?  Sit outside his apartment and wait like a crazy stalker?  She didn't even know his number to ring reverse charges from a pay phone, and her tired, frantic brain couldn't think of anything else to do. Slumping against the wall helplessly, she looked up to the sky.  I could use a little help here, she thought, wondering if anyone heard. Someone tugged hard on her bag and said, "Sparrow?" She turned to the voice.  "Ethan!" The street performer stood there, looking decidedly less unkempt than when she'd seen him last.  Clearly, his new job paid enough for new threads; in his fashion-forward jeans and a vintage old man cardigan, he grinned and hugged her happily.  "Hey!  How are you doing?  We've missed you, girl!  That Thomas of yours, he's a good bloke too, you should keep him." "He is, I know," she said, half-laughing with helplessness. "Sparrow, are you okay?"  Ethan immediately saw her desperation. "No.  I'm not." "Okay...  Well, do you want to talk about it?" He walked her over to the park next to the train station, and Ali could suddenly visualise all the ghosts of her past dotted around the park.  There she was, eating breakfast with Ethan at the picnic table, laughing at the commuters, and there she was again, crying as Otis comforted her over a birthday picnic.  Funny how places don't change, but I have. "What's happening?" She tried to explain it as simply as she could, leaving out all the wretched details.  "Thomas and I have been in Newcastle, but I got caught up talking to an ex last night and didn't come home, and Thomas was gone and he must hate me and I need to apologise but he's not here and I don't know what to do, and-" "Whoa, whoa!"  Ethan waved her down, frowning.  "That doesn't sound much like Thomas.  The dude is pretty mellow." "Anyone can break if you push them far enough." "True.  Anyway, I know where he is." "You do?"  She leapt up from the low concrete wall where they were sitting, feeling her butt cheeks cold from the hard surface.  "Where?" "It's his mum and dad's anniversary."  Ethan shrugged.  "He told us all about it the other week at breaky.  They've hired out this top restaurant at Darling Harbour for a swanky lunch." "Ethan, please tell me you remember the name of the restaurant..." He stood to join her, but a passing car was blaring music, and he began to dance.  "Hey, I love this song!" "Ethan!"  She almost yelled at him.  She was all for artistic expression, but time and place... "Okay, okay, it's called 'The Roost.'"  He raised a doubtful eyebrow.  "Are you gonna crash?" "I am."  Ali looked towards the Harbour Bridge.  Thomas was somewhere on the other side, and she was going to find him.  "I have to go now - it's almost two, they might be finishing up.  I'll have to make a run for it." She hurried towards the pedestrian walkway, preparing her toes for the mad dash across the bridge.  Ethan kept pace beside her with his long legs.  "Hey, where are you going?  You're not gonna walk over, are you?" "I'm out of cash; I have to." Ethan grabbed her by the arm and hauled her back towards the road.  "No, you don't."  He hailed a cab with a slender arm, and the taxi pulled over.  "Take her to the Roost," he said, handing the driver a couple of twenties.  "Keep the change." "Ethan!" Ali squeaked.  "You can't waste money on a taxi for me!" "Um, it's not a waste.  You're my friend, and you need help.  I never would have gone for the Flume gig if it wasn't for you and Thomas - I owe you guys big time."  He stuffed his hands ashamedly into his cardigan pockets.  "Plus, I need all the good karma I can get.  Do you have any idea how many handbags I've stolen over the years?" She hugged him fiercely.  "Thank you, Ethan." "Hurry up and go," he growled, pushing her in the cab.  "Go get him!" The taxi pulled away from the curb, and Ali gave a silent prayer of gratitude for the little meetings in life that could change destiny. The traffic on the bridge was flowing well, a small miracle for Sydney even on a Sunday.  The driver threaded his way into the city, curving through the streets until Darling Harbour came into view, the beautiful cruise ships and stunning azure water shining under the almost-summer sun. The cab deposited her directly out the front of the restaurant, but looking at the hoity-toity host manning the door, she knew she didn't have a hope of making it inside.  With her two dollar footwear and cheap dirty tee combo, she wasn't exactly the kind of clientele who frequented these places. Suddenly, she vividly recalled her night at the French restaurant, and how Otis must have felt being judged by people who thought they were better than him.  There is no better, she thought as she scooted down the side alley of the restaurant towards the waterfront seating.  We are all people.  We believe in different things, and we dressed differently, and we all have different backgrounds and cultures and finances, but we are all just people. As Ali rounded the corner, she quickly scanned the mostly empty restaurant for the man she loved.  There.  He stood with a small group in the outdoor seating area, pushing in their chairs and preparing to leave after what looked like a wonderful meal.  I hope I don't spoil their day, she thought, striding forward, but I'm not waiting another minute. There were large wooden dividers separating the restaurant seating from the general walkway along the water's edge.  Ali made her way towards Thomas and his family, feeling as though the barriers between them were incredibly vast, and more than mere dividers.  A moment of doubt gripped her as she approached.  What if he doesn't want to see me?  What if he's embarrassed for his family to see me?  What if he's really done and he breaks my heart right here? It doesn't matter, she decided.  If I don't try, I'm not even giving him the option to forgive me.