Chapter 29-3

And the claws are out...  "Mel, leave it." "Uh, Alexandra, this is my home, thanks.  You don't get to give orders to me." "Uh, Melinda, technically this is your husband's place."  Lex felt her innards coiling upon themselves in a bile-soaked tangle.  "He earns the money; you're just a housewife." "God, you're so cynical!  Admit it, you've always looked down on me for not having ambition like you, for not needing expensive clothes and a massive bank balance." Lex stood, facing her off.  "I'll happily admit it.  You were always a vapid airhead, mummy's favourite child, the special one who's never had to work a day in her life." Melinda flicked her layered perfect hair around, rolling her eyes.  "I work.  I have children and a husband and a home to look after - what have you got, Miss High-and-mighty?" "You've been given everything!  I had to strive for everything!  It was always so easy for you, Mel, but at least I tried to go after what I wanted in life!" "And where did it get you?  You've been chasing the dollar for so long, you're not even human anymore!  Your niece and nephew didn't even recognise you when you got here, because you never see them, you don't have any friends - you couldn't even hold onto your boyfriend!"  She turned away, clicking her tongue.  "I told Mum this wouldn't work.  I can't believe we're even related." Neither can I, thought Lex, watching her sister swan out, bound for lunch with her friends.  Lex wandered through the empty house, taking advantage of the quiet to make a cup of Melinda's herbal tea sweetened with raw cane sugar and take it out to the back veranda. Mel's voice echoed in her brain, You couldn't even hold onto your boyfriend...  Otis.  Lex's cup clattered to the wooden table, her arm weak at the fresh grief that swamped her.  Her sister was right - this could never work.  Lex's soul was broken, and she had no idea who she was anymore.  Her identity had always been centred around money and career; both of those were gone now.  For a while there, she'd started to believe in her identity as Otis' girl, but that too had been ripped away. "I'm nobody," she said quietly, breaking down and weeping for the first time since Otis had left.  Her sobs were unpretty, heaving gasps that wracked her body and left her red-eyed and shivering.  She poured everything out, her nerves raw and exposed.  There was no peace, no light, no love - only emptiness and sorrow. Her crying eased, but the pain in her chest remained.  As she sniffed, a small chirrup drew her attention.  She looked up to see a sparrow sitting on the rail of the veranda, its inquisitive brown head tilted at her, its deep chocolate eyes wise and knowing.  It peeped once more, then in a flurry of feathers, it was gone, beating its way into the open sky. Lex had never believed in signs; she believed in charts and numbers and facts.  At least, the person she used to be did.  This new, hollow version of Alexandra seemed to be willing to believe in almost anything.  It's time to fly away... *** Using her meagre cash supply, Lex hit the road.  She'd never had time to travel before, and even though she was doing it rough, she found herself enjoying being adrift on the highways of Australia, discovering new towns.  She used a different false name wherever she stopped.  It seemed to fit; she didn't know who she was anymore - why not be someone different everywhere she went? As Lyric, she spent time up far north Queensland, making beds in a resort for cash.  After that, she drifted south, hanging out briefly on the Sunshine Coast, where an arts festival hired her as Shadow to hand out flyers.  In Byron Bay, she worked for a health retreat as a kitchen hand called Rain.  When she wasn't working, she would sneak into their lectures, learning about chakras and elements and energy lines.  It was like learning another language, one she took to naturally. Mullumbimby was next, an inland town known for its laidback vibe.  She was Cloud there, living in a commune house that was eventually condemned by the council.  After being evicted, she drifted further west with two lovely gay men bound for Canberra for a protest.  She told them her name was Dusk, and the moniker stuck as she ended up in the nation's capital, finding work in a crystal shop in a suburban mall. Summertime hit the ACT like a giant fist, and she escaped to the coast to find some cooler air, bussing into Bateman's Bay on her last twenty bucks.  As she stepped out and looked around the beachside town, something restless inside her settled. She walked to the beach, feeling her toes dig into the sand, feeling an affinity for the shifting grains.  They understood what it was like; no identity, no purpose, each individual grain lost among the others.  As she walked, a flock of sparrows burst from a nearby thicket of coastal trees, surrounding her with their joyful, squawking racket before disappearing into the sky. She cruised the markets, chatting with the lovely locals who told her about a community house just down the road.  The second she laid eyes on the ugly yellow brick home, she fell in love.  It felt like somewhere sheltered for her to rest for a while, a safe haven. The older man who leased the property rented rooms for extra cash.  She negotiated to stay in exchanged for helping with the garden, and her first night there, she wandered downstairs to see a massive Maori man smoking a joint at the outdoor table, without a care in the world.  "Kia ora," he said, his smile huge.  "I'm Kimble, ay?" "Hi.  I'm Sparrow." The name fit, so did the house and the town.  She stayed, resting her wings for a while.  Eventually, she and Kimble took over the lease, fixed up the gardens, and Sparrow grew a new bohemian family of her own.  She let her blonde highlights grow out and dyed her hair with henna, trying to reinvent herself, hoping that when she looked in the mirror, she'd see someone other than Lex. While she'd been on the road, it didn't matter where she'd been, or what she'd been doing, she hadn't been able to get Otis out of her thoughts.  He was always there, with his glowing green eyes and brilliant smile, a song on his lips.  Sometimes, when she was feeling especially low, she'd torment herself with images of the life she might have had; Otis, a home, a baby... But in Haven, she managed to forget.  Her old life slipped away like a bad memory with every passing day, until Otis seemed like a character from a story.  She didn't heal, but she didn't get worse, falling into a static hold, frozen there in pretence until the day she looked up at the markets and saw Thomas standing there, just as lost as she had once been. Then, everything had changed again. So, I hope this chapter made everything a little clearer! I'd invite you all to comment, but I don't think I have to - I don't think I could stop you! But I love it - reader comments are my favourite part of Topnovel. You, my lovely reader, your words influence mine. I found it interesting that many of the same people commenting about Sparrow in previous chapters "Whatever she did couldn't be that bad, get over yourself, God!" were the same readers spewing hated over Lex's behaviour towards Otis, "She deserves to be alone, unforgivable, die bee-arch!" So much emotion, everybody! Which is great, it's how I know I'm doing my job right.