Chapter 30

It wasn't enough. 

When Zachary grazed his lips on Kathryn's, tasting every inch of his beloved like a hungry soul, Zachary discovered it wasn't enough. There was this need inside him that repeatedly screamed for something more. He couldn't get enough of Kathryn, that was clear. The way they cuddled up in bed after a tiring activity warmed Zachary to the core. He felt satisfied yet wanted more. 

Things got back to normal after their retreat. Zachary would go to school and attend his major, which was swimming of course, then would go straight back to his apartment at night. If there was something that changed, it was his time with Kathryn. Then, he used to spend almost all his free time with her. Now though, Kathryn would only give him the time of the night. Zachary didn't know he could be this selfish until now that he felt extremely needy, desperate for Kathryn's attention all the freaking time.

"You going?" Zachary asked, about to frown when he saw Kathryn getting dressed. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand, finding it was seven o'clock in the evening. 

Kathryn jumped a little at that, like a tiny squirrel caught by a hunter, "U-Um, yes. I still need to practice and perfect my dish."

Glancing at the calendar quickly, Zachary realized it was Thursday. He sighed, realizing tomorrow would be another Friday where Kathryn needed to present her dish to gain a five-star score from her instructor.

"You can do it here," Zachary proposed, thinking how Kathryn could actually use his kitchen anytime like she used to.

"I still need to buy some ingredients," Kathryn replied. 

"Then go to the store and come back here and practice," Zachary suggested. 

"The equipment is at my apartment."

"Then bring it over."

"Zachary," Kathryn gave a look at Zachary.

Zachary sighed, looking away with his face sour and bitter. 

Kathryn sighed, feet moving as she approached the man in bed. She gently cupped Zachary's cheeks, caressing them softly, "I'll be back after a few hours. Sounds good?"

Zachary, still visibly sulking, let out another deep sigh. "Fine." Then he stared hard at Kathryn, "Just for three hours."

Kathryn opened her mouth, about to protest but Zachary was having none of it. After kissing Kathryn deeply, Zachary headed to the bathroom without giving a look at Kathryn. Kathryn only had to sigh and proceed to head out. Zachary turned the shower on and began to dig into his previous thoughts. 

It was the security.

Ever since they returned from the retreat, Zachary had been seeing Kathryn secretly at night. But during the day, Zachary had to dig his fingers inside his palm while he watched Kathryn walk next to Chad, too close for Zachary's eyes. He wanted to be mad, to grab Kathryn and take her away from that tall asshole, heck he'd feel like losing his mind whenever he'd catch them together even for just a second. But he knew in the end, he couldn't.

Because they didn't have labels.

When Zachary tried to ask what Kathryn was planning or plotting, Kathryn had brushed him off. She was always avoiding the subject. Zachary could only keep it in during those times, silently keeping all the anger, pain, and frustration to himself. He wasn't the type to share. Kathryn was his and has always been. No one can't change that fact. Deep inside, he knew he couldn't let things go any longer. One day, one of these days, he knew he'd blow up. He just knew it.

Hours had passed and Zachary felt a lump in his throat when Kathryn returned just a few minutes before midnight. It wasn't like he wanted to control Kathryn. He just wanted something—something like a security, or more like, an assurance that Kathryn was his. That Kathryn only loved him and nobody else. 

Although Kathryn didn’t say those three magic words to Zachary, somehow, deep inside, Zachary could feel it. Showing and telling were two different things though. As much as Kathryn showing her care and love for Zachary was emotionally fulfilling, Zachary still wanted to hear those words. The words that maybe, he had hoped, that could put his heart finally at ease.

The next morning, Zachary found his bed empty. It wasn't like he could complain or demand. He knew Kathryn had her reasons and that whatever they were, Zachary was ready to wait until the day Kathryn could tell him about them. However, this didn't last long. Days and weeks passed, and Zachary began to lose his patience. 

They were having their daily warm up, jogging in the school's 2.5-kilometer athletic bowl. Chad and David were chatting like two old friends and Zachary had to wonder when did the two get so close. He would usually catch them chatting and sometimes even laughing, it was weird to see the matured serious tall guy laugh like that. Well, not that Zachary cared anyway. 

After a few minutes, a professor approached Coach Brix and gestured to him to come with him somewhere. That left the team jogging on their own. Zachary saw Earl from a distance, stopping from his jog and went to his smiling friend. 

"Earl!" Zachary shouted while running forward, catching Earl's attention. 

Earl grinned, giving a fist bump to his best friend as soon as Zachary caught up. 

"Sup! Aren't you having your morning routine?" Earl asked. 

Zachary shrugged, "Got bored. Oldie left. Where are you going?" 

"Gymnasium," Earl answered, amused by how Zachary just called his own mentor "oldie". As expected from him though. "We're having a small birthday party for Professor Lesley at lunch." 

Zachary nodded in understanding. 

"We will be busy the entire morning. You can't see her, Zack!" Earl said, proud of himself as he warned Zachary beforehand. 

Zachary made a loud ‘tsk’ then sighed in defeat. "Yeah, whatever. Tell her I'll see her after lunch." 

Earl was about to say Kathryn still had a lot to do just as Earl, but Zachary had already turned around and started running towards the rest of the swimming team. He didn't look back as he just waved a hand and shouted at Earl, "See ya!" 

Earl stared at his stubborn friend's retreating form, observing how he was fit to the swimming team. He sighed, shaking his head as he remembered his love for physical activities, "Sometimes I feel like I wanna join the swimming team." 

The fact that Kathryn was still hanging out with Chad and everyone still labeling them as a couple made Zachary anxious all the time. It wasn't like something was going on between them. Zachary knew for sure they weren't dating. No holding hands, kissing, or anything. They were just always together in school and that ticked Zachary off as he badly wanted to know why. Why do they have to pretend? 

As he pondered about this, Zachary observed how Kathryn friendly interacted with different people in Professor Lesley's party. There was also Chad who occasionally would talk to her, making Zachary's heart unease once again. Whatever was Kathryn's hiding, Zachary's would want to know about it now. He had enough. He'd have Kathryn speak whether the younger liked it or not. 

Kathryn went inside a room with Chad trailing behind. Zachary was quick to follow the two, eager to find out what was really happening between them.