A Whispered Lie
The day he left, the sky had opened her soul and wept. The rain pounded the earth whilst the cold eerie fog loomed over the pack, a bad sign it showed us. It came as a big surprise for a storm brew in mid-summer and that itself brought fear into our hearts.
The main gate that looked too big for me once upon a time, seemed small only allowing out those going for war the others disallowed to leave and forced to stay in. I did not sleep the previous night staring at the moon with a gut-wrenching fear that crept up my spine. It sank its fangs into my flesh digging deep spreading its venom that flooded me from within.
The night was quiet yet if one listened closely they could hear the mourning of females who were preparing to throw the wolves they held close to their hearts directly into the pit of death. It was that feeling of uncertainty that struck us all. Whether we shall be blessed with their presence or shall never lay our eyes upon them again.
The Deimos I evaded like the plague, I looked for him. Keeping my eyes on him wherever he went I made sure he spent enough time with Kal. A smile would creep up my lips that I would hide from his eyes when he spoke to the young ones of the pack. Yet the second my eyes fled from him, his would land upon my flesh. It was a secret game of catch we played.
Whilst the grey sky added to the gloominess and sorrow we felt inside that day, the warriors clutched their females tightly to their chests. Mothers, daughters, mates. I had put my walls up whilst he was bare. His eyes were always on me, when the elders bid their farewells or when the warriors spoke to him.
As the engines of the trucks roared to life, my heart sank into deep stinky waters. As the weapons were loaded, my body swayed. My mouth shut I hadn't uttered a word to any wolf holding them deep inside. My emotions were wild and mourning within me but I did not show it for as their Luna I needed to be strong and stand tall so that they could lean on me.
As I held Kal that early morning I struggled to breathe, my male merely four months may never see his father again. Is this what our lives are meant to be was what I kept thinking. When everything was set, among the wails of the females he walked towards me.
His eyes on the pup in my arms, each step he took made me shiver. Anxiety, nervousness, pain. I had several emotions fighting for control within me. Bending down placing his cheek upon Kal's he nudged him softly as my male gargled and laughed and he earned a soft smile from his father.
"Be good, my male." He whispered voice achingly low almost a painful whisper.
His eyes snapped to mine and I held in my breath whilst I waited for his words or actions. He offered me a curt nod of acknowledgement perhaps thinking it was what I wished for him and swiftly turned to head back to the truck. I remember that moment for my heart sunk even deeper and his action had pained me.
But his steps halted mid path as if he had changed his mind or lost an inner conflict and he turned back to me, eyes met my drowning yearning ones.
He strode back to me, pace heavy and rushed eyes focussed with purpose. As he stood that day in front of me he took a deep breath and grabbed my hidden trembling hand in his and drew it to his lips. With closed eyes, he placed a deep small kiss upon my flesh thumb gently soothing the skin. His action had comforted me yet added fuel to the fire of my fear.
"I shall return to you in twelve days, this I promise." The last of his words whispered to me. With one final glance, at Kal and me he had left disappearing into the relentless fog.
But that promise of his was broken for he did not return in twelve days. He hadn't returned for a month now and I go insane with fear each day. Sleep starved I wait for him to return, for the trucks to come barging in through the gates. If he were on a trip meant for another matter I would call him but this was different, this was war.
"Alpha there is no use staring out the window every morning." Elriam whispers startling me from behind holding a cup of steaming tea meant for me in her hands. I was so engrossed with my waiting that I failed to notice her presence. "I would inform you first if some of our scouts have received news."
"I feel uneasy. Something is not right." I reply to her leaning my cheek against the window peering outside scanning the area. "He said twelve days. That has passed already and he has not sent any wolf back regarding what had happened."
"I understand, Alpha." She says.
"What if he is harmed? What if he is unconscious?" Anxiety bubbles up within me my heart pounding whilst my mind delivers thoughts of him when he was in a coma. It has grown to become a trauma to me that when war is mentioned all I can think of is him lying in bed as if he were truly dead.
"Did you feel anything, Alpha?" She questions as I turn my weary gaze back at her.
"Nothing. And that is what scares me the most for it is not a good sign." I whisper. If I at least feel him in physical pain I would know he breathes. My fingers tap the wooden table continuously whilst my mind formulates a plan. I must do something, I had waited but waiting brings no outcome.
"Whatever you are thinking of please do know I am against it." Elriam is quick to dive in with her truth for she knows me very well. She knows what is to be my next move.
"I waited, Elriam. I waited for a month." I reason with her.
"And perhaps you can wait for more. It is not safe, Alpha." She says pushing the fresh cup of tea closer to me.
"If you think this tea is going to make me calm down and halt my decisions, you are so very wrong." I mutter beneath my breath my accusing eyes meet her cunning eyes.
"Please it is not a good idea to put yourself in harm's way and what about the little one?" She implores me her eyes begging me not to do what it is I am thinking.
We stare at each other for a while a small wordless battle between us. "Call Cronus." I briskly break the silence only for her to shut her eyes in defeat.
"Alpha!" She calls out to me her voice raising not in a commanding way but in pleading.
"Perhaps I am putting a lot at risk but I must bring my male's father back safe and sound. It is my duty, Elriam." I say.
"Will you be doing this merely out of duty? Are you doing this as a Luna of this pack or a mate?" Her questions catch me off guard whilst my eyes widen. Digging my nails into the material of my shirt I keep my eyes away from her searching ones.
"Must I answer that?" I ask my voice softening almost questioning. Questioning that surges within myself.
I am met by her silence. I know she wishes nothing but happiness for me and I know her question was not for the future of this pack but mine. "I shall call Alpha Cronus." She says not wanting to indulge further knowing I do not wish for it.
She is quick to call him fetching her phone from her jeans pocket. I wonder if Cronus knows about this war that was quick to come to our pack. She hands me the phone that I take swiftly holding it over my right ear.
"Elriam." Cronus's deep voice strikes through after a few rings.
"Cronus." I greet him.
"Lumina!" He calls my name with a chuckle the seriousness in his voice quickly dying replaced with an energetic friendliness.
"I need your help." I am quick with my words, heading straight to the point. I am not shy or uncomfortable with him. He is my family.
"What happened?" His voice turns low and hollow the sound of the chair screeching against the floor tells me he has risen from his seat to hear me.
"Deimos has not returned for a month. I am dwelling in fear, I do not know what to do." I whisper unknowingly bringing the phone closer to my lips.
"The war, yes? Deimos informed me before he left."
"I am afraid, Cronus. I cannot bear another repeat of what happened in the past. I asked him who would protect him. He said himself! What if he is in a position where he cannot do so? What if he is in a position where he is calling out to me but I cannot hear him?" I struggle to breathe just from the thoughts of it.
"I understand, Luna. I thought he had returned already but I had an inkling this was bound to happen. That pack does not come under his rule, they will not bend to his authority. His pheromones would not affect them for they are similar to rogues. I knew it shall be a hard fight for him." Cronus's words add to my anxiety and I am quick to stand up as well leaving my position of comfort.
"I wish to go there. I wish to help him." I say. Elriam shakes her head non stop in disapproval her eyes pleading with me again. My safety is all that matters to her, she trusts in Deimos's strength.
"Lumina, it is not a regular pack. Your pack possesses the best warriors of all, they would have been able to handle it."
"Then why is he not here! It has been a month, I am not delaying this any longer. Please Cronus, help me." My hands tremble as I dig my nails into the flesh of my palms. The more he speaks of this pack the more the need to go fires up. I was unaware of this, my mind has been elsewhere. If I were a regular Luna I would stay put as I was told to but that is not who I am.
Silence consumes us and I know he is debating. He is on a rope with two ends, he needs to make a choice. Each choice has its own risk. Either I shall be harmed or Deimos is or shall be harmed.
"I shall send my warriors to help him but I need something in return." Cronus utters. He was making a deal. This was not the kind of help I was looking for I wanted him to come with me, yet it possessed the capability to work.
"What do you need?" I ask.
"For you to stay back home." He declares. He is sly with his words and his ways but I take heed to it for I need his warriors' strength. If it were Deimos he would not make such a deal with me for he would know I would not follow through. The thought brings a quick smile to my face.
"Thank you." I whisper. He is sending his warriors to death and he is doing it merely because I asked him. He is a good male, a good brother to Deimos and a good friend to me.
"Your answer, Lumina."
"I shall. I shall stay back." A whispered lie I tell him. Perhaps he can forgive me later on. He would understand me when he finds his mate. The bond that shall bound him and leave him breathless. The bond that shall tie him to his female where he would take each and every risk to protect her. He will understand.
As soon as our conversation ends and we bid farewell to each other my eyes are turned to the awaiting anxious Elriam.