Breathe
I peer down at my watch and my eyes broaden. I am late! I am so late! I begin to run my body pumped up with adrenaline to reach the house. I shouldn't have been so engrossed with activities. Glancing at the watch I pound my feet harsher into the earth so it would give me sturdy push forward.
Heart beating mind calm I reach the wood house in a matter of minutes. The door is open wide and Elriam rocks a wailing Kal. She looks uncomfortable often wincing to his high pitched shrieks. Elriam takes care of Kal in the mornings when I head out to train and I am usually back in time to feed him but today I wasn't due to the incident.
"I am sorry. He is a bit hard to handle is he not?" I question Elriam with a chuckle as she passes him gently into my arms.
"No, Alpha. It is quite all right. He must be starving." She utters her eyes gentle lips smiling when she peers down at him. She has grown attached to him and he to her for they meet every morning. He recognizes her scent now.
Sitting down upon the chair I quickly reveal my right breast to his open wailing mouth. He is busy with his hunger tantrum to see that the source stands right in front of him. "Kal." I sigh pushing my nipple into his mouth so he can feel its presence.
He pushes his face away tears streaming down his face hands balled into fists loud sobs leaving his lips. "He is upset with you." Elriam chuckles shaking her head whilst striding to the stove to boil some tea.
"Indeed he is. Come, my male." I say gently bringing his head once more to my nipple. My breast hurts with the weight of filled milk. This time he calms and immediately begins to suck eyes fluttering close his chest enveloped by soft hiccups. This is my fault, I should have gotten here on time.
Leaning back spreading my legs I watch as he fills his stomach. "What kind of tea are you making?" I question addressing my beta.
"Lavender Lullaby." She replies pouring the boiling water through a drainer over a cup.
"Sounds lovely." I whisper.
"It is made with rose petals mixed with chamomile, lavender, and other herbs. It will help calm and soothe you." Elriam says whilst she wipes down the counter with a drenched cloth her back turned to me. She hums a soft tune whilst placing the cup on a small tray.
"Don't you look like a proper mate? Say Elriam, would you like to be mine?" I question my playfulness peeking out waiting for her answer with a sly smile on my lips.
An immediate reaction is what I acquire to my words, her cheeks a bright red as she gives me my tea and scurries away like a wild hare.
"I shall not reply to that." She says heading back into the kitchen making sure to disappear from my view so I cannot see her to tease again. A loud laugh booms from my chest.
Peering down at my male who has now begun to resume his morning activities, his belly full and eyes shut in deep slumber. The spell of satisfaction.
"Lumina?" A soft knock at the door has our attention. His scent pools in through the walls.
"Elriam it is Cronus, can you let him in for me? I shall go put Kal in his crib." I say whilst heading into the room. The curtains in here are always closed for light wakes my male up, he adores the dark just like his father. Switching on the small fan on the other side of the room to which he sleeps better for the sound is like a lullaby I shut the door halfway on my way out so I can hear him when he awakens.
Walking back into the living room has me find Cronus leaning on the counter indulged in a whispered conversation with Elriam who merely makes another cup of tea for him. From an outsiders view if Elriam were a normal wolf she would not have been able to outrun Cronus's charm. The way he speaks, the way he smiles, the way his eyes gaze at you. It may be of a friendly nature but one can be tricked into being seduced.
"Look at me. Look at me! Why can't you look at me instead of him? Why is he the only one in your eyes? Why is he the only male you see?"
"I am saying I want you. Look at me properly, see through my eyes. See through my pain. See my heart. Won't you have me? Won't you be mine?"
The words he uttered that night of the ball is still engraved within the depths of my mind. Cronus and I never truly talked about it, never really acknowledged it had happened merely swept the incident under the rug. Even when I had gone to stay in his pack we never confronted it. But I...I wish to. As dear friends, it is a must. I want to know his truth.
Clearing my throat I call his name gently in greeting, "Cronus."
His eyes turn to me swiftly and a soft smile lights upon his face. "Luna." He greets. I had invited him for breakfast today.
"How is your warrior doing?" I question whilst tugging on a chair for him to sit on.
"I do not know, I haven't gone to check up on him after the healer took him away on a stretcher." He snorts as if he finds it funny. A big solid warrior taken on a stretcher is amusing to him.
"Right." I reply whilst nodding my head. If not with his warrior, where was he?
"Alpha. I must leave now to tend to some matters. Call me when you are in need of me." Elriam places Cronus's tea in front of him whilst giving a gentle smile. He gives her a curt nod of thanks lifting the cup to his nose for a sniff.
"Of course. Thank you for today, Elriam." I thank her as she heads out of the house shutting the main door behind her.
Sipping on my tea savouring the taste as it slides down my throat. "Cronus, you must try the te-"
"I talked to Deimos." Cronus says breaking through my words. I swallow harshly whilst sudden cold silence consumes the room, only the sound of the clock ticking plays in the background. Tension is quick to surround us and bring forth uncomfortableness.
"Is that so?" I ask continuing to sip my tea without peering up at him my eyes glued to the lines of the wood upon the table hands gripping the handle of the cup tightly, it has a tremble to it.
"It must be hard for you." He says. "To forgive him for his choice."
"I don't think I ever can. I had told him before you know? That if he did something to hurt me we wouldn't be able to recover from it."
"I understand." He whispers hugging the cup with his palms warming up his flesh as he gazes down into its liquid mass.
"Did you know of this tradition?" I question.
"Not in depth but I knew how the traditions were valued here. When we were pups and I would come to visit him he would be kneeling at one of the corners in the castle until he could say the factors and meanings of a tradition byheart." He says.
I look up at him eager to know further for I truly have no idea. "Really?"
"Yes. Alpha Ares was a good male, a good father too but he was strict with his sons. He began to train them from a very young age. Deimos was quite playful as a pup unlike his serious brother so Deimos got more attention from his father and it wasn't the good sort. He needed to become a true leader." Cronus explains.
"I didn't know that. He barely spoke about his past." I sigh.
"I don't think he likes to for not all memories are good ones. It was drilled into him, Luna. For every mistake, he would get a punishment. He had to be perfect to be accepted as the next heir of this pack. Somethings cannot be broken out of, somethings he has no choice as an Alpha. You must understand this."
"I do understand." I glare up at him.
"Do you? Truly?" He finally meets my eyes. It's as if he does not believe my words of truth. I do understand but at the same time I...I don't.
"I wanted to talk to you about something." I mutter swiftly changing the topic wishing to discuss what I truly want to know.
He looks at me silently for a few seconds perhaps thinking whether to let go of this conversation or not. "Go ahead." He gives me a curt nod of acceptance.
"About that night when you confessed your feelings to me." I am quick to strike him. His actions stop and he looks taken back. Surprised how I came for him suddenly. He wasn't expecting it. Then he frowns as if thinking why this sword was drawn now.
"That...that was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened, I was wrong."
"What?" I ask. I need him to explain further than to admit his fault.
"I had never formed the close bond I have with you with any other female other than Theia. You caught me off guard. Our friendship caught me off guard. You eased my loneliness and in return, I eased yours. But my feelings weren't true, I confused myself. And I must thank you for rejecting my advances for if I had found my female she would have suffered. I don't think I can handle that. Deimos would have suffered and our bond shattered. We all would have descended into hell. Rather a pit of burning flames. But you saved us all. You are a good female, Lumina." His words sink into me and I take time to digest it.
"How do you know we would have suffered?" I lick my lips uneasily, the truth pouring into the light.
"Because I see your misery, Lumina. Only the actions of a mate can give you such sorrow."
His words. They sting deep in my heart. The emotions I kept hidden wishes to pour out to him. I want to complain to him, I want to act spoilt with him. I want to break down the shield I have on so he can see the cracks upon my heart and the disaster Deimos's choice has created.
Lowering my head palms clutching my skirt I allow a soft sob to leave my lips. My hair acts as a curtain covering my insecurities from his eyes. Sinking my teeth into my lower quivering lip, I wheeze out a gut-wrenching wail.
His palms immediately reach forward cupping my face gently. His eyes sadden whilst he regards me, thumbs wiping my stranded tears below my eyes softly. "Hush now there is no need to cry. Do you trust me, Lumina?"
My eyes shut I show him the pain of my soul. I show him my inner conflict I endure with each birth of a day. "Look at me. Look at me, Lumina." His voice is soft as feather tingling my skin. It encourages me to be strong.
I open my blurry eyes to regard him. "Do you?" He inquires.
"Y-Yes." I reply with no hesitation. I do with everything within me.
"Then trust that all shall be well. Trust that this can be healed with time. I know Deimos he will stop at nothing to become yours again for Kal and you are his universe."
"You don't understand, what he did...I- Oh goddess what he did Cronus!" I sob harder shaking my head in disapproval of his words. I cannot forgive him, never.
"Hush. It will be all right. Come here." He pulls me into his chest my sobs blocked by his now drenched shirt. His palm gently pats my back whilst he sways us side to side. Comfort is what he provides me, something I truly wanted.
We stay like that for a while with me indulging in his warm comforting presence and him making sure my pain has eased a little. He truly was my present from the moon for he had the power to cure my misery with just a few words and touches.
A sudden bang on the door has both of us flinch and startle. I frown quickly wiping away my tears with the heels of my palms. Getting up swiftly the chair screeching backwards I make my way to the door.
Pulling it open has me find a pacing Deimos his hands clasped behind his back. He looks tired and dishevelled rather shabby.
"What is it?" Is he here to see Kal? Or perhaps confront me of being alone with Cronus in the house? Maybe it is to confront me about my thoughts of the warrior?
"I am not here to confront you about anything goddamnit!" He spits and I frown further. What is wrong with him? Why has he become so stressed suddenly? Did something happen?
"Cronus is a male you keep close to your heart and I wouldn't stop your friendship." He says.
"Then what is it?" I ask watching him as he paces back and forth. I shut the main door behind me for I do not want Cronus to witness our conflicts.
"I thought about it over and over again during the past nights, the words you said that made me want to leap off a bridge. It drove me crazy. Learn to, you said. To live without you, to survive without you."
"Yes." I reaffirm the words I spoke to him.
"I thought about whether to say this to you or not." He mutters. He is agitated, he is unwell. This sparks concern in me. My words have caused his mental sickness.
"Deimos?" I call out his name taking a step closer to him. Something within me demands to console him, to hold the pieces of him falling apart.
"But I am no weak male who cannot face his female. I will speak the truth!" He roars his emotions that overflow from within him.
"Deimos, calm down." I take another step forward my palm held up facing him as a sign for him to rest his mind. We can talk when he is undisturbed.
"How do you expect me to do so? How do you expect me to live without you when-" He grits his teeth soul bare to me as he clenches his jaw shut. He is thinking again, whether or not to confess his truth.
"Deimos. I...I-" I get closer to him unknowingly. What am I even trying to say?
"When you are the air I breathe." He finishes.