Lies
'I want to die. If he dies, I will die with him.' This thought always seems to run through my mind day and night. A lot of mates have been separated through death. The one left alive could live through a strong will. But not me, I... I cannot do this anymore.
He sleeps as silent as a dead male, that I keep checking to see the rise and fall of his chest. Perhaps he dreams of vast fields and flowers, maybe even me and pups. But all I dream of is his dying eyes and his soul saying it's last goodbye.
More months have passed and Deimos hasn't woken up. At this point, wolves are losing faith, the halls filled with their never-ending chatter of his coming death. I try to remain strong as I walk past them, but for every word they say there's a crack on my wall.
His health is deteriorating. They increased his medicine dose to induce him deeper into coma as well as added an oxygen mask in case he cannot breathe on his own anymore. For their every action I watched helplessly, my body trembling with fear.
Every wolf says they can understand me but no. No wolf can understand this fear. It's a different kind of fear, one which kills both your mind and heart from within. It makes you bawl one night and laugh like a lunatic another day.
"Luna." Ragon calls out to me and I slowly turn to my right to look at him. His eyes are drowning with concern and pain. Perhaps he had been calling my name for a while. I didn't even feel him come in.
I swallow slowly and look out the window again. The sun rises from its nest and I stare coldly. I feel no emotion towards it. "Another new day. Ragon?" I call his name.
He quickly kneels at my feet looking up at me in the chair I am sitting on. "Yes, Luna." He says engulfing my palms in his.
"E-Even though the sun pours its light illuminating everything, every single day. Why does it feel like I am still alone in the eerie darkness?" I ask him.
"Luna!" His voice increases with sound. "You are not for I am here with you. Elriam is with you. We are all here with you." He says.
"I want to die. W-With him. I don't have the energy for this anymore." I say as a small cry escapes my lips.
"Please! Please!" He begs clutching on to me tighter. "Just a little more. You need to hold on a little more. You are our strength for without you, we will fall." He says tears held back. His shaky hand reaches up to my cheek wiping the stranded tears slowly.
I let out a painful breath watching the sun sit on its throne in the sky. "Another new day." I say and he nods.
"Yes, another new day. We can do this together. But you must eat, Luna. Please!" He pleads again. I understand him. I have changed a lot. I look so bad that I stopped looking at myself in the mirror early mornings. My cheeks have sunk, my hip bones are extremely visible and eyes are often swollen.
"I will." I say.
"You always say this." His tone reprimanding. A knock disturbs our conversation as Elriam enters with a trolley carrying breakfast.
"Good morning. Looks like she hasn't slept again." Elriam whispers parking the trolley right next to Ragon and me.
She grabs two plates handing the first over to Ragon and placing the second upon my work desk in front of me. Ragon begins serving food for me first and they both take their shares. I watch quietly asking no question.
"We will eat together. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day." Elriam says and Ragon nods.
My eyes find my plate and quickly look away uninterested out the window. "I am not hungry." I say.
There is silence for a minute until Elriam asks Ragon, "I am starving but I won't eat since Alpha isn't. What about you?"
"Yeah me too. I trained hard last night but since this is the case so be it. I won't eat as well." He says.
I don't say anything but flinch slightly as Ragon's stomach grumbles loudly startling me. Elriam tries to hold in a chuckle. "Let's clear this up now shall we?" Ragon asks and Elriam stands up putting the food back on the trolley.
I watch through my peripheral vision and let out a loud deep sigh. I don't want these two Betas to starve because of me. They work hard and need a lot of energy to burn. I raise my palm towards them. "Stop." I say.
They stop and watch me quietly. "What is it, Alpha?" Elriam questions as I drag my eyes from the window to face her.
"I shall eat." I say quickly moving closer to the desk. They both smile and begin serving once more.
They engage in a deep conversation which soon turns into a playful argument. "Excuse me. I have always been this handsome!" Ragon says folding his hands across his chest, nose lifted into the air.
"H-Handsome? Who? You? Goddess!" Elriam screams laughing from her belly. Ragon's expression changes to one of surprise and embarrassment.
Elriam's laugh calms my chest. It feels nice. "She is smiling!" Ragon exclaims as Elriam's face snaps to mine.
I look between them frowning. Did I just smile? Me? I don't remember smiling though. "You just smiled." Elriam chuckles as I look away from them my cheeks burning.
"She is blushing now. Wow!" Ragon says laughing as Elriam joins him.
The cold and silent room suddenly changed into one of warmth and laughter. I don't know what I would do without these two. They are my shoulders to lean on. They painted the beginning of my dark day with bright striking light.
Walking towards the pack gates my eyes find Luigi standing with a file in hand reading through some papers as two other males are up on a ladder fixing the protection devices.
"Where is the other male who came with you last time?" I ask Luigi as his eyes find mine. He bows as his greeting.
"Marco? He has been assigned for some other work so I brought a substitute." He says as I nod and walk away letting them continue their task.
"Some other work? Such a pup." Elriam chuckles mocking Marco, the disgusting male who had the guts to lay his hands upon my skin.
"I made sure he wouldn't return. I don't want that kind of male to have a look at the females of Giovanni's pack. I merely wanted to protect them." I say walking to the next location.
"Giovanni is returning and bringing the rogues alive as you requested." Elriam informs me as I halt in my steps.
My lips tilt up into a smile. A smile of a maniac consumed by the evilest thoughts. "I can't wait." I reply, my mind showing pictures of their dead soulless eyes. The scene I will create shall be a masterpiece.
"What is next on the schedule?" I ask her. Once Giovanni returns I can spend every second laying with my male. My mind perhaps then shall rest in peace knowing I am with him.
"Inventory check. I have made a small checklist for you." She replies.
The hot sun begins to burn my skin and my neck feels extremely hot. I tie my hair up for my neck to breathe. "Give it to me." I ask her as she hands me the list.
I scan the list whilst itching the side of my neck. This has been happening to me constantly, my neck keeps itching. "Alpha!" Elriam's loud voice startles me as I turn to look at her.
"What is it?" I question her frowning as she walks closer to me.
Grabbing my jaw in her palm she moves my face to the side baring my neck to her. "Your mark." Is all she says and my eyes widen.
Slapping my palm over my mark to feel it I slide my fingers across the itching flesh. It doesn't hurt but it feels rough and the skin seems to be peeling. "How did I not notice this?" I ask myself in a whisper.
Elriam quickly grabs my wrist and guides me to the pack hospital. Her feet walk fast just as the thoughts running through my mind.
As she guides me into one of the empty rooms, the healer stands alone reading through some documents. As soon as she catches a whiff of my scent she places the papers on her desk and bows deeply.
"Check her mark." Is all Elriam says forcing me to sit on one of the beds.
The healer quickly walks towards me, her eyes scanning every inch of my mark as her fingers feel up the peeling flesh. Her eyes widen in understanding of what is happening.
"Your mark is rotting." She says getting straight to the point. I look away from her. Rotting? My mark is rotting? But why? "Do you feel discomfort or pain when I touch it?" She questions.
"No. It only itches." I say and she nods.
"How long has it been itching?" She asks.
"For about a month now." I reply as she heads towards the cabinet of medicines picking up some tubes in her hand.
"The pain will arrive, soon. Anytime now. I will give you something to help you pass out. You will not be able to bear it so as soon as it begins to burn inject this into your blood and you will sleep through the pain." She advises handing me the injection.
"Is this common? Why is her mark rotting?" Elriam questions, her face drawn down in a frown confused.
"This is common when..." The healer begins her answer but pauses when her eyes find mine.
Clenching my jaw whilst my palms clutch the sheet I look down at the floor. "Say it." I order preparing myself for her answer that I feel I might already know.
"When their mate is dying." The healer finishes and I shut my eyes close in response to her words.
Silence envelopes the room as one cannot hear the sound of my heart wailing. I hold back my tears and stand up swiftly. I give a short nod as a thank you to the healer and stride out.
"I will inject this into you when it is time, Alpha." Elriam whispers taking the tubes from my open palm. My eyes find the blue sky painted with the softest of clouds.
"Elriam clear my schedule for the afternoon. I need some time to myself." I say. I need time to think.
"Of course, Alpha." She says grabbing the small book from her breast pocket and scribbling upon it.
I feel her eyes on me as I walk towards the clearing that leads to the hills we had our picnic the evening we were attacked. I haven't come back here since.
Laying my body upon the grass under the shade of the tree Deimos and I sat by I close my eyes listening to the sounds of the birds chirping and the soft humid breeze that makes the leaves dance.
What happened a few minutes ago was the confirmation I didn't wish to receive. I had been praying that this wouldn't happen, that those words wouldn't be spoken. Perhaps this had been my destiny all this while. To break a little each day, to fix the cracks myself only to break again.
I shift my body to my side, head resting on my open palm as I look at the spot Deimos and I sat at. It only seems like yesterday when I felt that warmth of happiness bursting at the depths of my soul. Now it feels void, I shiver from how cold I feel within.
I raise my palm onto the sky and gaze at its beauty through the space between my fingers.
"How will I live without you?"
"Will my heart beat again if you leave?"
"Must I follow you too? Will you take me with you?"
I ask these questions slowly speaking to the wind. At these times I wonder if the Goddess even hears me. If she sees my pain, my suffering, and if she can grant me a miracle. I shift into a kneeling position and look up at the sky.
"Allow him to live!" I say my voice merely a whisper. "Allow my male to live! I will do anything! Or take me instead, just let my male live. That's all I ask." I scream my eyes blurring with tears. "Please!" I screech banging my forehead on the ground, my fists clenching onto the mud. I pour my pain sobbing loudly, begging the Goddess for his life.
"All my life I have asked nothing from you. I went through every struggle, every hit, every cut on my own. I never begged you like this. You can take anything from me, just... not him. Let me at least have him." I bawl biting my lip so hard that blood seeps into my mouth.
I sit there crying and wailing my worries for a long time until the sun dies and the sky is painted red and orange. With shaky legs, I stand up, and with one last look at that tree, I head back to continue my duty as Alpha.
My eyes find Elriam in a heated conversation with Ragon, palms pushing his chest backward and he stumbles trying to regain his balance. He holds her wrist making her look at him. She keeps shaking her head as he tries to calm her down trying to make her listen to his words.
Frowning I head towards them. "What's wrong?" I question softly as Elriam flinches and looks at me.
"Nothing, Luna. Elriam just has different views about a certain matter." Ragon whispers giving her a side-eye as if indirectly telling her to keep quiet. Elriam doesn't meet my eyes and I immediately know they are hiding something from me.
Not wishing to swim further into this issue I change the topic. For whatever they are hiding there must be a reason and I shall respect that. "Elriam there's still something left for me to do I suppose?" I ask and she nods quickly.
"The inventory check. It was the last for the day." She whispers her eyes looking back and forth between Ragon and me.
"Look at me, Elriam." I say as she startles, stands up straighter, and finally meets my eyes head-on. "I trust you." Is all I say and she swallows and nods. I know she's hiding something but I trust that there must be an explainable reason.
I walk into the storage warehouse carrying along with the checklist Elriam made for me. There are already wolves waiting for my arrival. The dimly lit warehouse with nothing but candles and an eerie silence seems to scare me. Is this perhaps what Deimos feels right now? Dark and silent?
"I apologize for keeping you waiting. I had something to deal with." I speak to the three males present, my eyes wandering around the boxes with different name tags.
"It's all right, Luna Lumina." They say in unison.
"Give me a quick brief." I say as my fingers touch the piles of tin cans and other necessities'. Fresh meat hangs from the hooks attached to the walls. The females will cut some to produce dried meat for the coming winter.
The males take me through the warehouse pointing at all the latest supplies as well as the ones that haven't been used. It depends on the wolves' tastes as to what they like and what they don't. "The only problem is that we haven't been able to acquire this specific item." One of the males speaks up pointing to something on his notes pad as I look at him.
"Write it on a piece of paper along with all its information. I shall import it from my pack." I say as his eyes widen.
"Why? Why must you do so much for a pack that isn't yours?" He asks and I tilt my head to the side.
"Because of Giovanni. Because of my male. Because of their bond. Whatever he wishes I will make them come true and I... I am pretty sure this is exactly what he would have wanted." I say softly trying my best to hide my trembling fingers. Lately, it has become quite hard to speak about Deimos without my heart clenching shutting down my breathing.
A small spark lights up my mark. It startles me at first but I pay no heed to it, continuing to listen to their talk. I feel the rise of heat climbing little by little from within. This feeling, what is it? The heat grows with strength and I stop walking. The wolves stop as well looking back at me in confusion.
I feel the first stab and my legs shake. It attacks me with full force. My eyes widen. What's happening? "Alpha? Alpha are you all right?" I can hear Elriam's voice but I can hear a sharp ring along with it.
I wince shutting my eyes covering my ears with my palms. The room spins and I feel the second stab showing no mercy under my mark as if something is buried inside wishing to burst out. A cry of pain escapes my lips and I try to stand still.
Elriam quickly comes to my side holding me up. She orders the males to help carry me. The third stab comes and I scream in pain, tears spring forward and I hold my mark. It's burning me. My mark is burning.
Something is wrong. The room spins again and my body loses strength. I fall into Elriam's arms as she kneels placing upon her knees. She looks down at me with worried eyes her hand clutching mine. I see Ragon rushing past the males coming to my aid.
"Something is wrong with her Ragon, I told you! I told you this would happen." Her voice shakes. She is controlling the pain of her heart.
"Let's take her inside first." He says. The stabs come faster and I gasp my body surging forward.
"No, t-take me h-home. Now!" I command. Something could be happening to my male as well. My body surges forward once more and I puke all the contents of my stomach all over the floor. Elriam looks up at Ragon helplessly and he nods quickly.
Quickly dialing a number on his phone he orders, "Bring the car around."
Elriam struggles to pick me up and Ragon comes to the other side picking me up aiding her providing his strength. As soon as they move me my eyes roll to the back of my head and I stumble backward. I hear Ragon grunt as he puts his arms under my knees picking me and carrying me in his arms.
I shut my eyes allowing the pain to consume me. The sound of a car screeching to a complete stop in front of me reaches my ears. My body is being placed gently upon the seats as Ragon says, "Drive as fast as you can."
Throughout the ride, my eyes remain closed but I hear everything that happens. "We are almost there, Alpha." Elriam says softly brushing strands of hair away from my face.
I am scared. I am so scared. Not for myself but for him. Something bad is happening. Another strike of pain hits my mark and I scream clutching onto Elriam's shirt. "Ragon her mark is bleeding." She says whilst quickly tearing a piece off her shirt and holding it to my mark.
"The injection!" She says whilst her hands search within her pockets.
"No! I need t-to see h-him first." I stutter the words to her.
"Get her out." He says and I feel my body being carried again. I smell several wolves in my house, their scents all mingled together. No! They will take away his scent! Why are they all here?
As soon as we enter the room where Deimos sleeps I finally open my eyes. The stabs under my mark remain but reduce in strength. I am placed on the cold ground softly and my blurry eyes get accustomed to the piercing light.
My eyes widen when I find so many wolves around Deimos. One is injecting him with something another strips him off his shirt whilst the healer checks his heartbeat.
"What is going on?" I ask my voice hoarse and dry.
The healer finally acknowledges me as she peers down at me. "He is not doing so well." Is all she says getting back to check up on him. What does she mean by that?
One of the females' kneels next to me checking my mark but my eyes remain on my male. The heart monitor continues beeping and I pray. I pray it doesn't stop. I pray that everything will be fine and that this was just a small scare.
But not every prayer gets answered.
His body begins to shake violently whilst the wolves try to hold him down. My mark bleeds further gushing out like water staining my dress a dark red. I can neither hear nor feel anything from the wolf kneeled next to me anymore.
I see it. The fear in Ragon's eyes. All these months I haven't seen even a hint of it but now I see it clearly. The heart monitor stops and so does my heart as a high pitch tone follows. My eyes look to find a straight line and the number zero shown.
The healer shouts, "Bring the defibrillator!" She shouts and all I can see are wolves running around bringing a huge machine to his side.
I bring my bloody palm and clasp it over my mouth to control my screams. I wail watching the scene unfold in front of me. Tears stream down my face as I crawl upon the floor trying to get to him. Elriam holds me back as I fight her hold with what I can.
"On the count of three. One. Two. Three!" She shouts placing the machine upon his chest as it shoots an electric pulse and his body takes the shock. No response. Only silence.
"Again!" She screams and I struggle to breathe. I struggle to see. I struggle to hear. I look up at Elriam as she sobs looking down at me holding my face in his hands. She cannot bear to see me like this.
"Where is the injection the healer gave you?" The female next to me asks Elriam.
Elriam quickly searches through her pockets and hands it to the female. As the wolf prepares to inject it into my bloodstream, I remember the words the healer told me when we first brought Deimos here. She said he will wake up for he is a strong male.
The healer had spoken lies, for my male was not waking up.