As Long As You Stay
Blank. This seems to be the situation of my mind for the past few days. I can't... no, I don't want to think of anything. I get up every morning rushing before my male's eyes find mine. I run on that treadmill like my life depends on it, I box like I will not see the daylight tomorrow.
Anything. Anything that will not allow me to think, as my mind always tends to possess useless dreams when I do. I have made the training of the females harder putting in all my focus and attention. I haven't been to Giovanni's house to see him or Gianna. I don't wish to spend time with her for a while. She fuels my desire.
I wish to talk to Deimos again instead of ignoring his existence but fear consumes me. I don't want him to read my thoughts as knowing him he definitely will since I will not speak. Every time my ears perk up to the sound of his voice coming towards me during the day I run. He often searches for me only to get negative responses. I have made myself a ghost.
At night before he arrives, I close my eyes shut pretending to be asleep. I level my breathing for realness, something I am good at as I learned to do so as a pup to escape the wretched hands of my family. I often feel his gaze on my body as he lies far from my side. Never touching, never speaking or shifting closer. A barrier I put up between us to protect myself. Perhaps it hurts him in the process but I need some time.
"Are you well, Alpha?" Elriam questions her eyes drowning with worry.
"Yes." Is all I answer her.
"You look quite pale?" She asks me again.
"Just a lot of work to do." I reassure her with a soft smile. My eyes once again landing on the pups in front of me playing ball. Their laughter is like music to my ears. Then I watch their mothers as their pups run into their arms. Ah what a sight to see, all of them in their bubble of happiness. I bite my lip and look away. I need to exercise again.
"Right. Why don't you do that first and get back to me?" My ears pick up Deimos's voice approaching us. My eyes widen, I need to run. I need to get away. My eyes search eagerly for a way out as Elriam looks at me frowning. Finding a small clearing into the woods from where I stand my feet takes me there.
"Alpha!" Elriam shouts her voice laced with concern. I run without looking back, just a little more and I will be safe from his prodding eyes.
She takes the attention of Deimos quickly and gives away my location. "Lumina!" He screams. He is filled with rage. He doesn't like me running away from him. I always seem to anger him. I don't mean to. I just do.
I feel him quickly catching up to me. His feet pounding upon the grass floor but as I dodge his hands that wish to grab me, I add fuel to his anger.
"Deimos. Leave me be!" I scream pleading him to just leave me alone. If he catches me I cannot help myself. I will pour out my feelings uncontrollably. A loud growl vibrates through me the waves of its force making the birds flee the trees. The sound of two feet turns into four and I know his wolf is out.
I urge my wolf to take over but she stands still not moving silently watching the scene unfold in front of her. She has made this my fight. His wolf is faster, soft snarls grumbling from deep within his chest. He doesn't run behind me anymore but at my side soon taking over running ahead of me.
My eyes widen when he flies past trees sliding in front of my path sprinting once more but towards me. I stop dead in my tracks as his paws pound the earth with force, eager to get to me. His eyes are set on me daring me to not move another inch. I cannot run from him anymore. He has caught me.
He pounces on me as if I were his prey, my back landing harshly upon the forest ground. I flinch to the force I was thrown back in. He roars on my face, lips pulled back fangs glinting from the sunlight. I lie still not moving just staring at him as he portrays his anger. His eyes hold a promise that he will not hurt me rather show his disapproval of my actions.
After a while of his small tantrum, he finally lifts his paws off my shoulders and I get up into a sitting position staring at the ground. His wolf circles me often coming in for a sniff of my neck, a lick, or a soft bite of my wrist. My scent calming this Alpha male.
"Do... do you at least want pups?" I break the silence fisting the mud into my palms. His wolf stops his circling and drops down, sitting in front of me on his hind legs. "Do you want a family with me?" I ask him again never meeting his eyes. I feel him near me slowly crawling infiltrating my protected space.
"I-I thought about it for so long. I wonder if I will be a good mother? I think you will be an amazing father." I say, my lips wobbling. Tears seeping to the front wanting their release. His wolf lets out a soft whine dropping his head on my lap looking up at me.
"I never had a loving family. I don't even know the meaning of family but I want to feel it. That warmth. I want to feel it with no other but you. O-Or do you still find me unworthy to have this with you?" I ask him my last question, pouring out my insecurities sobbing as I cover my eyes with my dirty palms’ tears streaming down my face. His wolf whines softly sniffing and licking my face whilst nudging me with his snout pressing his cheek to mine.
I weep and whimper, my heart open on display for him. Something I tried hard to bury the past few days rising from the dead to show itself. I can never hide from him. I flinch when I feel the warmth of two hands clutching mine removing my palms from my face.
I don't look up at him as slight hiccups take over. "Don't weep, my female, it pains me." He says softly bringing me into his arms. "Don't run from me, it kills me. Don't hide your thoughts from me, I want to see what you cannot tell." He whispers softly.
His thumbs gently wipe the stranded tears away, his fingers lifting my jaw for our eyes to meet. He tilts his head to the side looking down at me gently.
"I am sorry." I whisper. A natural instinct. He frowns.
"Don't apologize to me. Why do so? None of this is your fault. I bear it all. I... I am sorry, my female. For putting you through all this." He says his eyes filled with distress.
"I just needed to not think and be free for a while. I didn't even think about how you would have felt. I-" I begin expressing my thoughts as he puts a finger to my lips.
"Hush now. You asked me if I still find you unworthy? No. You are worth everything in this world. All pleasures and riches... even my life. Forgive me for I often fail to provide you with what you desire the most, mate." He whispers holding my hands in his.
I shake my head quickly grabbing his neck pulling him onto me. Forgiveness and understanding comes easy between us for that is what being in love means. My lips on his mark, nose sniffing his scent. Mind open without barriers. We stay like this for a while basking in the warmth of the other. Even if it was for a few days without his scent and touch, I missed him with all my heart. This is how much he means to me.
Deimos shifts away from me. "How about we go out for the day? Enjoy Italy a bit. Would you like that? Hmm?" He asks softly, eyes gentle as he puts a strand of my hair behind my ear.
My eyes light up and excitement fills me as I eagerly nod. We haven't had the time to go sightseeing since we were busy with our duties. But I would love to have a day off to spend time with him. Something we haven't had for a while. Time.
A soft chuckle leaves his lips as he watches my reaction. "Very well. I shall speak to Giovanni though he has absolutely no power over my words." He smirks getting up giving his hand for me to take.
"Deimos!" I playfully swat him for his words as I get up and we begin to walk back.
"What, my female? I am the Alpha of Alpha's after all." He whispers in my ear and I blush. His chuckle envelopes me once more and we walk back to the pack grounds hand in hand as my male makes me laugh with his jokes.
Heading back inside I take a quick shower and change into the extra pair of clothes I often bring from home. Sightseeing in Italy. The day has finally arrived for me to get a sight of this beautiful country. I get to spend the entire day with Deimos as well. Excitement fills my nerves.
As soon as I head back down towards the gates, Deimos is already waiting for me. Dressed in casual wear with a black shirt and baby blue jeans. I can feel his gaze beneath those shades over his eyes. He greets me with a warm smile. "Come." He says opening his palm to me.
I put mine in his and he guides me to a sleek white car. The driver opens our doors and I quickly get in the passenger seat buckling up as Deimos starts the engine. "I will do my best to make this day special for you, mate." He says driving us away from Giovanni's pack.
Throughout the ride, our mouths never stop the chatter. He tells me of the days during his childhood he spent here, pointing at and explaining the famous spots on the way. His favorite memories are written in these waters. I tell him of all the street food I want to try and he teaches me how to pronounce them in Italian.
"Proverà a ordinare in italiano. Per favore sii paziente con lei." Deimos speaks to the vendor as I look around the market Deimos has brought me to. It's a traditional Italian market with a mix of a carnival.
("She will try to order in Italian. Please be patient with her.")
"Go ahead, Lumina." He says to me as I look towards the assortment of pastries trying to figure out which one I know and want to try.
"P-Posso avere il chio .... no wait .... chiuchera?" I jumble up the words mixing up Italian and English hoping the vendor would understand the words that I probably just brutally murdered.
Deimos lets out a hearty laugh as the vendor looks extremely confused. "Point the pastry to me, Lumina." He says.
I quickly place my finger on the glass showing him the pastry. "Chiuchera!" I say my head held high trying to portray my confidence. Deimos laughs again.
"Try again. I taught this to you in the car." He says smiling.
"Chiu-" I begin as he cuts me off.
"Chia." He corrects my beginning of the word.
"Chiacher-" I try again.
"Chiacchie-" He helps me giving me hints.
"Chiacchie?" I ask him confused trying hard to remember the word. The vendor and Deimos wait patiently for me.
"Si. Chiacchie." He responds. I frown, running it through my memory. It takes a while and I finally remember it.
"Oh! Oh! I got it! Chiacchiere!" I say jumping up and down as Deimos nods smiling.
"Good girl. Now try again." He says nodding towards the vendor.
Clearing my throat, straightening my back I order again. "Vorrei comprare chiacchiere per favore." I order and the vendor chuckles and picks up the tongs.
("I would like to buy small talk please.")
"Quanti?" The vendor asks.
("How many?")
"Otto." I reply and look up at Deimos who looks down at me possessing a proud smile across his face.
("Eight.")
"Well done. Here's your present." He says grabbing my cheeks capturing my lips in a gentle but passionate kiss melting me from within.
Munching on the pastry, Deimos guides me through the stalls. The stalls are decorated beautifully with a myriad of colors. It's quite a sight to see. We are protected from the heat of the sun through the layers of material that hang through the tents helping shade the pathway. I stop in my tracks when my eyes find a dress and accessory stall and I quickly point towards it.
He takes me there without hesitation quickly abiding to my request. Halfway there a male almost bumps into me but Deimos blocks it whilst pulling me to him. "Guarda dove stai andando." He says to the male, tone stern as a small growl rumbles through his chest.
("Watch where you are going.")
The male's eyes widen as he flinches, nods, and quickly scurries away running from the burning stare of Deimos.
I scan through the male's section to find something for him. The last time we went to a market back home he purchased a necklace for me and this time I want to get him something.
I find a beautiful pink shirt with a floral pattern. Something Deimos would rather die than wear. Wanting to tease him I quickly grab it whilst placing it over his chest. His eyes widen as it finds the feminine shirt over his body.
"I like this. What do you think?" I ask him raking my eyes over his body acting like I love it.
"I-I don't think this is-" He begins, showing utter disapproval whilst shaking his head as I cut him off.
"I would love it if you wore it for me." I whisper feigning innocence to gauge his reaction.
"I like it! I will wear it. Do you want me to wear it now? I can if that's what you want. I shall go buy it right away." He says taking out the wallet from his back pocket whilst checking the price but stops when he hears my laugh, frowning confused.
"Deimos! I was just playing around with you!" I continue laughing, a laugh from within my belly as his confused eyes turn into one filled with a playful mischievous light.
Shifting closer to me looking into my eyes, his palm meets with the flesh of my ass. I gasp with surprise as he leans closer to my ear and whispers, "Bad girl." I blush deeply, even though the inside of this stall is secluded his chosen method of punishment makes me burn from within.
"Do that again, I will make sure everyone can see and hear your punishment." He says grabbing my hand walking out of the stall as I bite my lip and follow, a growing need filling my depths.
"Wait, I still want to get you something." I tell him trying to get away from his hold.
"I don't want anything, Lumina. I already have everything I need." He says looking back at me.
He guides me into a restaurant for lunch and I cannot help but be in awe of the setting. There's soft Italian music playing and the dim light suits perfectly as a romantic setting for all the couples seated.
We sit in the booth situated far and enclosed from the others providing utmost privacy. I noticed the curious eyes of the individuals present upon us especially on my male. He doesn't seem to know it, yet he is often the center of attention.
It was the first time I had a meal with my mate at a restaurant and I didn't hide my contentment. It was exciting that the dreams I dreamt of were all coming true. Even simple things like him holding my hand, him being protective over me, him paying for me though I could too.
"So which one?" Deimos asks me.
"Patience, my male." I whisper.
"We have been here for ten minutes already, mate." He says with a hint of teasing.
"Fine! Vanilla it is." I say wetting my lips excited to devourer the soft-looking ice cream that seems to melt in one's mouth.
He orders for me and quickly gives me the cone waiting for his. I sink my teeth into the gelato savoring the taste as my eyes scan all the couples at the carnival. I watch one particular couple who are eating gelato just like us. The female seems to have some cream on his face and the male gently wipes it off with his fingers.
I look back up at Deimos who is enjoying his cone, tapping away on his phone. I lift the cone to my face and push it against the side of my mouth. Clearing my throat giving him the perfect view of the spot I feign innocence. I feel playful today, perhaps because my heart is with joy.
I feel his eyes on me and I look towards him, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask him.
His lips tilt up in a knowing smirk. Bending down to my level his hot tongue slowly licks off the cream I put from the side of my mouth. My eyes widen and I look back at him. This male of mine always seems to be playing his own game never doing what I think would happen.
"What? Did you think I was like that male over there, to gently remove the cream you purposely put with my fingers?" He asks with a teasing smile and I quickly look down at my feet, cheeks burning hot. He saw, he knew. I smile up at him and he smiles back with gentle eyes.
Sudden music takes my attention from him. I look around and find some kind of a ride with horses. A lot of excited pups are screaming and running towards it. It circles in slow motion and the horses go up and down. I look up at and with one look Deimos understands and nods with a smile.
"Goddess look! Deimos, look at me. I am riding a horse! Are you looking?" I scream angling my head to look at him.
"I am looking, my female." He chuckles whilst capturing photos of me on his phone.
"I want to ride this all day!" I say. It is so fun; the horse carries my body up and brings in down while everyone present on the ride is being rotated 360 degrees. This ride is called the carousel. I have never seen or knew something like this existed.
"Come down, Lumina. I shall give you something else to ride on." He says with a teasing smirk. The females on the ride hear him with a gasp and the juveniles turn red blushing deep. The males clear their throat and look away while I hide my face in embarrassment leaving me no option but to leave the ride as soon as possible.
As the sun sets and the sky sleeps with the stars, Deimos and I walk hand in hand whilst the excitement calms down and silent peace takes over. I had a wonderful day. I scan my surroundings to see pups sleeping on their mother's shoulders worn out by the day.
More families have gathered now, couples leaving. I think it's best for us to leave as well. Sadness takes over me again as I see them, I bite my lower lip and look away. Perhaps someday.
"Lumina." My male calls out to me gently. "Let's go ride the Ferris wheel. You will love it." He quickly pushes through the small crowd guiding us to the ride.
A male holds his palm out to for us to wait and as a small carriage parks into view he gives us a nod to enter whilst the glass doors slide open.
As soon as we are seated, the wheel moves slowly until the lights and people become small miniatures. "Wow." I whisper keeping my palms upon the glass.
"Do you like it?" He asks and I smile nodding.
"I love it. Today has been perfect." I whisper. There is tension illuminating from him. I feel its strength hitting my aura.
"My female." He whispers shifting closer to me, grabbing my jaw to look at him as he bends down to capture my lips in his.
He takes it slow, savoring me softly. His palms holding my jaw thumb sliding across my cheekbone. As I open my eyes to look at him, his face masked with a frown, fingers trembling as he kisses me. This is a kiss of fear.
"Deim-" He doesn't let me speak as he pushes his mouth deeper into mine. Our lips make love but his mind shatters. His body showing me his truth.
I push him away slowly; his eyes are closed and he shivers with clenched fists. I slowly lift my palms holding this face in my hands.
"Look at me." I whisper and he opens his eyes looking straight into mine. "What's wrong, my male?" I ask him, my tone soft as I am speaking to an afraid pup.
"If it's pups you want, Lumina. I'll give them to you. If it's the world, I shall place it at your feet. If it's my soul you need, take it. You can have it all. All of me. As long as you stay." He whispers, the fear he had hidden well stepping into light.