Chapter 158 Elara's POV
I couldn't stop crying.
Ethan was dead, the man who had saved me. Protected me got me to safety when the pack wanted me executed.
Gone because of Selena's final act of hatred.
The funeral was held three days later the entire pack gathered to honor their fallen Beta.
Ethan's body was laid out in traditional warrior fashion dressed in ceremonial armor, weapons at his side, the Blue Moon Pack banner draped over him.
I stood beside Kaden, holding Adrian, tears streaming down my face. But Kaden didn't cry and didn't show any emotion at all.
He stood perfectly still, perfectly calm, his face a mask of stone as speaker after speaker eulogized Ethan.
Talked about his loyalty, his courage, his dedication to the pack.
How he'd died protecting his Alpha. Died a hero's death.
When it was Kaden's turn to speak, he walked to the front with measured steps.
"Ethan was my Beta. My friend. My brother in all but blood."
His voice was flat emotionless. "He served this pack with honor. He died with honor. We will remember him, we will honor his sacrifice, that is all."
He walked back to his place beside me, still no tears, still no visible grief. It scared me, this unnatural calm, this complete shutdown of emotion.
They buried Ethan at sunset in the pack cemetery. Beside Kaden's mother and other fallen warriors.
The pack howled their grief to the darkening sky. A mournful sound that made my chest ache.
But Kaden remained silent. Just staring at the grave as they lowered Ethan's body into the earth.
The next day, the council convened to appoint a new Beta.
They chose Marcus, one of the senior warriors, a good man capable and loyal. But he wasn't Ethan and could never be Ethan.
Kaden accepted the appointment with a curt nod. Didn't offer congratulations or encouragement. Just acknowledged Marcus's new position and dismissed the council.
I tried to be there for him and tried to offer comfort but Kaden had become unreachable.
He threw himself into preparing for war. Working eighteen-hour days. Barely eating. Barely sleeping.
And when anyone tried to talk to him about anything other than military strategy, he snapped.
"Alpha, about the supply distribution-"
"Figure it out yourself. I don't have time for minor details."
"But the families of the fallen warriors need-"
"I said figure it out!"
He broke things, threw papers, slammed doors. Marcus tried to help coordinate the defense preparations.
"I think we should reinforce the western border as well-"
"Did I ask for your opinion?"
"No, but as Beta, I thought-"
"You're not Ethan! Stop trying to be Ethan! Just do what you're told!"
Marcus backed away, hurt clear on his face. I wanted to intervene and wanted to tell Kaden he was being cruel and unfair.
But I could see the pain beneath the anger. Could see him barely holding himself together.
So I let him be given space to grieve in his own destructive way.
Kira and Kara took over caring for Adrian during the day. Fed him changed and played with him.
While I followed Kaden around like a shadow. Not speaking, not demanding attention, just being present. So he'd know he wasn't alone even if he was pushing everyone away.
A week after the funeral, I found him in his destroyed office. Papers everywhere and furniture overturned everything in chaos.
He stood in the middle of it all, breathing hard, his hands clenched into fists.
"Kaden-"
"Don't. Just... don't."
"I'm not going to tell you it's okay or that you need to calm down. Or any of the things people keep saying."
I stepped carefully over broken glass. "I just want you to know I'm here. When you're ready."
"I'm never going to be ready."
"Then I will wait anyway."
I left him there and went back to our quarters to nurse Adrian and try to rest my still-healing body.
That night, very late, I heard the door open.
Kaden entered his hair and disheveled his clothes wrinkled and stained. He looked like he hadn't showered in days.
He moved toward the bed where I lay. His eyes were wild, almost feral.
I sat up, my heart racing. "Kaden? What's wrong?"
He didn't answer, just started removing his shirt then his pants stripping down completely.
Fear spiked through me. "Wait. I'm still healing. I can't….we can't-"
But he wasn't approaching me sexually. His movements were different, desperate but not predatory.
He climbed onto the bed and pulled me close. Buried his face in my neck and breathed.
Deep, shuddering breaths. Taking in my scent. Like he was drowning and I was air.
"Kaden?"
His hands moved to the hem of my nightgown. Started pulling it up.
I was tense. "I told you, I can't-"
"I know. I'm not... I just need..." His voice was broken raw. "Please let me."
I understood then he didn't want sex. He wanted a connection and wanted to feel close to me in the most basic, primal way.
Through scent, through touch, through physical proximity. I relaxed, let him remove my nightgown, and let him see me fully.
The surgical scars, the fading bruises, the body that had been through so much trauma.
He didn't seem to notice any of it. Just pressed his face to my shoulder and breathed.
Then he moved lower his nose against my collarbone, breathing deeply down to my chest, my stomach , and my hips.
He was scenting me, marking every part of me with his presence while absorbing my scent in return.
It wasn't sexual. It was something deeper and more fundamental: his wolf was at the edge. Barely contained. Needing the comfort of his mate's scent to stay grounded.
I lay still letting him do what he needed to run my fingers gently through his hair as he moved across my body.
Hours passed he didn't speak and didn't stop. Just kept breathing me in like I was the only thing keeping him from completely falling apart.
At some point, exhaustion claimed me. My eyes grew heavy and my body relaxed completely.
I fell asleep with Kaden still pressed against me. Still breathing, still desperately holding onto the one thing Selena and Xavier and Erebus hadn't taken from him.
Me his mate, his anchor in the storm of grief and rage.
When I woke briefly in the early morning, he was still there. Still sensing me his breathing had evened out but he hadn't stopped.
I whispered, "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, you're not alone."
I didn't know if he heard me. But his arms tightened around me slightly.
And that was enough.
I went back to sleep, letting him take whatever comfort he needed from my presence.
Knowing that eventually maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually he would find his way back from the darkness.
And I would be there waiting ready to help him heal. Just like he'd been there for me through all my own darkness.
That's what mates did what partners did.
They held each other through the unbearable. And somehow, together, they survived.