Losing One's Faith

We drank to our hearts’ content in silence as we waited for Varick’s return. Phineas gave me time to mourn and I appreciated his way of letting me drown to my sorrow, drinking what was once a banal existence to my nunhood.

Varick showed up, entering the wine cellar and his expression changed to that of a somber look as he stared at the collection of the finest liquor.

“I am going to have them disposed of.”

Phineas returned to his usual self as he gave him a sheepish grin. “I can do that with no complaints.”

“Do what you must.”

I gave the head mage the look as he shrugged. He was definitely going to take all of them for himself.

“Varick,” I called out to him when he turned his back. “How are things with the Hatiist Church?”

I knew I shouldn’t speak about Hati in front of him yet I was so curious. 

He didn’t say a word and he exited the wine cellar.

“Varick!” I called out again as I tried to catch up to him.

“Wait, Luna!” I turned to the Head Mage and he looked a bit guilty from the way his eyes averted mine.

“I would like to apologize—”

“No, there is nothing to apologize for,” I said, cutting him off. I looked down as my fingers gripped my dress. “You are just making sure I wasn’t doing anything to anger the Alpha Leader. You only did it for my sake, t-thank you.”

He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Lenalee’s death won’t be in vain. Please trust me to find the missing piece of information in her letter.”

“R-Right, thank you.”

Lenalee’s words warned me of being careful of something…or was it truly someone as Phineas stated?

Or…should I really trust Phineas after confiding in him about the letter?

No, why was I thinking like the voice that kept coming each time I was having doubts.

And yet, for the first time, I wished it would come out and tell me what was this feeling of mine, the feeling of uncertainty.

=====

Varick was standing at the bedroom door when I came out. He was staring off-space for Hati-knows-how long.

Then his eyes moved to my direction as he turned. 

“I will destroy this house.”

I blinked. “What?”

He crossed his arms, his onyx eyes flickered with nonchalance. “This house is filled with some rouge filth. Then, there was the remaining scent of the beta maid in here.”

I didn’t take his words lightly as I frowned. “What’s wrong with Lenalee’s remaining scent here?”

He grimaced. “The fact that I let an outsider here pissed me off. I wouldn’t allow this if only the former servants weren’t negligent to their duty of serving you.”

“And I thanked you for bringing Lenalee here. I—”

“The fact remains that I let an outsider here,” he seethed as veins of his forehead marred on his youthful face. “I would speak to the Seer for the matter of recommending her.”

Oh right. When we first met, Lenalee did talk about the Seer, I pondered. 

“How did the Seer meet Lenalee?”

“That is something I must ask him personally.” He scratched his head and he sighed. “I’m going to see him. In the meantime you will stay in Phineas’s tower tonight.”

“Excuse me?!” Phineas popped out after pushing two crates of bottles of wine, he panted as he tried to hold his breath. He glared at Varick. 

“How could you trust me so much that you let the Luna stay in my tower?"

“I don’t," he simply replied. "Because you are going to accompany me to see the Seer and we will return to your Tower in the morning."

Phineas’s jaw dropped and gave a dramatic sigh. “I helped a lot for this pack and my mana’s out.”

“You already consumed a lot from the wine you drank.” Then he pointed at me. “Use it to transfer her to your room.”

The High Mage gawked at him. “You expect me to go back to my tower on foot, do you? And just to let you know, I haven’t had a wink of sleep!”

He glared at him which made him flinch. “I have been patient with you for a while. Do it or I'll break those crates.”

“A-All right already!” Phineas exclaimed and gave me a sour look. 

Up until now, I was confused whether these two are indeed friends or perhaps they didn’t realize they were comfortable with each other’s skin.

But wait, after hearing them passing words to each other in a one-sided argument, the thought dawned on me that they haven’t  confided in me of their decision.

“Wait, let me have a say on this, Var—”

But it was too late and my body warped into a light before I disappeared from the hallway of my so-called new home—

—into an unfamiliar room.

I was too stunned to move. My mouth still dropped from the earlier events and slowly but surely my brows creased and I felt anger resurfacing once more.

“How could they do as they please!” And I knew complaining wouldn’t do any good. 

The room where I was teleported was a huge room yet it was filled with book shelves in every corner. There was a large French window facing in front of me and a shelf of weird inventions that I hadn’t seen before.

A bed was placed beside a mountain of books on the floor. 

Phineas was a mage, gifted with a knowledge of magic. But being born a wolf meant he didn’t have much mana compared to the likes of elves and dragons.

When I looked at the bed, weariness started to take a toll on me and the injuries I had were slowly healing with great thanks to the natural regenerative ability wolves possessed.

The wounds the rogues inflicted were really nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

I was still grieving for Lenalee but at the same time, I was angry for the role given to me.

“Bear a child, that has always been my role after marrying the Alpha leader.” I closed my eyes as I laid on the bed. “But now I was given a chance to think alone, was that the only option for me as the Luna of the Skollist pack?”

I opened my eyes again as I raised my upper body, staring at my reflection at the french window. 

“Hati, each day I felt like I am slowly losing my purpose in life,” I said as I stared at my hand. "I felt useless because not only did I had no signs of pregnancy, I couldn't do anything for anyone dear to me."

"Am I truly worthless?"

Kozart’s face showed in my mind and I recalled what he said.

“Hati’s words are still relevant. Don’t lose faith.”

Suddenly, I felt a nauseating feeling from the pit of my stomach and I rushed to find the nearest toilet where I could throw an incoming bile.

Hastily, I opened the nearest door—thank Hati, it was his bathroom and threw the contents on the toilet.

I felt sick and my body heated up all of the sudden.

I felt myself dizzy, the strange sensation continued throbbing to my head as I felt myself losing my consciousness.

Next thing I know, I dropped on the bathroom floor, my vision blurred until I could only see darkness.

Little did I knew, Hati had answered my prayers that night.