Chapter Thirty-One

Today's a full moon and I've been so concerned with everything else that I didn't even realize it until I heard a whisper in the wind about preparations for the Full Moon Feast outside my window. I've been sweating the entire day. Sylvia knows this, and she hands me a warm drink that calms me a little, and makes me feel better. But the shift is going to happen, I can sense this, and having to face this without Raphas brings tears to my eyes.

I remember the fear I felt acutely. But he was there by my side and my fear vanished. Who will comfort me this time? Who will be my reassurance in the dark?

Just like the last time, the hours seem to be flying now. There's a clock in this room, and it doesn't stop ticking. My symptoms are worsening, just like the first time, and I'm running a fever. Sylvia stops by and runs a cold bath for me, but it doesn't cool me down. I warm the water. There's nothing we can do to avoid this. I'm shifting tonight, and I don't know what to expect.

Night falls quicker than I anticipated. My vision is blurry and I feel sick to my stomach. I clutch it as I walk out. I need help, but there's no one around. Sometimes it feels like no one else lives here. There are so many bedrooms on this floor but it's like they're vacant. Like nobody sleeps here. Do they? It's hard to tell when I haven't left in so long, and I don't monitor the halls.

I descend the stairs. The halls are all empty. I whimper with pain. Won't somebody help me?

I feel prickles of pain down my spine as I walk out the front door. I head for the woods. There's no one around, just like the night I almost ran, but I fall to my knees before I reach the forest and my bones start snapping and thick fur sprouts from my pores. I clench my teeth and ride the pain.

After I shift, I run into the woods. I'm not as confused as the first time, but it's still something foreign to me, knowing I'm caged inside a wolf. It's me, but at the same time it isn't and that's what kills me.

Someone whispers my name in my ear and instinctively, I know it's the Moon. I look at the sky and howl. I run frantically, but I don't plan on running away from the House. Something is anchoring me to it and I know it's my bond with Reed.

Of course, Reed isn't that far behind. I should have known he would come. In fact, I knew. He's telling me to stop but I'm ignoring him. I run faster.

Reed starts chasing me and I run from him. It isn't like with Raphas. I wasn't bonded to him, but I felt safe around him. It isn't the same with Reed. With him, I have to trust him and I have to love him, but something stops me from doing so. I'm compelled to accept him as my soul mate, but I just can't. I refuse to let Raphas die. Not without a fight.

He growls a command at me and I stop. I flatten my ears as he makes his way to me, and he bares his teeth at me. I whine and lower myself to the ground. He stands tall and proud, large and black like his brother, but without the serenity, the compassion. They're like the two sides of the Moon, one light and bright, and the other dark and hidden.

He presses his muzzle to mine and I move away. He growls and I move towards him again. Why does he have this much power over me? Is it because he's my mate, or because he's the Alpha. But I'm not a StoneMoon, I didn't swear to be loyal to him. He shouldn't have this much command over me.

The scar is a white line above his eye. He licks his teeth and then starts licking me. I have no choice but to let him, but I won't deny it feels good. It's comforting and reminds me of when Raphas did it to me. Reed emits a warning growl, and I know I need to put a hamper on my thoughts of Raphas. Just for now. He's very close to me, so he can sense my thoughts clearly.

I'm hungry again, but not for food. Reed senses this and shifts back to human form. He's naked and there's sweat running down his body. I think of how easy it would be to attack him now that's he's so vulnerable. I could sink my teeth in his flesh and satiate my hunger.

He puts a hand up. "Don't even think about it, Bea. I can shift in a second. Trust me, you'll regret it."

He nears me and starts caressing my fur. "You're beautiful," he says. He scratches behind my ears and I wag my tail. I will it to stop, and he chuckles.

"Shift," he commands, and I feel pain again. I melt back into my human form and I'm breathing hard. I'm naked, too. He lowers down to my level and takes my chin between his fingertips. "Did you think I would let you wander the woods on your own, lost and afraid?"

I'm having a hard time catching my breath. "I wouldn't be surprised if you did."

He caresses my face. "I wouldn't do that to you, Bea. Even though you're undeserving of my love, you're still my mate. I Marked you."

"You're so full of yourself," I push his hand away. "I'm undeserving of your love? You tricked me. You knew I loved your brother, yet you still bit me. How will I ever forgive you for that?"

"I already told you, you were my mate, too. How could I let him have you without a fight?"

"That wasn't a fight, that was cowardice."

"All's fair in love and war, Bea. Didn't I tell you that before?" He's touching me again and it's dizzying. I swat his hand away, but it keeps coming back.

"Stop touching me, Reed. Will you take me against my will again?"

"You want me to touch you, Bea. I know you do. I can sense all your feelings, your thoughts, just as you can sense mine. We're one."

"Why don't you go to one of your whores and take them instead? That's what you've been doing this whole time, isn't it?"

"To provoke you, but it's not them I truly want. My blood sings when you're near me, Bea." He grabs my waist and I go willingly to him. Traitorous body. My own flesh is betraying me. I straddle him and he teases my breasts with his tongue. I want him, but I don't. I need him, but I shouldn't. It's a never-ending conflict.

He stands and carries me back to the house. I don't fight him, I can't tonight. He will do as he pleases with me, and I have no choice but to let him, and enjoy it.

Damn you, Moon. Damn you.