148

148
CAMILLE
Four days spent going back and forth between work and the hotel I was staying at was starting to get to me. I would have to begin hunting for a
house soon, but something was holding me back.
Every time I started looking through listings for houses online, I started thinking about Drew’s house. Somewhere along the line, between my moving in and building a nursery together, his house had become my home.
As someone without a place to call home as a child, I had developed an attachment to his. It was everything that I had wanted growing up, and it was everything that I had lost.
Trying to replace the one house in my life that had ever felt like a home was going to be impossible. I knew once the girls were here my house would start feeling like a home again, but I didn’t know how to do that on my own.
I sighed as I sat down on the couch in my hotel room and pulled out my phone.
Recently, the idea of being a single mother was bothering me more than I’d thought it would. I knew that I would be a good mother to my daughters.
However, there was a small voice in the back of my mind that told me I would be exactly like my own mother.
As the worry started to gnaw at me again, I called the only person who might be able to relate to how I was feeling.
“Hey,” Haley said, her tone cheerful. “How are you doing? I know I haven’t been able to get up to the city to see you recently but I can’t wait until I can get up there again. Trinity keeps asking about the babies and when she gets to meet them.”
I laughed. “They’re going to be here before we know it. That’s part of why I was calling actually.”
“Are you okay?” She switched to concerned mother mode in the blink of an eye. “If I need to come up there and kick some ass I will.”
“Drew and I are just having some problems. It looks like I might be doing the single mother thing and I’m scared as hell about it.”
“What do you need right now? Where are you? Are you somewhere safe?” “I’m staying at a hotel for the time being and yes, I’m safe. He just decided that he didn’t want to be a father and I can’t blame him for that. If he doesn’t
want them, it’s better that he’s not around.”
“Why are you staying at a hotel? You know that you’re welcome here whenever you want.”
“I know. It’s a long drive and with the way my mind was a couple days ago, I didn’t think that I would be able to do it.”
“Well, it’s settled then.” “What is?”
“I’m flying to the city tomorrow and then you and I are going to drive back to my house.”
I sighed. “Haley, you don’t have to do that. I have work that I need to do
and that throws off your life too.”
“Now is not the time for you to be alone,” she said, her tone firm. “I should know more than anyone else. I did it largely on my own and it was hell. You want people by your side.”
“I have work.”
“You can do your work remotely. We both know that you can. Either way, I have connections with your bosses. I can demand a few days off on your behalf.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine.” She sighed. I could hear Trinity talking in the background. “You’re going to come stay with me for awhile and we’re going to have a good time. Pack your things. I’ll be there before lunch tomorrow.”
Haley hung up before I could keep arguing with her. I laughed and shook my head, putting my phone to the side.
Even though I told her that I was fine on my own, I knew it would be easier if I had her to help me. I needed a distraction from all the shit that I was dealing with.
Though I needed to pack up my belongings, I was in the mood to go for a walk first. It was surprisingly warm out and the sun was still shining, even though it was getting later in the evening.
When I got outside, I looked around. I was familiar with the area and there was a park not too far away. It would be a good place to wander around and try to clear my mind.
As I walked down the street, I watched as parents played with their children in their front yards. The kids were laughing while the parents chased them around or threw a ball around together.
There were people playing in the park when I got there. Several kids were
playing baseball and even more people were walking along the paths that weaved through the park. My hand ran absentmindedly up and down my stomach as I watched the children playing at the park.
Some day, those were going to be my children running around and laughing. I was going to be one of the parents at the bottom of the slide, waiting to catch their child when they came flying out.
“Well, I didn’t think I would see you in this part of the city.”
I turned around at the familiar voice and was face-to-face with my mother.
As I studied her, looking for the signs of a high, she rolled her eyes. “I’m clean. It’s only been a week though.”
Her gaze darted down to my stomach. A strange look passed over her face that I couldn’t quite decipher. She shook her head and gave me a small smile.
“You’re going to be a better mother than I ever was.”
“I hope so,” I said. I looked at her again. She looked more alert than I had seen her in a long time. “I’m having twins. Both girls.”
Mama’s smile grew slightly. “That’s good news, I hope.”
“If you stay clean, I’d like to try and fix our relationship,” I said, not quite sure of my words. “I think your granddaughters might want to know you, but I need you to be clean and stay clean before that happens.”
She bit her bottom lip. “I’m going to meetings every day.” “Good. If you need anything, you still have my number, right?” Mom nodded. “Yes.”
“Good. I have to go home and pack. I’ll be leaving the city for a little bit but if you need anything, call me.”
Each step I took away from her made me feel a tiny bit better. I didn’t know if she was going to be able to stay clean, but worrying about her relationship with my children was now one less thing I had to deal with.
I had set the terms; it was up to her to follow them.
After taking another loop around the park, I made my way back to the hotel. There were only a few hours to pack my things before bed.
Thinking about getting away from the city and spending time with Haley was improving my mood by the second. Leaving the stress behind was exactly what I needed to do.
The drive to Haley’s house was a long one. We took turns driving, stopping every thirty minutes or so when one of my daughters decided to kick my bladder. By the time we finally got to her house, the sun had set and the pizzas we picked up on the way were getting cold.
As soon as we entered her house, I heard the slap of little feet on the hardwood floors. A few seconds later, Trinity came flying around the corner with her arms spread wide.
I crouched down and pulled her into a hug, laughing as she started rambling a mile a minute. Trinity laughed as Tyson came around the corner and picked her up, tossing her over his shoulder.
“Why don’t we have dinner before we talk Aunt Camille’s ear off?” he said, carrying his daughter into the kitchen and setting her down on one of the stools.
Haley followed him with the boxes of pizza in her arms. He grinned and kissed her quickly before looking over at me.
“Your bags still out in the car?” he asked as I kicked off my shoes.
“Yeah. I can get them later though.”
Tyson rolled his eyes and passed me on his way to the door. “I’ll bring them in and put them in one of the guest rooms for you. All you need to do is relax and have some pizza.”
I didn’t bother to argue with him. There wouldn’t be a point. Tyson was going to do what he wanted, and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“Pizza for you,” Trinity said as I took a seat beside her at the island. She pushed a paper plate toward me with a slice of pizza on it.
“Thank you, honey,” I said. I dug into my food as Trinity told Haley about her day.
I grinned as I watched them go back and forth, telling each other about their days. Before I knew it, I was going to be standing in my kitchen and talking to my own daughters.
“Alright,” Haley said once Trinity had finished her pizza. “Why don’t you go pick a movie while I talk to Aunt Camille for a minute?”
Trinity jumped down from her stool and raced into the living room. I laughed as she grabbed the tablet and started scrolling. Haley rolled her eyes and gathered the used plates, tossing them into the garbage.
“The worst thing Tyson did was get her a tablet of her own for her shows and movies.” Haley smiled slightly and shook her head. “How are you feeling?”
“I don’t know if running away from my problems was the right choice, but for the first time in weeks, I don’t feel like everything is going to start crumbling down around me.”
“I was terrified to have a baby on my own,” Haley said, her smile softening as she looked over at Trinity. “Hell, even now I’m still scared that
I’m going to screw up being a parent. The fear never goes away. You just learn to live with it.”
“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to just live with it. I don’t want to have a relationship with my daughters that’s anything like the relationship I have with my mother.”
Haley shrugged. “You can’t spend time worrying about that now. Your relationship with them is going to be what you make of it. You have the rest of your life to figure that out.”
“My mom might be coming back into my life. To be honest, I don’t know what I was doing when I told her that she could see the girls if she got clean and stayed clean.”
Haley’s eyebrows raised. “That’s your business and I hope that it works out for you. The most important thing that you can do for you and your girls is to protect your peace. As long as you feel at peace with the decision, then you’re making the right one.”
“How are you so confident about parenting even with having no clue what you’re doing?”
Haley laughed and shrugged. “I make it up as I go along. There’s nothing that says that I can’t change my mind or do things differently if they don’t work.”
“You’re right.”
“Now,” Haley said as she looped her arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go watch a movie.”
As Haley helped Trinity put the movie on, I settled down in the corner of their massive sectional. Tyson reappeared after disappearing somewhere else in the house with my bags. Pillows and blankets spilled over his arms. Trinity squealed as he dropped them onto the couch.
“You girls have a good night. I’m going to be in my office working,” Tyson said. He kissed Haley and ruffled Trinity’s hair before taking off.
Trinity settled herself against my side, draping a blanket over both of us. Haley sat down on her other side, burying herself in blankets and pillows. Tyson popped back in the room long enough to turn off the lights before taking off again.
As I watched Haley and Trinity cuddle together while the movie played, I knew that the best days of my life were yet to come.