betrayed

Vincenzo Moreno

Luigi's chant of victory shot out, joining the glaringly red 'defeat' icon to mock me. All I did was wish the game ended.

"I'm really beating your ass tonight," he chirped, the glee evident in his voice.

"You sure are." I wondered if he heard the disinterest in my voice; then again, I didn't care.

"Yo. You okay?"

Instead of replying, I went for the next round. Was I okay? Did I look like I was okay when not only Rina had rejected me, but also her mom barging in on us. Looking at me like I didn't deserve one tiny breath of air.

The sad thought lingered in my mind for a while; pretty soon, I found myself focused on the combat game and began gaining control over Luigi. My avatar tossed his around like a plaything.

I gamed until the thought reemerged. Rina's outright rejection. Rina pushing me away. The thought pierced my heart and broke it. Made me feel like a discarded pile of nobody.

It didn't matter that I had apologized. None of that bothered her. Yet, nothing hurt me more than her accusation. The nerve she'd got to dispute my capability to love.

"And bullseye. Right in your face," Luigi guffawed. He’d won. For the record, his sixth win wasn't punctuated by any defeat.

I couldn't explain the sudden urge to quit playing. Perhaps, I didn't have to wonder much because it had been doomed to fail right from the very start. I'd been in a bad mood, a terribly bad mood rummaging through the day's events when Luigi phoned, suggesting we played Squad 59. That sounded good to me. I could make use of some company other than thoughts about Rina. Turned out I'd been a sorry clown.

"Enzo?"

"What?"

"Are you sure you're okay? Been acting off."

Again, no reply from my side, which made me look childish. I ground my teeth in irritation.

"Any latest development on—"

"This isn't about the airport," I cut in rather rudely. In my defense, I hadn't a choice. The boys had been so sympathetic ever since it happened, and I was starting to get pissed. It wasn't like I hated such a sentiment; just that… I couldn't say. I was irritable these days. Rina was driving me crazy.

"It's not about the airport. Luigi," I added, for some reason wanting to sound less harsh. My fingers stirred my avatar; but my attention was in a different realm. Desolate, bleak and gray. I should have known interacting with the dark sucked out any atom of sunshine you might have had left in your heart. This was what happened to me as I scrolled to the top of my tablet to make an exit. I went off, not even saying goodbye to Luigi.

As I pushed the gadget aside, I battled with my emotions. I didn't understand why Rina proved difficult. Worse of all, there didn't seem to be a way out of this mental chaos. What could I do?

I'd considered using brute force, exerting my full dominance in Rina like the old times, but that could backfire. Yes, as I'd said, this idea had come to me. I had even assured myself this was a foolproof solution since Rina was my maid; yet, I always saw myself hesitating. To be frank, I missed the old Rina. The girl who was submissive, doing all my heart desires even if it didn't suit her.

I stationed myself in the lounge, swirling a glass of liquor. Sleep eluded me. Right now, nothing apart from alcohol could give me peace. Even if it was fleeting. The order of the day was: nursing a broken heart, burning my dry, hollow throat with gulps of liquor, and squeezing my eyes shut in physical and emotional pain. Until a ring sounded.

I ignored it, nowhere in the mood for a conversation. But the damn intercom continued blaring.

I barged into my room, picked the call to unleash my frustration on the pathetic interrupter, and got Madre's flat voice, "I want to see you."

She sounded deader than usual. And for the next few minutes, that was all I thought about. Did it have anything to do with the airport?

Shattered beyond words, I laughed. I had no words. No words at all if my fears were true. There was no imagining the result of that misfortune.

I carried myself out, initially thinking of brushing out the stench of alcohol, but then, couldn't care less anymore. I wasn't Madre's chicken. Not anymore.

I walked down to the hallway leading to Madre's room. Everything was going well until Rina's scent slithered across. I paused, attempting to go after her; but got a grip on myself. I wouldn't run after her. At least, not now.

Fighting off the urge, I continued my steps. However, the closer I got to Madre's, the stronger the scent became.

Puzzled, I came to a stop, picking Rina's breathing and the heartbeat now connected with mine. Yet I found it hard to believe that Rina could do this to me.

Betray me. Kick me hard in the gut even though I'd come clean. Scrunch up my heart, a soulless smile on her face?

Wishing desperately that I was overthinking, I continued walking. What killed my movement was Madre's voice. It had the same deadness as that which had come from the intercom.

"When did he send this?"

"This evening." Rina's mom. What was Rina's mom doing in her room?

"He sent it directly," Madre said, or asked. I wasn't sure which it was. "Right after you saw him in your room." I wasn't even offered the opportunity to go pale because Madre went on soon after, " Doing what?"

I'd always been adverse to silence. The state of quietude was triggering, almost like existence had been completely erased.

I hated silence because it reminded me of hopelessness. And now, my hatred was justified. The silence here was petrifying.

"Kissing me." Rina finally did it. She crushed me.