Chapter 35 What have I done?
>>Mael
I entered the house in the forest and frantically looked around for my mom. I knew she must be doing her own things so I went around to look for her. She wasn’t in the lounge or her room but the clattering from the kitchen made me run there.
“Mom!!” I popped my head into the kitchen where she stood making herself a sandwich on the shelf. She hadn’t noticed me yet, so I walked up to her and tapped her shoulder.
My action frightened her, she jumped when I touched her and shot her head at me but the moment she saw it was me she calmed down.
She let out a sigh of relief as she placed a hand on her chest.
I didn’t see Nolan anywhere, so I’m guessing he probably went back to report to dad or do some groceries for mom. Otherwise, he’s always here. Great timing I guess, I might just go back without anyone noticing.
Now that mom was directly in front of me, I couldn’t control myself. I pushed myself into her and wrapped my arms around her which immediately resulted in me bawling my eyes out.
Her soft lavender scent made me ease into her and I cried like a baby. I had so much in my heart, I couldn’t hold back. I wanted to tell her many things and talk to her and get her advice and her encouragement but I didn’t get to do anything at all.
I didn’t even get to cry properly because just a few seconds in and something worse wrapped my mind.
“What are you doing?” A cold sharp voice that I knew all too well came from behind me, alarming me.
Fear.
My heart skipped a beat and I stood up straight and shot my body in the other direction, and there stood my stepmother, in the doorframe of the kitchen.
“H-how?” That was the only word that came out of my mouth when I saw her angry face looking right back at us.
Rachel was never told where my mother lived. Just hearing about my mom would make her livid, so we all kept it to ourselves. But here she stood, right in front of us, now she knew exactly where mom was and the sight of my biological mother was making my stepmother go irate.
How did this happen?
My mom grabbed my shoulders in defense, even she knew this situation was bad but how did Rachel get here?
“I followed you,” Mother spoke, “I came to take you to a doctor.” My heartbeat began to speed up, “Then I saw you run out so I followed you.”
It was sort of funny at this point. I must be a very stupid person, why else would everything go wrong around me? Everything, every single thing, just keeps going wrong.
“I was worried,” Rachel took a step toward us, her anger rising by the second, and we both stepped back, “Why would you do this to me?” She asked with tears brimming inside her eyes. She was hurt and looking at her made me hurt.
“I-” I didn’t have an answer.
“You promised to be my son.” She took another step towards her and we stepped further back.
“I am your son!” I replied as I put a hand on my mom in defense, “This-” I glanced at my mom. She was terrified, “This is-” I gulped and looked back at Rachel.
I was scared, but ashamed as well for getting caught.
“You always come to meet her don’t you?” A tear slipped down her cheek as she gritted her teeth. Then she bore her fangs, “You never accepted me as your mother.” She shook her head at me making me feel like a sinner that I am.
“Mother,” I raised my hands up as I noticed she was getting ready to shift, “Wait.” I begged her, “Please,”
“No,” She shook her head, “You already took enough from me.”.
More than the fact that dad slept with my mom. Rachel was mad because of me. Because I had my mom when she lost Mael. There should be an equal exchange. Because the real Mael was dead and I took his place. My real mom should be dead too, so Rachel could really be my mom.
Really, just how bad can things get? How am I supposed to deal with this? I just came here for a little while, just to get my emotions straight a little, just to find a little solace so that I could keep moving but I’ve fallen deeper into problems.
“Please don’t do this,” I begged.
“You shouldn’t have touched my Mael then,” Tears rolled down her cheeks and I pursed my lips as I couldn’t stop mine either. After all, I can’t apologize for what I’ve done. My words mean nothing, “You shouldn’t have betrayed me over and over again then.” She began to shift and my emotions got messier.
Fuck!
I looked around to grab something for defense and my eyes landed on the knife mom was using. I immediately grabbed that but Rachel didn’t waste any time lunging towards us. Her target wasn’t me but my mom.
And I knew she wouldn’t hurt me since I was her son but I also knew she would kill my mom and I just couldn’t let it happen.
So when she jumped towards us, I couldn’t help but raise the knife.
The light had broken, it shattered during the fight and now it was dark in the kitchen. My mothers were on the floor and I sat on the wooden ground pacing backward and forward with the bloody knife in my hands.
What have I done?
What have I done?
What have I done?
I was losing my mind.
What have I done?!
What have I done?!
What have I done?!
The sound of the clock ticking was the only thing I could hear, the regular symmetric sound encouraged my mind to fall deeper into despair.
I’ve done it again.
I’ve done it again..
I’ve done it again…
As my consciousness was falling further into darkness the only thing that snapped me back was the sound of my phone ringing. As it rang, it made me flinch, then pause and it allowed me to collect myself a little.
>>Eli
Something kept tugging at me. It started suddenly, a sting in my body and an impending sense of doom. It was like something stabbed my heart but there was no damage to me, not physically.
But my wolf was uneasy. He kept jumping around in unease and if my wolf was this uneasy, it could only be related to Mael. He was constantly growling, urging me to do something.
But Mael chose to walk away from me. He wanted the distance, so I shouldn’t bother him right?
My wolf howled in anger, it was jumping around, whining, and begging me to go to Mael or at least contact him.
I sighed and looked out the window of the lounge. The moon was up in the sky now and it had gotten dark.
The perturbation inside me had started to destroy my mind. It wouldn’t even let me sit down or think about anything else.
Maybe I can try calling?
I took out my phone and dialed his number. It rang for a while and I tapped my foot on the floor in anxiousness as I stood by the window looking out.
Each ring made me more nervous.
I wonder if he’s not picking up because he doesn’t want to talk.
I pursed my lips and waited as the line tried to connect.
Waiting for him to pick up made me shake my leg like crazy and just when I decided to give up and end the call, it connected.
!!!
I stood up straight, “Hello, Mael?” I called his name as soon as he picked up but he didn’t answer me, “Mael?” I frowned because I got no response but I knew he was on the other side since I could hear his breathing, “Mael?” The feeling of apprehension got worse, “Hey…” My wolf growled in my mind. He was nervous and wanted to hear his voice, “Hey, talk to me.”
“...” I waited for a response, “Eli…” A faint whisper came to me and before I knew it, I turned around and left the room to go outside even though I had no idea where he was.
“Yea!” I replied, “I’m here.” I assured him, “Where are you?” I knew something was wrong, “Tell me, I’ll come to you.” I ran out of the building towards the main gate of the academy.
“...”
“Mael, just one word,” I said calmly to him, “Tell me where you are.” I felt helpless even though I was running. I knew the discomfort inside me wouldn’t go away till I was near him and had made sure he was alright.
“Forest house…” He answered in a feeble voice.
“I’ll come to you.” I ended the call and ran to the forest.
As soon as I entered the woods, I took off my clothes and shifted to run at maximum speed, only grabbing my pants in my mouth since I was in a hurry.
I knew which way to go since I had been to the house in the forest before and I darted all the way there till the house came back into view. That’s when I shifted back, frantically put my pants back on, and started running towards the house when I noticed a figure standing near the house.
A person, with short hair, was still in uniform but his white shirt and pale skin were tainted with red.
“Mael!” I ran to him as he quietly stood in his place with his eyes on me. Seeing him made me and my wolf feel better and I pulled him into a hug as soon as I reached him, “Oh God…” I felt his warmth against mine but he didn’t move at all. On the contrary, he was awfully stiff and quiet, so I pulled us apart and looked at his face.
He had a blank expression on, with his eyes wide open as if he had seen something horrible.
“Hey,” I bent down a little to get a closer look at him since the forest was dark now, “What’s wrong?”
The moment our eyes met, his expression changed. Tears brimmed out of his eyes and he began to cry. It was as if I triggered something inside him and his emotions came pouring out.
“Hey! Hey!” I cupped his cheeks, “It’s alright.” I pulled him into another hug, “It’s okay,” I patted his back but a few seconds in he pushed against my chest and created some space between us.
“No!” He shook his head at me, “No!” Seeing him so hurt made my heart shatter. He was pale, paler than this morning and I could sense that he was in a disarray.
“What?” I said, “I’m here, everything’s fine.” I wiped his tears away but his cheeks kept getting wet.
“No!” His voice was breaking, “It’s not!” I could see his pupils shaking, “What have I done?” I could see that he was beyond terrified and now that my eyes had adjusted properly, I saw the blood stains on him more clearly.
What in the…? I shook my head.
“It’s okay,” I reassured him, “I’ll take care of it. Whatever it is, I’ll help you.”
His hands, tainted with blood, were shaking violently. They slowly reached up and touched mine that were on his cheeks.
“Eli…” He seemed to be losing it, “What do I do?” His body was trembling, “It’s the second time I’ve killed someone.” His confession made me pause.
….
“What?”
Tears kept running down his cheeks, “I,” He looked like he was going insane. The fear was eating him away, “I killed someone again.”