Chapter 34 Runaway
>>Mael
My first instincts and feelings were fear. I had no idea what to think or how to process the information he had presented me with. It was too hard to swallow, especially because I’ve always been careful.
“W-what…?” I shook my head at him as my body began to tremble, “No,” I kept shaking my head, “That’s not possible.” I froze, “I mean, that’s not true. I, I’m-”
“Because you’ve been careful?” He replied, “Because you’ve guarded the truth with your life you didn’t think anyone would have found out?” He looked at me pitifully, “Doesn’t change the fact that I know.” The room was dimly lit and the curtains were drawn but there was enough light to see each other properly.
“That’s not possible!” My voice trembled, “How? Since when!?” I was scared.
“From the start,” He said, “From the day you entered the Alma household.” I felt my whole reality collapse. It was the feeling of doom that always loomed over me that now came and crashed on my head.
“How…” I asked him the question but I wasn’t ready for the answer.
“Because I knew the real Mael.” He answered softly and my eyes went wide, “It was easy to fool the public since no one knew his face, right? After all, he was away from the public eye for more than four years,” I felt my stomach churn, “But I knew him, I visited him secretly a lot.” His voice was calm, “No one knew that I visited him though, it was a secret between him and me.” He paused, “I would climb into his room through the window and spend about twenty minutes with him before going back so no one would find out.”
OH NO….
My pupils began to shake and my throat felt extremely dry. My heart trembled in fear and I felt like a sinner all over again. I felt my eyes sting but I didn’t want to cry.
“He was your friend…?” I started feeling nauseating.
“Yea, a good one.” He answered and dread started creeping up on me, it crawled on my back and rubbed around my chest, making me feel small. I started feeling guilty all over again. I felt suffocated and it felt like it was becoming difficult to breathe.
“Were you there?” My body began to shake more, “The day he died?” I never knew. I had no idea Eli knew the real Mael. And this newfound fact scared me, it terrified me. Especially because my history with the real Mael was dark. It was the darkest secret I had.
“No,” He replied and while it made me feel a little relieved my condition only got worse, “He told me not to visit for a while.” My breathing got so ragged, I started hyperventilating,
What would happen if Eli knew the truth? “And a few days later he was gon- Hey!!” He saw my condition, “Mael!” He tried to reach for me but I swatted his hand away.
“Don’t touch me.” I had my eyes wide open and it was hard to catch my breath. Will Eli hate me? I don’t want that… What is wrong with me? Why am I even thinking about that?!
“But-” Eli was fretting over me, “I-”
“Hey!” There was another voice, “I’m back with the food.” It was Calix’s voice. He had entered our dorm space, “I brought the porridge you asked me to.” He was coming closer, “Thanks for lending me your key-” He came into view since the bedroom door was now open.
And as soon as I saw Calix, I felt relief wash over me. He had a plastic shopper in his hand and the moment I saw him, I jumped out of bed and ran up to him. I wasn’t in my right mind and wasn’t even thinking straight but if there was one thing that I was sure of, I just wanted to be away from Eli. So I ran to Calix and hugged him.
“Mael?” He got confused and I saw Eli stand up, his hand subtly reaching out to me but he stopped himself. Then withdrew his hand and sat back down on the bed.
I was so overwhelmed with all that information, I needed some air. I needed some space. There was too much for me to handle.
Calix quietly observed the situation and then held my hand, “Let’s go.” He took me out of there quietly. I didn’t spare Eli a glance, I couldn’t afford to but he didn’t call out to me either.
Everything just felt like it was going downhill but it’s funny that at that moment, I had no idea how it was going to get worse.
Calix took me outside. We sat in the Academy courtyard on the bench and I was able to breathe. I still can’t believe it though, all these years and Eli knew?
He never made it obvious, if he knew wouldn’t he have accidentally let it slip at some point, right? But he never made that mistake.
I gulped.
I was still feeling nauseated. I was hurting. I placed my hand on my chest which kept feeling queasy and tight.
“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Calix asked.
“...” I didn’t have an answer for him, so I just rested my head on his shoulder.
“You can talk to me.” He spoke softly and it made me feel a little better but I couldn’t talk to him. I didn’t know how to sort out these feelings, so what can I say to him?
“I just need some rest,” I whispered,
“Why did you both fight.” He asked, “The whole floor heard you screaming.”
….
“It’s between us…” I closed my eyes.
“Did he do something to you?”
“...” I wonder, can I blame it all on Eli? If he really knew all along then there are many places he’s really helped me out. I’d take the public bath on the trip as an example. It felt like he threw me out of annoyance but if I look at it now, he did help me there, without making it obvious…
Was he angry because I went in even though I’m a girl?
“No,” I replied, “We just had a disagreement.”
“All that yelling seemed to tell a bit more.”
“We ended up in some trouble.” I said, “But I started it,” I sighed, “There’s just so much on my mind these days…”
“Then why won’t you ask for help?” I felt his hand on mine, “When you’re so troubled, why won’t you rely on anyone?”
Because I’m afraid.
I’m so scared. I threw myself into this situation. It was all my fault. How can I look for help when I’ve done something so bad? Living my life as Mael is me living my punishment.
I placed my hand on my head since it started throbbing.
I miss mom right now.
Mom’s the only other person who knows what I’ve done. I thought Mael had no friends but Eli knew him. I wonder how he’ll react if he finds out the truth?
I never got along with Eli but for some reason, I don’t want him to hate me. I don’t want that even though I got in trouble because of him!
My head began to hurt like crazy. The momentary peace I found evaporated like smoke and I felt perturbed. My thought began to jumble up and I felt like I wanted to cry again.
How did it turn out like this? How did I end up in this position? Why is everything just getting more difficult?
Why do I feel so cornered?
I sat up straight and looked at the sky, the sun was starting to turn orange and it was going to be evening soon. The nature around us was quiet and it felt like everything was dead.
“Mael?” Calix held my wrist, “What’s wrong?”
I looked back at him. I wish I could tell him what was wrong but I need someone I can actually speak to right now. That’s my mom. I just need to see her. Maybe looking at her will give me the strength to go on and face things again.
“Oh no,” I smiled at him, “I’m just going to go home.” I moved away, slipping my wrist out of his hand, “I’ll be back by midnight.”
I didn’t wait for him to say anything more, I just started running toward the gate. I wanted to be away from everything. Just a few hours would do
>>Rachel
I felt bad. I beat him up a bit too much.
I’ll go pick him up from the academy and take him to Bryan to see his injuries. I was already on my way and was going to reach the Academy soon.
Although, him getting all chummy with that boy isn’t a good thing. It’s unforgivable. She’s my son now. She can’t go acting like a girl anymore. This is the path she chose for herself. Did she forget that she’s a man or does that boy know her secret?
It can’t be. I doubt that Mael is brave enough to tell her secret to anyone.
The car stopped at a distance from the academy gate and I got out of the car to walk to the gate when I saw Mael.
I saw him running out of the academy, in the direction of the forest.
Hmmm?
Just where is he going? Isn’t he hurt? How can he run like that then?
I should go after him.