Chapter 142 142
I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes when I heard the door open. I gripped the comforter tighter. I forced myself to calm my breathing and pretend to be asleep. I felt the bed sink slightly as Luca got on it. He lay down next to me, but I could feel he was a little far from me. My grip on the blanket tightened and my eyes squeezed shut.
I don't remember how long I pretended to be asleep. I was just trying to feel for Luca, waiting for him to fall asleep. I wouldn't be comfortable as long as I knew he was awake next to me.
I waited a little longer. I turned to look at him, then hugged myself more tightly. I don't know if it was because the air conditioning in his room was too strong, or if I was just really cold.
My body feels cold, my heart as well. I'm so cold that it feels like I can't stand to be here anymore. I want to go somewhere warm. I'm cold.
I bit my lower lip when I felt my vision blurring. I touched my cheek and was stunned when I realized I was already crying. My heart feels heavy too. Why am I crying? Is it because I feel cold?
I looked at Luca again, who had his back to me. I slowly got up and walked toward the door. I was about to open it, but I stopped and flinched when I heard Luca speak.
"Where do you think you're going?"
Luca gripped my arm and made me face him. I tried my best not to look at him because of the tears continuously flowing down my cheeks, but Luca pulled me closer to him. I accidentally looked up at him.
Luca seemed to stop when he looked into my tearful eyes. "Why the hell are you crying?"
I bit my lower lip to suppress my sobs, but it didn't help at all. "I-I want to go home... It's really cold here. P-Please, let me go home," I said, crying, then hugged myself.
He seemed to be doused with cold water as he looked at me. He couldn't move immediately and just kept staring at me. I couldn't read what he was thinking at that moment. I just looked away from him and hugged myself more tightly.
"I-I want to go somewhere warm... I-It's so cold here, I-I can't stand the coldness... I really wanna go home," I pleaded while continuously crying. I don't even know why I'm crying.
Luca didn't say anything. He loosened his grip on my arm and pulled me into a tight hug. I let out a soft sob and desperately hugged him back to feel his warmth. Luca sighed; he remained silent and hugged me tighter. I didn't say anything either. I continued to sob because I couldn't stop it. I felt Luca's hand on my hair; he wasn't stroking it, but I don't know why it made me feel a little better.
"Are you still cold?" Luca asked, his voice softened.
I bit my lower lip and nodded.
Luca pulled away from me slightly. I looked at him in confusion when he held my cheeks and gently wiped the tears from them. But what surprised me even more was when he deeply kissed my lips. His kiss was gentle, as if he was stroking my lips with his. I just closed my eyes as I slowly felt the coldness that had enveloped my system gradually disappearing.
Luca looked at me after his soft and gentle kiss. He gave me a soft kiss on my cheek, then carried me. My arms moved on their own to cling to his nape. He gently laid me on the bed and covered me with the blanket. After that, he went to the air conditioner and took a small remote, and I think he turned it down.
He came back to my side and lay down. I just blinked when he pulled me closer and used his tough arm as my pillow. I didn't object and just gripped the comforter tightly.
Luca didn't say anything after that. I looked at him. He's just staring at the ceiling with an unreadable emotion in his eyes. I'm dying to know what he's thinking right now.
My eyes went down to his nipple. It seems like my hand moved on its own. I touched his nipple and gently pinched it. Luca gasped and looked at me. He gave me a sharp look.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Annoyed, he removed my hand from his chest.
"I-I'm sorry..." I mumbled and bit my lower lip.
Luca stared at me. He sighed and took my hand and put it on his chest. "Fine... Touch it, just for tonight," he mumbled and stared at the ceiling again.
I bit the insides of my cheeks and nodded. "T-Thank you."
Luca didn't say anything else and just closed his eyes. I looked at his nipple again and gently touched it with the tip of my index finger. I looked at Luca; he didn't react.
"Luca..."
"Hmm?"
"You're not really a bad guy, right?" I asked and gently touched his chin with my fingers.
"Don't get your hopes high... I just got annoyed with your crying," he said gruffly, still with his eyes closed.
I bit my lower lip and touched his nipple again. "You're not a bad person in my eyes..." I touched his cheek. "Please look at me."
Luca slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. "Hmm?"
"It's much warmer now," I whispered, then pressed my nose against his cheek and closed my eyes.
Luca was clearly taken aback by what I did. "Don't let your guard down just because I showed a little warmth... I'm an asshole," he mumbled, but I felt his hand on my arm, gently caressing it. It feels like his hand moved on its own. It seemed Luca didn't even notice what he did. "I'm just using you, I will get rid of you once I don't need you anymo--"
I kissed his lips gently. It was just a gentle peck that our lips almost didn't touch. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He seemed bewildered by what I was doing; even I was surprised by my actions and it felt like my body was moving on its own.
"You can use me. I'm allowing you to use me... Until you don't want to anymore," I whispered softly, staring at him. I don't know why it felt so heavy to say those words, but I kept saying them.
"What the hell are you saying, Crescent? Have you gone crazy?"
I smiled at him and gently caressed his face. "The condition is, I want the old Luca back, the Luca I first met... even if you're just pretending, it's okay with me. Even if I have to live here until you need me, that's okay too," I added.
Luca was speechless; he seemed unable to believe what I was saying. I just smiled and gave his cheek a kiss, then hugged him even tighter.
"When you don't want me anymore, w-when you don't need me anymore... I'll leave on my own. You won't have a hard time driving me away," I whispered. "You can use me all you want... I-I don't mind. Until you're okay, until you don't need me anymore... I-I will just stay here. You won't have a hard time with me," I added.
"W-Why the hell are you saying that? Are you fucking stupid?" Luca asked harshly.
I smiled bitterly at him and nodded. "Yes... I'm really stupid, Luca." I gently caressed his face. "I'll only say this to you once, but please don't bring this up tomorrow."
Luca looked at me in confusion. "W-What is it?"
"When I answered your question earlier, when I told you that I don't like you... that was a lie." I bit my lower lip
before continuing. "The truth is... I like you, Luca. I like you so much."