Chapter 37

Laura Brando narrating:

"What? What are you saying, Aron? Stop lying to me... if you don't want me in your life anymore, that's fine... send me away, tell me that it was really you who couldn't love me, but don't lie to me, don't tell me that... you killed my father..." I cursed incredulously.

My words came out in stutters and tears, I knew that Aron was a man fully capable of killing Michael, but deep down, I couldn't believe it, believe what he was telling me, it tortured me, I searched in an unconscious way, I looked into his eyes, his tears came out with the truth of what he was telling me, it broke me in a way that made me wonder if there was anything left inside me that could be broken.

"Your father owed me a large sum of money, I was just a cold, dark man consumed by the pain of losing my father, there was nothing inside me Laura that could be fixed, my priorities were business. I just wanted my money. Then his father arrived, accompanied by Anastasia and a suitcase, Michael took something out of it, I was so distressed that I just shot, I imagined that he would shoot first, that what he had taken was a gun, I feared for my life so much, without realizing that I was already dead inside, that I shot at him. I killed Michael, then I saw the suitcase of money lying next to his body and Anastasia crying saying what she had done to get that dirty money. I feel as if my heart stops beating every time I remember your father's eyes that night, I die together every time I remember what I did."

"No... that's a lie Aron... it can't be my father's killer. It can't have been you."

The pain inside me was so great that I punched the car we were leaning against, not even that view with the lights below was able to bring me any peace, deep down I hated knowing that I had killed my father, I hated even more feeling that I loved him. As if I'd discovered at that moment, the moment I needed to rip him out of my heart, that I couldn't hate him.

"When did you see me?" I asked after a short silence.

"After your father died, I didn't even know you existed, I realized what I'd done, I'd killed a family man who only had problems with gambling and decided to choose the wrong man to do his duty. In his pocket was a photo of you, I needed to make amends, to try to help you. I went to Anastasia to offer help, to ask for forgiveness, to return the money she had left... I saw you next to Michael's coffin at the funeral with your eyes sunk in sadness... I was consumed at that very moment by an extreme hatred of myself, a hatred that led me to know hell, so painful that the darkness took up residence in me in a black way... because I knew I could never love you." Aron pulled the truths out of himself, tearing them away as they tore him apart.

"So you decided to get my mother hooked on drugs?"

"Anastasia came to me, punching my chest, with such a consuming pain inside her, I didn't know how to help her, I had brought this on myself, I didn't know what words of comfort I could say to her, I had never heard one in my entire life. So I simply offered her the way I'd always been shown to cure pain: medicines, drugs. I needed to get rid of the feeling that you had given me, I needed to go back to being a mafioso who only thought about business. But it was insane the way your eyes brought an avalanche of possibilities inside me."

"What do you mean by avalanche of possibilities, Aron? Tell me once and for all for God's sake, stop torturing me and tell me, I can't stand being destroyed by you any longer..." I screamed as my knees hit the floor, unable even to stand.

"At the same time I wanted to be a rude mobster who was just creating another victim to kill the love that had been born inside him, to end it once and for all and walk away, but I couldn't, I couldn't just walk away... I did want to be your hero as you shouted and threw in my face. But I also wanted to be your insane love, I just didn't know how, so I kept selling to Anastasia to see you. I imagined that your father was the man who protected you, but now there would be no one to do it, I wanted to protect you."

"Every sentence you say is about protecting me, loving me, but you've stabbed me so many times that I've lost count of how much you've made me bleed... then you gave up, and simply made Edgar put you in rehab?"

"No... I saw the way you were suffering. One night I broke into your house, my plan was simply to put an end to it because I couldn't stand standing under that bedroom window wishing for you anymore Laura, but you started having a nightmare, it made me stop my rage. I spent the whole night next to you, next to the bed calming you down, every time your whispers were heavy enough."

"Wait... you made Edgar spend his nights lying next to me while during the day he ran his hands all over my best friend's body? Who's to say you didn't also pay Deborah to stay with him? Just to be my foundation in that bar.

"No Laura, it wasn't... I just wanted Edgar to be able to love you. Magno had told me he was a good man, I really believed that. I decided that Edgar would come your way after that night, when I saw how naïve you were and the pain he had caused you."

"Why did you kidnap me then if you knew I could never love my father's murderer? Just to create that love inside me to destroy me again, Aron?"

"I couldn't let you marry Edgar while he lied to you, while he cheated on you, I needed to find out what real love is, what it's like to be loved. And I felt I could when my chest burned like hot coals when my hands touched you."

"Did you think you could do that, that you could show me love after making me live a life of lies? Were you frustrated with Edgar for lying to me when it was you who put him in my way? You're my father's murderer, you wanted to show me what real love is if you don't even love Aron. I thought I could be your light, but you've extinguished even the light that inhabited me."

"Laura, please forgive me... you showed me what love is, you healed me, you made me a man again..."

"I can't be anyone's cure, least of all yours, Aron."

"Your clothes are in the trunk of the car. Go on Laura, I'm not going to make you stare at the despicable man I am. But I can't destroy you ... that day in Warsaw, Jason took you to hand you over to the head of the German mafia, that's why that guy punched him so hard in the face, he was angry when he found out I went to save you. That's why I sent him to Rome."

I couldn't look at Aron any longer, I couldn't stand in front of him. I grabbed the car keys and got in, seeing him wrecked, his countenance so weak and pale, as if an organ had been ripped out of him. Looking at him through the rearview mirror, I accelerated the car faster and faster to get away, locking the tears in my throat. Desperate even if I didn't know where to go, I just wanted to get away from myself.