Chapter 20

I closed my eyes, as I thought about what Ricardo said, and the idea of him nearly killing a man like Gold felt justified. Ricardo only killed or hurt bad guys, so that was okay? He wasn’t the real monster in this story. The only violence I had been exposed to was my aunt once shouting at my uncle for being late. I was so fucking confused, not only about him, but I had been feeling so hormonal lately.

I sighed as I considered how bad I was smelling. I didn’t notice, or rather didn’t care earlier, but after being scolded by Ricardo, I decided I was in much need of a shower. As I took off my clothes, I started to get the usual cramps I did whenever my period was due; it confirmed what I already suspected, it was due any day now. This why I was feeling emotional, and the sight of seeing a man’s dick nearly beaten off was a sight I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. I shook at the idea of it as I entered the shower, and the hot water started to remove not only the smell, but the fear I had of Ricardo.

I’d been here for nearly a month, apart from my stint in the dungeon. If he wanted to hurt me, he could have done so; the same way he did with Gold. I was curious how he managed to get hold of him so quickly, but then again, there were certain things I didn’t need to know. Sometimes, too much information was dangerous, like the type I’d given to Ricardo which nearly resulted in Gold’s death.

I took the sponge and started to clean my body, no more was my mind thinking about last night. As I realized guilt had me reliving it, Ricardo's words played on my mind. He deserved it.

I shook my head at the idea of it. Ricardo had been barbaric. He could have threatened him and left it; he didn’t have to do what he did. Then again, even threatening him wouldn’t have been enough. Fuck, I didn’t know anything about this world, and I was justifying saying Ricardo should have threatened him as if it was good enough for Gold.

I held my head back, after working every inch of my body, and closed my eyes for a second before turning off the tap and then heading out of the shower. I threw on a dress, tied my hair up, and ran downstairs as if my life depended on it.

I saw a tray in the kitchen. Ricardo must have decided I wanted to eat alone.

I didn’t.

I wanted to talk to him, like he’d suggested earlier, I wanted to understand his world, and parts of the night which were fresh in my mind earlier, started to fade. I knew he would be eating in the sun lounge. I smiled, predicting what his expression would be as soon as he saw me. As I had expected, he was sitting there nibbling on his salad. He looked sad, but as soon as I walked in, he had a smile on his face.

“You came. I thought you would want to be alone.”

I nodded. “I know. You want to talk, and I want to listen.”

He laughed. “You didn’t earlier. You made it clear when you put the flowers in the trash. You know I have a secret to confess. I’ve never bought any woman flowers. It was my first time.”

This time, I was the one laughing as he spoke so softly, and I liked this side of him. The kind that came across as pathetic and weak, with the little things showed a soft side to him.

“Never?”

I slumped down in the chair opposite him.

“Never,” he repeated, and then he reminded me why I was falling for him. Or rather why I’d already fallen for him. He had this gentle side to him, one I was sure no one in his gang got to see. It was a vulnerable side which made me want to take him in my arms and hold him.

“I’ll go to the kitchen and get you something.”

“Lourdes not around?”

He got up, and said, “No. Her husband’s not well so I told her to take her time seeing him. Besides, if truth be known, she doesn’t have to spend as much time here as she’s been doing lately. After all, we spend most of the time in the bedroom.”

“Not tonight.” I waved my finger at him. We were going to talk because I wasn’t willing to sweep everything under the carpet. Not yet, no, I needed to be here with an open mind, and not like some hotshot teenager, who’d been asked to the prom by a guy she had the hots for. There was no denying Ricardo’s charm; his looks and body rocked my boat. So much so even watching him stand up to throw his serviette to the side and wipe his mouth made my nipples get hard. There was no denying there was a strong chemistry between us, but I needed something more. A lot more. Trust. I worried there would come a time when it would be broken.

I had asked him to save Gold, and he had done so. If someone else crossed me, and I asked Ricardo to save them, would he be willing to do it again?

Ricardo smiled, and put my risotto in front of me.

“I could have gotten the tray you left in the kitchen for me.”

He laughed. “Yeah, but then I thought it would be nicer if we ate the same thing.”

He was right; part of the reason I came in here was because I wasn’t in the mood to eat fish. Steam rose from the sea bass, and even though it looked delicious, I thought, not fish again. I made the mistake of telling Lourdes I loved it but hardly ever had the time to prepare it, and she’d seemed to make it her life goal to serve it to me all the time lately.

It was sweet of her, but I was getting a little sick of eating the same thing. Every single fish under the sun.

“Bon appétit.” He smiled as we both sat down ready to eat.

“Bon appétit,” I said as I picked up my serviette at the side of my plate, and put it on my lap, then I started to devour my meal. I hadn’t realized how famished I was until the delicate rice in the savory sauce started to melt in my mouth.

“There’s fresh hot bread. Lourdes made it before she left.”

I nodded, and like him, I dredged it in a little bit of olive oil and started to eat it, too. It didn’t take long for me to start to fill up as Ricardo ate and the only sounds were our forks hitting the plate and our moans as the food entered our mouths.

We both laughed, as we seemed to be eating at the same rhythm, and as quick as our plates were full, they soon became empty. I picked up the last piece of the pan and used it to scoop every part of the salsa on my plate.

“There’s still some in the pot, if you want more?”

I shook my head. Just a few days ago, we had been eating and feeding each other like lovers; now we sat at the same table like distinct relatives.

He folded his arms, and his eyes were dark as he asked, “So, what do you want to know?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose this part of your world didn’t seem real to me. I knew who you were and what you were capable of, but it was one thing knowing it and another being a part of it.”

“You know the time is up tomorrow, and you don’t have to stick around. You could leave.”

I didn’t say anything to his observation. He was right in the thirty days was nearly up, and I was still staying here, maybe because I didn’t have anywhere else to go, but then the other possibility was I didn’t want to leave him because as much as I hated to admit it, I’d fallen head over heels in love with this man. There was nothing he could do to push me away, even beating a man senseless and probably leaving him for dead should have made me want to leave, but it hadn’t.

He broke the silence, seeing as I had nothing to say about being able to leave the house.

“I’m not sure what happened to Vedova Nera. She has done a disappearing act. Maybe she ran off with my money.”

I said, “So, you let her take your money and run. You don’t want to chase her?”

He shook his head. “No. I’m tired. I’ve even started the arrangements for the funeral. I’m going to bury my dad and let sleeping dogs lie. I don’t have the strength for anything at the moment. When you do leave, you’ll leave a wealthy woman. You can do whatever you want with your life. I’ll start the transfer into your account, so you will be rewarded for your time here.”

Rewarded for sticking around and offering to help find the monster which killed his dad, was all he had to say. Disappointment and sadness hit me hard, the distance in his words settling like a stone.

“Right, so if you don’t want anymore, then I’ll clean up?”

“I’ll help you.”

“Sure.”

He shrugged and stood to start clearing up, and I followed suit. We went to the kitchen and no more were we like the lovers who would go to the kitchen, where he’d more than once seduced me on the kitchen table. We’d reverted to the uncomfortable silence that had appeared after he’d put me in the dungeon. We had nothing to talk about. He’d felt justified in his actions, and as much as I hated to admit he’d saved other women from being victims of Gold, I couldn’t forget the smile Ricardo had on his face showing how much he enjoyed inflicting pain on others.

Beneath Ricardo’s exterior, underneath it all, there was a darkness, one I had to figure out. Could I live with forever, or if I should walk out of the door now, before I found myself in a position where I couldn’t leave him, no matter how much deep down I wanted to?