Chapter 44

Andy wasn’t as enthusiastic about the new job as Luke had hoped.He’d been told of it the night he came home to find an almost-naked boyfriend being kissed by his nephew,so his mind had obviously been on other things.

Craig immediately took full responsibility for what happened.He told Andy that he’d been upset at Dennis’actions and had“maybe gone a bit too far”in seeking reassurance.

Later that evening,once Andy and Luke were in bed,Jessica having collected Craig earlier,Luke stuck a couple of pillows behind his back and made Andy—who had been mostly silent since catching Craig and Luke together—talk.

“What Craig told you was true.He was upset at what Dennis had done,that’s all.”

Andy didn’t say anything.

“If you don’t believe that,then…”Luke bit his lip.He didn’t mind admitting he was scared,but they couldn’t ignore any longer the elephant in the room.

Andy closed his eyes momentarily and squeezed Luke’s hand.When he opened his eyes again,Lukealmost gasped at the pain he saw reflected back at him.“I do believe you.I trust you.I even trust Craig,though what he did was,well…”

Luke nodded.“So…why—?”

“Why am I so upset?”

Luke nodded again.

“Because,for one brief moment when I saw you and Craig,I could have gladly strangled the pair of you.”He tightened his grip on Luke’s fingers.It was uncomfortable,but Luke didn’treact.“The fact I could even think such a thing about the two people who mean more to me than anyone else,scares the fucking crap out of me.”

Luke shivered.“But you said it was only for a moment.”

Andy nodded;Luke was thankful that he also loosened his grip.

“Then what did you feel?”

“Guilt.Also that there had to be a logical explanation for what I was seeing.”

Luke hugged him and tried to reassure him that he thought his reactions were perfectly reasonable under the circumstances.

Andy didn’t return the hug.“You don’t understand.The last time I felt as angry as that was in Afghanistan,just after…after the ambush when I shot some of the bastards who had planted the bomb.”

“Oh.”Luke knew he was way out of his depth.

Andy asked Luke if he wanted a mug of hot chocolate.Luke agreed.The few minutes it would take to make the drink would give them both a chance to think.

“If you’re worried about your reaction,”Luke said,accepting his mug,“do you think you should go and see someone?”

Andy nodded.“I think I have to.Because,”he set down his cocoa mug on the bedside table,then took Luke’s and put it next to his.Holding Luke’s face,he continued,“You’re absolutely everything to me.I’d rather cut off my arm than ever hurt you.”

Luke shivered;he knew Andy meant what he’d said.“But don’t forget,you only felt like you did for a second.So you gotta keep it in perspective.I know you wouldn’t hurt me.I could never say the same of Roger.Even though he never laid a hand on me,there was always something in the back of my mind about how I couldn’t fully trust him.I do trust you.”

“How’d I get so lucky?”Andy murmured,kissing Luke gently.

They continued to talk long into the night.Andy wanted Luke to press charges against Dennis.Luke refused.

“It’d be his word against mine.His lawyer and the press would have a field day with me being an ex-porn actor.No,I just want to forget all about it.”

“But he’ll be getting away with it!”

“I know.But at least Craig’s finally seen the light.Those two are over,and no mistake.You should have seen Dennis all bent over when Craig kneed him in the nuts.”

Andy permitted himself a small smile.“Yeah,wish I had.”

Luke then remembered his new job and told Andy all about it.

“A gym,”Andy said,not sounding too enthusiastic.

“Yeah.I’ll just be on reception,though Tony said I could go to a technical college once a week or maybe night school to get a certificate to become a personal trainer.”

“Oh.”

The silence stretched between them for at least a minute.

“Isn’t it good that I’ve found a job?I can’t live off you or my savings forever.”Buying the car had made a real dent in his bank balance.

“No,it’s good.Good that you found something so quickly and that it’s something you like and know something about.”

“But?”Luke knew there had to be more.It probably had something to do with the events of earlier,but he was at a loss to know exactly what.

“It’s just…there’ll be other men there.Probably gay men.Gay men with good bodies.Gyms are cruising joints and…but it’s like you said earlier.I have to trust you.”His expressionsoftened.“I do trust you.Honestly.”

Luke smiled at him and began kissing him.Andy joined in and soon they were making love.Luke’s ribs still protested a little when Andy took him in the missionary position,but Luke needed to see his man;so he put up with the slight discomfort.

They were still using condoms;Luke had insisted.Andy,after making a token protest,had agreed.

“I will always trust you,”Andy said,once he was fully inside Luke.He stared down at him with all the quiet determination Luke knew his boyfriend could muster so early in the morning.“And I love you.I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

“Oh,Andy.”Luke was near to tears.

“You’re perfect…just so perfect.”Andy began to move inside of him,all the while staring deep into Luke’s soul.

“You’re mine,never gonna give you up,”Luke moaned.

Eventually,about the time dawn was starting to break,they settled down to go to sleep.It had been a long night,but they had grown closer during it,if that were possible.Andy had agreed to talk to Craig—Luke explained that Craig needed the reassurance from his uncle that he didn’t blame him for what had happened.

“But I already told him that,”Andy said,just before he fell asleep.

“Tell him again.I know it’ll mean a lot to him.He idolises you.”

Andy snorted.

Luke snuggled in closer.“Trust me,he does.There’s a lot to idolise.”

****

The door buzzer sounded,shaking Luke out of his memories.He looked up to see Andy entering.He’d invited him to come look around the place a number of times;he must have finally found time to do it.

With a broad smile,Luke said,“Welcome to Tony’s.”

Andy didn’t return his smile.“Can we talk,somewhere private?”Andy asked in a sombre tone.

There were a couple of people milling about on the other side of the reception area,Luke thought they were far enough away,but the look on Andy’s face told him that private meant alone.Panic started to wash through him.Was it his da or his mam?Someone in Andy’s family?

“I suppose we can use Tony’s office.He’s still at lunch.”Luke raised a section of the counter,put out the Back in a minutesign and led Andy to the rear.

“I got a phone call from Donnie—”Andy continued to speak,but Luke wasn’t hearing him.Sam.He must have been hurt,or…Luke remembered something about a heart condition.“…So it seems Mr Jenkins must have had Sam and Donnie’s address;they went round there and,well,theycalled me,rather than your mobile phone.”

“What?”Luke was confused.What had Mr Jenkins got to do with anything?“Sorry,what did yousay?”

Andy laid a hand on his arm.“Roger.The police found him unconscious in a flat they were raiding.They took him to hospital;Roger had something in one of his pockets with your old address on it.They went round there,only you weren’t there of course,but old Mr Jenkins knew you had friends and just happened to have their address.”

Luke continued to sit there,unable to process it all.The biggest thing he felt was relief that it wasn’t Sam.

“So,uh—”Andy said at Luke’s continued silence.“I came round to tell you face to face.I was going to wait till tonight when you came home,but Donnie thought you’d want to know straight away.”

“Yeah.”Then after about a minute had passed,he added,“Did Donnie say anything about how Roger was?”