I Promise

I Promise
Rachel's POV 

The door to my room was pushed. It squealed open gently, and Mom strolled in, probably an hour after she’d asked Draco and Logan for a talk. I dropped the book I was reading, leaning up from the bed.
She leaned her arm forward, motioning for me not to bother. I dropped back, submitting once again to the comfort of the bed.
I searched her face for a hint at the details of her mini meeting with Logan and Draco. All I got was a large, patronizing smile.
My heart beat with the throw of her legs as she strolled to the bed. She dropped carefully beside me and reached for my hand.
She placed them between the tender ones of hers. She lifted her face, giving me another warm smile. Though it reached her eyes, it lacked that genuine warmth that came with her natural ones. She was obviously trying to patronize me.
What was she going to say?
What else could it be than to tell me to forget about Draco and Logan? I could read every bit of her demeanor.
I snatched her hands, overturning them, to hold them instead of her holding onto mine. “Don't tell me to forget Logan and Draco, Mom. Because I can't. I love them. I really do.” I said with every fiber of my being, shaking her hands gently. I looked straight into her eyes, reaching for her heart, and hoping she would understand me.
She forced another patronizing smile. “That is why you must forget them, Rachel. Trust me, Rachel, I am your mother. I want the best for you. Draco and Logan don't love you. They are just infatuated with you, and it'll pass. You deserve someone better, someone your age, someone like Cole.”
She tried to grab my hands as she spoke, but I pressed down on her hands in mine. I drew closer to her on the bed, my butt scratching over the soft mattress, in my desperation to make her understand how real and important this was to me.
I shook her hand gently, jerking her eyes to level with mine.
I stared into that face that looked almost like mine, those toffee-brown eyes that shifted and sparkled just like mine. I had only known her a week ago, yet it felt like I had known her for ages. “I don't love Cole, Mom. It is Draco and Logan I love. And they love me too. I am very sure of it.” I said. She was my mother. She should understand me, understand my feelings. 
She gave me another forced smile—patronizing as before. I dropped her hands, gritting my teeth hard as I leaned back on the bed. Why won't she just understand?
I had no idea I had been crying until tears blurred my vision. I dabbed at it with the back of my hands. She leaned forward to help me wipe off the tears. I shifted from her.
She bit back on her lips gently as she dropped back, gathering my hands on my lap. I turned my face to her again to glimpse that fake, patronizing smile once again.
“You should understand me, Rachel. I want the best for you.”
“And you think the best is Cole.” I snapped at her.
“No, Rachel. I only mentioned Cole because he told me both of you used to be a thing and that he still loves you. He might not be the best option for you, but the worst option is two washed-up old men, where one is an unrepentant Casanova who is incapable of love, and the other is obsessed with your mom. Draco is incapable of loving anyone else except me.”
“People change, Mom. I think and know they have changed. Draco might love you, but he also loves me too. I am sure of it.”
She scoffed lightly, glancing briefly from me to the room. Her eyes lingering on the walls for a moment. She finally returned her gaze to me, folding my hands in hers. “Just as Logan is incapable of love, Draco is incapable of loving anyone else but me. You’ve barely known them for a year, while I’ve known them for decades. Men, especially the likes of Draco and Logan, don't change, especially not within a year. You just think you love them, but you don't, and you deserve better than them.”
“I don't think I loved them. I know I do.” I reiterated.
She scoffed harder, throwing her jaw away briefly. “You are a young girl, Rachel. You don't know how the world really works. Draco and Logan just groomed you into thinking you love them—”
“I am not a young girl. I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions. And I have been making them for years and years of my life without your expert guidance.” I challenged, looking away from her. The patronizing smile still lingering on her lips made my skin crawl.
“I know you have been—”
She hadn't finished when I dragged my hands from hers. She stared down at her empty hands for a moment. When she lifted her eyes to me, I saw them shift, quivering in their sockets. Her patronizing smile slowly ebbed from her face, and her eyes darkened, stained with tears. 
“I might not have been in your life for years. But that doesn't mean I threw you away, Rachel. You were taken away from me.” She said, her lips quivering, her chin vibrating, that her voice sounded like it was jarring out of her throat.
I sat upright now, my heartbeat slowing into a dull ache as she cried before me. Yet, the ache hurt like hell.
Here I was making the woman who had sacrificed so much for me cry. She doesn't deserve this. She’d endured so much because of me to cry like this.
But I wished there was another around this. That I didn't need to make her cry just because of my love for Draco and Logan.
I moved my lips to speak, to console her, but an ache claimed my throat, so I just couldn't get any word out. 
I threw my arms in the air to reach for her. I hesitated, slapping them back to the bed beside me. 
“I might have been absent for most of your life, Rachel. But at the time when it mattered the most, I was there. I had protected you from your father. I had to tie hard clothes tight around my stomach to hide the pregnancy bump from Nicolas and his family, enduring severe pain every day for eight months. I had to walk miles from the Tinirellos property when I was due for delivery to give birth to you all by myself. Then I spent the rest of my life searching the world for you. I might have been absent for twenty-three years, but I was present when it mattered, and I have come back to make up for those years,” she said, her chin still vibrating as she spoke.
She cleaned off her tears as she spoke. Then she stood up on her feet, looking away from me.
The ache in my heart grew stronger. It became a force that pressed down hard on my heart. I could almost feel it sinking inside of me as she turned slowly in the direction of the door.
“Mom,” I called, rising from the bed. But she didn't stop. Her body trembled as she continued for the door.
“Mom, I am sorry,” I called out again, but she didn't stop. Instead, she continued for the door. Her back was firm to me, and her body shook terribly. I could see the strains in the almost sluggish throw of her legs.
I just couldn't take it anymore. I jumped down from the bed. I ran to her, throwing my arms around her shoulders from behind. “I am sorry, Mom. I am truly sorry,” I said, hugging tighter to her.
I blinked my eyes, keeping off the tears that threatened to pour out of them. The nagging ache in my chest hit harder, and I pressed myself tighter against her back, just to keep it off.
“I am sorry, Mom. I am sorry.” I said, and this time, the tears poured, flowing freely down my cheeks. I couldn't stop it.
She turned to me then. She grabbed me into her arms and layed my head on her chest, her palm carressing the silky bundle of my hair. She held me tight to her body. “Promise me, Rachel, that you will forget Logan and Draco. Promise me that you won't damn yourself to them.”
I didn't want her to freak out and cry on me again, and though I had no damn idea if I wanted to do it or if I could even do it. I nodded my head against her chest. “Okay, Mom,” I said. The next words were so heavy in my throat, I shut my eyes to get them out. “I promise to stay away from Draco and Logan," I said.
“That's my princess,” she cried, her voice ecstatic. Then she cradled me tighter in her arms. I felt every bit of warmth from her bigger body.
I tried to submit to her warmth, give in completely, and relish her love for me. I couldn't. Not with the questions nagging ceaselessly behind my mind. Do I really want to forget Draco and Logan? Can I really even forget them?