Chapter 37

As this pregnancy trickles into next week and the week after that, I find myself still dealing with the same Quinn situation. Every yoga class, I can feel her looking at me as if she’s waiting for me to look at her. I don’t. Sometimes she sits close to me, and sometimes she doesn’t. There are even times when she speaks to me after class, telling me how great I look. I know she’s putting in a lot of effort, but it’s hard to reciprocate. I naturally want to be as nice to her as she is to me, but I find it hard to completely give in to her. I settle on tight smiles and weak waves as I leave. The disappointed looks on her face make me feel like shit, but I can’t give her any more right now. I hope she can understand that I really am trying to move forward, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

At home, I try to keep Quinn talk to a minimum. Harper encourages me to connect with her while Jasper tells me to steer clear. I see both of their sides, but neither seems like the answer for me. At one point, Quinn was absolutely my best friend and I would have done anything for her. I'd like to think she felt the same about me, but she didn’t. That realization makes it so hard to take steps to repair this friendship. However, I know drugs can make a person completely change without them realizing it. What had started as a recreational thing turned into a full-blown addiction for Quinn. As much as I want to say that it was all her, I know it isn’t the truth. I hardly recognized her that night I went to pick up Lea. She was in way too deep.

Now that she’s recovering and has a baby on the way, I sort of want to be there for her. We used to talk about being mothers together and having our kids dress the same as if they were twins. All of that has gone down the drain because, whenever I even consider sharing a thought with her or complimenting her on her cute yoga clothes, my throat gets tight from the sour memories. I know these feelings aren’t good for my baby, so I hope I can figure it out soon.

Apart from that drama, it’s nice to know that the home front is doing well. Harper is walking comfortably now, with little pain. He can make it up and down the stairs without assistance. His physical therapist still suggests we supervise him, though, which Harper hates. I try to keep my distance so he doesn’t feel like I’m overstepping again. Jasper, however, is like a helicopter parent. He watches Harper move around carefully, even when Harper thinks he isn’t being watched. Jasper also gives Harper a lot of shit for making me feel like I can’t help. I told Jasper that it wasn’t a big deal, but once he makes up his mind about how he feels, there's no changing it.

A few times Harper has asked me to get something for him that I know is easily accessible. I know he’s trying to be nice, so I do it even if it’s mundane, like getting him a glass of water or handing him a plate from a shelf that I can barely reach myself. I do it because I like to feel needed by both of my guys. I never want them to want for anything. When the baby comes, I know that will all change, but for now, I do what I can to make them feel taken care of.

Standing in front of the mirror on a rainy Saturday, I rub Shea butter on my growing belly. In two weeks, my belly has grown a lot. At sixteen weeks, it no longer looks like bloat and you can tell it’s there under my shirt. I’m even starting to see it when I look down at my feet. I think that’s the most exciting part, looking down and seeing my baby inside of me.

The rain pours down on the quiet house as I throw on a pair of yoga shorts and a sports bra just to get back in bed. When I woke up, it wasn’t raining, so I took a shower, thinking I was going to go out for a bit. However, when I got out, it was pouring like a tropical storm. A great excuse to get back into bed and lounge for the day. While I’m crawling back into bed, Jasper comes in pretty drenched with rain.

“Fucking 30% chance of rain, my ass. Started coming down when I was 10 minutes away.” He begins peeling his clothes off as I snuggle down into the covers.

“The 30% chance was right over your head,” I laugh as he rolls his eyes, laughing.

“Bullshit. Why are you back in bed? I thought you were going shopping.”

“The 30% stopped me. I figured, why do anything today? It’s dark and gloomy. I can lay around all day and eat snacks or sleep. I’ve been working and dealing with yoga these past two weeks. I want to rest my body and mind.”

“I feel you, baby. I guess we’re all going to lounge today. Harper is still sleeping, so he’s way ahead of you. I’m going to shower, answer some emails, and make some calls before coming to join you for a nap. Sound good?”

“Sounds good to me.” I smile as my eyes scan over Jasper’s now naked body.

While he’s showering, I play on my phone, wanting to wait for him to finish with the work he has to do so we can nap together. Nothing is worse than waking up from a nap before the other person and not knowing what to do.

I figured the work wouldn’t take him more than 30 minutes, so imagine my surprise when it’s been two hours and he isn’t back. It’s almost 10 am and I’m dozing off without him. I’m about to give in to sleep when my phone vibrates.

Opening it, I read the text from Harper. He’s asking if I can come help him with something. Sighing, I roll out of bed and head to his room, thinking he needs his medicine or a snack. When I walk in, he’s lying in bed, content as ever.

“What’s up?” I ask, looking around.

“Nothing. Come lie with me.”

“I thought you said you needed something.” I frown, cocking my head to the side.

“I do. I need you.”

Immediately, my heart swells and I can’t help but blush. Slowly, I walk over to the empty side of his bed. He throws the covers back and I crawl in, cuddling up to his side. Harper turns onto his side, wrapping his arm around me. As he pulls me close, I feel his warmth, and it’s so soothing. A lot better than my empty bed.

“Mm, this is nice. I’m supposed to be napping with Jasper, but he’s working.” I roll my eyes.

“Well, thankfully, I’m here to fill in.” His hand slides over my belly and rests on my side.

“Do you think it’s weird touching my belly? Like, knowing the baby isn’t yours,” I ask, looking up at him.

“Not at all. I love you and this baby, even if he or she isn’t mine. Nothing is weird about it to me. You’re gorgeous and this baby is loved.”

“That’s nice to hear.” I smile softly as Harper leans in, kissing my lips.

The rain begins to come down harder and is joined by thunder. Lighting begins flashing into the room, and when the power flickers, I know it won’t be long before Jasper comes stomping up the stairs. Five minutes later the door swings open and an irritated Jasper is standing there.

“Fucking power flickered on me and ended my whole conference call.”

“About time. I thought we were supposed to be napping, mister.” I frown as Jasper comes to my side, climbing into the bed, smooshing me close to Harper.

“Shush, I lost track of time. I’m sorry.” He yawns as he rests on his back, throwing his arm over his head and closing his eyes.

I stare up at Harper as he fights back a laugh, pulling the covers over me. The storm goes on as we all nap together and I couldn’t be happier. As I’m falling asleep, I can’t help but want this pregnancy to go by as slowly as possible so I can soak in all these moments with the guys that I won’t have anymore once my baby comes. When I’m covered in baby puke and wearing three-day-old clothes, these will be the moments I think about, wishing for just a second that I could have them back. So, for now, I’m taking advantage of the love between us all.