Chapter 39

*Livie*

“Hey, Liv, wait up!” I heard from behind me as I walked out the side door of the library closest to the business school. Looking back I saw Kacey Jenkins, a sophomore in the same business program I started a few months ago.

“Hey, Kace, whats up?” I asked as he closed the gap between us. He reached out, placing his hand on the door I was holding.

“I got it.” He said as he held the door for us both. “Wanna grab dinner later? We can review for Pederson’s class.” A youthful grin splashed across his face. Standing at least six foot tall, bright green eyes and sandy blonde hair were a perfect complement to the deep tan of his skin.

“Um, sure.” I nodded my head as we walked toward the parking structure on this side of campus. “What time, do you think?”

“I gotta review game tape with Coach, but I should be done around seven. I can pick you up?” A pang of guilt stung as I took notice of how handsome Kacey was. “If that’s ok?” The hesitation in his voice made her feel even worse.

“Of course. That would be great. Thank you, Kacey.” I smiled up at him.

“Great, so I’ll, um, see you then, yeah.” I nodded my head as he waved goodbye, then dashed in the direction of the arena. Kacey was a starting forward for the Providence University hockey team. Go Knights! Being on campus has been surreal, to say the least. While Zoe has been wonderful in helping me get settled here, finding friends closer to my own age would be nice. After getting my car from the garage, I headed to my apartment. It was the perfect location, halfway between campus and the office, and while I only go in three days a week during the semester, its been really nice having minimal commute.

At home, I settled into a chair and spread out the materials for the marketing project I have due next week. I dove into my project, losing all track of time until my phone buzzed, alerting me to a new message. Glancing at the screen, I saw it was nearly seven, so I hopped up and went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth before Kacey’s arrival. The absence of my wedding ring weighed heavily on my hand. A knock at the door brought me out of my memories.

I opened the door to find Kacey’s bright smile looking down at me. “Hey, let me just grab my bag and we can go.” I turned, leaving the door open as an invitation to step inside. “Did you have any thoughts on where we could eat?” I asked as I shoved my econ text book into my bag, then threw it over my shoulder. Grabbing the keys from the bowl on the kitchen counter, I turned back to Kacey. “Ready?”

“I was thinking maybe Sboro’s?” Hesitation was thick in his voice again, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, as he looked at me expectantly. Sboro’s was a definite date place.

“Um, yeah Italian is great.” I answered. “Yay carbs!” I said then giggled nervously. Should I tell him, I’m technically married? I thought it was just studying. My stomach started doing somersaults. We walked to the landing in front of my apartment, stopping so I could lock the deadbolt behind me, then headed down the stairs to his truck.

After opening my door for me, he waited until I was settled in the passenger seat before closing the door and heading around the truck to slide into the driver’s seat. Once we were both seated inside, the smell of his cologne filled my nostrils, and brought me back in time. Suddenly, tears pricked my eyes, and my emotions clogged my throat. “Hey, are you okay?” Kacey’s words oozed concern, as he reached his hand across and thread his fingers through mine.

The gesture caught me off guard and it was in that moment, I realized how much I had missed his touch. “I’m sorry. Your cologne, it just reminded me of someone I lost.” I blinked back the tears before continuing. “I’m ok, really. I just hadn’t thought about him in a while.” That was a lie. He lived rent free in my mind. His smell. His lips. His touch. Not that it mattered. He needed someone uncomplicated in his life. Someone laid back with a loving family. I could be that person to someone like Kacey, I think. There’s too much history for any possibility of a future with James, though. I shook the memory off, and tried to focus my attention on Kacey. “How did your meeting with the coach go?” I asked redirecting the conversation.

“It was good. We have a good plan together for the game Friday.” His fingers were still laced with mine. “You sure you’re ok?” Smiling up at him, I nodded. At the restaurant he parked the truck, then hopped out and ran around to my door before I could let myself out. After he helped me out, I adjusted my bag on my shoulder then looked up and met his eyes. Butterflies took flight in abdomen, nervousness taking hold. His tongue slipped out between his lips, wetting them ever so slightly, then his eyes dipped to my mouth before sliding back to my eyes. The air thickened between us. My mouth was suddenly dry.

He reached a hand up to my face, running his thumb along my bottom lip, which I had apparently caught in between my teeth. “I want to kiss you.” My heart and mind were racing, and my body, the traitorous bitch, was begging yes! Taking my silence as permission, he dipped his head down and pressed his lips to mine. He ran his fingers through my hair, threading the strands through his fist, tugging my head back just slightly. My hands rested on his strong chest and I allowed him to deepen the kiss, desperate to feel anything for someone else. Before I could process what I was feeling, he pulled back then pressed one last kiss to my lips. Smiling down at me, he said “You’re beautiful, you know that?” Uncomfortable with the compliment, I muttered a thank you as I dropped my gaze to my feet. Moving his hand from the back of my head, he tucked his index finger under my chin, lifting my face to his. “Don’t worry, you’re gonna hear that a lot from me.” The cocky grin that greeted me was infectious, and soon I found myself grinning back at him. For just a moment everything else faded away. Maybe there was hope after all.

The rest of the evening was spent getting to know one another a little better. Up to now, our conversations had been limited to school related topics. Mostly because I wanted to avoid talking about anything personal, afraid to share any of my drama. Kacey grew up in a small town a few hours north of Mormont, where his father was a hockey coach and his mom was the town librarian. It was like a real life version of Leave it to Beaver. I felt even more self conscious about my own background. How do you tell someone your mother was a whore (literally) and your brother faked his own death to get away from your abusive father. Not that I’ve talked to Marcus. Or Carl. Whatever the fuck his name is.

“I’m talking about hockey too much, huh?” The question brought me out of my spiraling thoughts.

“No, no not at all.” I smiled gently. “I was actually just thinking how nice it must be to have your parents still together.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I heard how pathetic that sounded. “I mean, you know, my dad worked a lot and wasn’t really around much.”

“What about your mom?” He asked, genuinely interested.

“Um. I never really knew her.” Looking down at my plate, unsure what to say next. His hand found its way back to mine, as he once again linked our fingers together across the table.

“I’m sorry, Olivia. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to not have my mom.” There was no pity in his voice, but rather true empathy. “I had a little sister.” His voice much quieter now. “She died when she was ten. Cancer.”

“Wow. That’s heartbreaking. How old were you?”

“Fifteen.” He pushed around the food on his plate, seeming to consider his next words.

“I guess every family has its struggles.” I muttered, his head nodding in silent response.

“Dessert? They have the best tiramasu you’ll ever have. Outside of Italy of course.” The heart stopping smile was back. I forced my own smile, pushing away the memories of sharing the same dish with my husband.

“Spend much time in Italy?” I asked, light laughter in my question.

“Never been, but if its this good here, can you imagine how amazing it would be there?” He held my hand as the waiter brought our coffee and dessert, and was still holding it as we walked out of the restaurant. It was the first time in a long time I felt happy. And it absolutely broke my heart.