Chapter 40

*Livie*

Three days after my accidental date, Beth came to spend the weekend with me. We hadn’t seen each other since I moved to Mormont. Since I left James. ***In the uber! On my way!!*** I smiled at the text from my oldest friend. ***YAY! Can’t wait!*** I tapped out the reply, then busied myself in the kitchen preparing dinner for us. I opened a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and was making shrimp risotto with grilled asparagus and had F.R.I.E.N.D.S. ready to go. We had seen it so many times, we could chat and not miss a beat.

I took a large swig of my wine as thoughts of Kacey hovered. He had called or texted every day since we had dinner, but tonight was an out of town game for the team. It was the perfect time to fill Beth in and try to sort through what the hell I’m doing. James received divorce papers a week ago, and it had been radio silence since then, so I’m certain this visit isn’t coincidental. I was reaching into the cabinet for a second bottle of wine to chill when the door swung open, revealing my best friend. “OH EM GEE!” She squealed as we ran to each other for a hug. This was by far the longest we had ever spent apart from one another. Even when I was wrapped up in James, Beth and I still hung out several times a week.

As I soaked up the comfort of my friend, the weight of everything finally crashed down. Hard. Bursting into tears, Beth held on tighter and led me to the couch, where we sat and I continued to sob. “I’m so sorry, Beth.” I choked out between sobs. “I’m the worst best friend ever.”

“No you’re not!” Beth’s voice was firm. “You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You have been to hell and back over and over again!”

“I never meant to hurt anyone.” I cried again. “GOD I am such a mess!” Leaning back on the couch, I let my head fall back on the cushion.

“You’re not a mess.” Beth’s voice was softer this time. “You just need time to process everything that’s happened. Give yourself some grace.” She stood and walked to the kitchen, refilling my glass and pouring herself one. Walking back to the couch, she handed me a glass then sat next to me as we both sipped our wine. “This is really good, wine.” Beth muttered, sounding surprised.

“It’s his favorite.” I twisted the glass in my hand. “How is he?” It came out so quietly I wasn’t sure she heard me.

“Do you really want to know?” The expression on her face told me everything I needed to know.

“I just don’t know what to do.” The tears threatened again. “UGH! I am so sick of crying.” I swiped the moisture from my cheeks. Beth reached her arm around me, pulling me close to her. Laying my head on her shoulder, we sat in comfortable silence the way only the best of friends can. “I guess I should finish making dinner.” Letting loose a deep sigh, I slowly stood from the couch. “Risotto?”

“And now I’m drooling.” Beth laughed and stood also. “I can’t help, but I can drink wine and chat while you cook.” She grinned ear to ear and followed me to the kitchen. As I prepared the asparagus, she pulled out a stool and sat at the small island in the kitchen.

“You’re gonna have to learn one day. I mean what does Trav even see in you?” I giggled, poking fun at her.

She wiggled her eyebrows and responded, “You know what he sees in me.”

“Oh my word, you are a total horn dog.” Turning toward the sink, I tossed the asparagus spears into a colander and rinsed them, pat them dry with a paper towel and tossed them on a baking sheet. “I do miss sex though.” I sighed wistfully and drizzled oil then sprinkled salt and pepper on the veggies.

“Any prospects?” She asked. I turned around, surprised by her question.

“I mean, I’m still married.” My cheeks turned red and before I could continue, my cell buzzed from the counter. “Who is that?” I asked Beth, as she was closer to the phone than I was.

“UUUUMMMM…. Who’s Kacey?” She continued scrolling through our chat thread then let out a squeal. “NEVERMIND! OMG! Olivia Wilson! He’s hot!” With my head tilted back, I stared at the ceiling trying to come up with an acceptable response. There wasn’t one.

“He’s just this guy I have a few classes with. He’s been in the program longer than me and has really helped me out.” I turned to face Beth. “WITH SCHOOL.” I stressed the last two words, knowing they were a lie. Knowing me better than anyone, Beth continued to stare me down. “FUCK. Fine, we had dinner. ONCE!” I let out a frustrated groan and turned back to dinner. Unwrapping the block of fresh parmesan cheese, I began to run it over the grater I had set in a mixing bowl, but before I could make two passes, Beth plucked the block out of my hand and set it down. “What are you doing?”

“Look at me.” Growing increasingly agitated, I turned facing my friend. “I love you. Period. Whatever happens with you and James, I just want you to be happy. And loved by someone who will spend every minute of the rest of his life trying to prove he deserves you.”

“I love you too, Beth. I don’t think I would have made it this far without you.” Wrapping my arms around her once again, “I’m so glad you’re here.” Taking another large drink of my wine before turning away from her, I mumbled “We may have kissed.” Before I could grab for the cheese again, Beth snagged the bowl away from, carried it to the fridge and set it on a shelf inside, then did the same with the other food I was preparing. Without saying a word, she poured more wine into both our glasses, guided me to the couch, then pulled out her phone and loaded the “Door Dash” app.

“Chinese will be here in thirty. Now. Spill.” Watching me expectantly, there wasn’t a hint of judgment on her face.

“What the fuck am I doing, Beth? I’m married! MARRIED! To an incredible man. A man I don’t deserve. I can’t keep dragging people into my shit!” Unable to sit still any longer, I stood and began to pace in front of my coffee table, Beth’s eyes following me back and forth. “James is this incredible man, who did this incredible thing and got me away from those monsters. And they tried to ruin him for it. And Kacey. Kacey.” My fingers absently brushed over my lips remember his against mine. “He’s incredible, Beth. So smart and gorgeous! And his body. OH I miss sex! But it doesn’t matter. He’s not James. But I can’t be with James.”

“OK, breathe Liv!” I stopped pacing and took a deep breath, panic still coursing through me. “First off, what do you mean you can’t be with James?”

“Nancy will never stop. She’ll never let him be if I am around.” Dropping back onto the couch, I finished my wine. “We need tequila.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Liv? What does Nancy have to do with any of this?” Resigned to the fact that Beth was now like a dog with a bone, I knew I’d have to answer.

“She’s the one who tried to get him fired. She told the hospital board her and Nick would pull funding if they continued to employee a ‘child predator.’ When the investigation turned up nothing, the board was forced to reinstate him. Beth I think she killed Nick.”

“Oh my god. Are you serious? How do you know?”

“I got an anonymous letter. It was a warning to stay away. When I found out about Marcus. Or Carl. Whatever his name is. When I found out that James had known and kept it from me, it was the perfect out. Then I got here. I have missed him so much. So I dragged my feet filing the papers.” I paused, preparing myself for what was next. “Then I got a second letter. The only way to keep him safe was to file for divorce.”

“You’ve been living with this horrible secret all this time?” Beth’s face was now streaked with tears. “Liv I am so sorry. I should have known there was more to it.” She took a sip of her wine. “Has Marcus tried to call you?”

I nodded, tears silently falling again. “Right after the funeral. He just said he’d be there when I was ready.”

“Have there been any other letters?”

“No, but if he refuses to sign, I don’t know what she’ll do.”

A knock on the door pulled us out of our bubble. “That’s the food!” Beth jumped up and went to the door. We spent the rest of the night gorging on egg rolls, watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, and ignoring the outside world. Around eleven thirty my phone buzzed with a message from Kacey. ***Goodnight, Beautiful.*** I didn’t bother hiding the grin his words brought to my face. Congrats on the big win! Almost immediately three little dots popped up letting me know he was responding. ***Next game, you’re sitting behind the bench. My own personal cheerleader ;)***

“Get me a ticket, too.” Beth said looking over my shoulder at Kacey’s message.

“You don’t even live here!” She plucked the phone from my hand, and tapped out her own response*. ***Only if its two tickets - my best friend is here visiting and I can’t leave her alone…*** “Beth. Come on. I can’t lead him on.”

“It’s one game. I’m not asking you to fuck him on center ice for crying out loud.” Standing up, “Let’s crash. The time difference is messing my world up.” We took turns using the restroom, washing up and brushing our teeth before changing and crawling into bed. As I plugged in my phone on the night stand, Kacey’s response popped up. ***Two tickets. I’ll have them delivered to your place. Goodnight, Beautiful ;)***

That night I dreamed of hockey pucks flying at Nancy’s head that night. It was beautiful.