CHAPTER 80
CHAPTER 80
Wednesday June 3rd
Have decided to hit the gym, pre-wedding. I know one session isn’t going to make a lot of difference, but a bit of toning won’t hurt.
Found a special-offer coupon for Fitness Factory and signed up online.
Will go tomorrow.
Thursday June 4th
Wedding just a few days away!
Made it to the gym.
Put Katy in the crèche and she cried and cried. She was so loud the ladies coming out of the sauna thought a car alarm was going off.
But then the crèche ladies put her in a bouncy swing and she was instantly happy. So I had to go and exercise.
I spent ages walking around the gym, touching equipment and then being too scared to actually get on it.
Eventually, I worked up the courage to sit on a weight machine. I pulled at some handles. Then this Lycra bicep man said, ‘Let me show you how to do thatproperly.’
The proper way absolutely killed my arms. So I did some jogging on the treadmill and watchedGypsy Weddingson the mini telly.
Everyone wears Lycra at the gym these days. How can fashion be so cruel?
Friday June 5th
I was too hungry to sleep last night.
Ended up squirting cream on Oreo cookies at 1am, and suddenly Helen appeared like some pale big-nosed ghost.
After I’d stopped screaming, Helen explained that she’d had an ‘all-nighter’ in the city and decided to stay in our guest bedroom without telling us.
She looked at my cookies and said, ‘Children have midnight feasts, Juliette. Grown women watch their weight.’
I said I hardly saw the point of dieting anymore, what with the wedding being so soon. Nick would just have to accept me for me, baby weight and all.
Helen told me again how she lost weight when Nick was born and that the hospital was worried she was just too slim.
Then she went on about how perfect her wedding day had been.
I asked how Henry had liked it.
She said, ‘Not my wedding toHenry. My wedding toNicholas’sdad. Marrying him was the best day of my life.’
I said, ‘What about the day Nick was born?’
She said, ‘That day was awful. Absolutely awful. Being handed this scrawny, ugly little thing covered in … God, I don’t even want to say it. I seriously wanted to complain to somebody. But I really loved Nicholas’s father. From the moment I met him.’
Then her eyes went all sharp and Helen-like and she said, ‘Men are imperfect creatures. You mustn’t forget that. Don’t love a man too much. He’ll only let you down.’
Saturday June 6th
Nick’s stag party tonight.
Ugh. I do not even want to THINK about what Nick will be up to.
I’m not exactly having a hen night, but Mum, Laura and Brandi have ‘something planned’.
Unfortunately, Helen is babysitting.
Helen said, ‘Christ – don’t have one of those hideous L-plate bingo heavy-drinking affairs, will you?Stacky.’
I told her we’d probably just go for a nice meal somewhere in Great Oakley. I’m a mum now, after all. No more wild nights for me.
Sunday June 7th
Gala bingo!
Learner plates!
PINK TUTUS!
We hit the West End and danced on the stage until 3am.
Must remember though – fluorescent lights show up white stains. How had Katy managed to wipe her nose on my back?
Had SUCH a laugh.
Mum did her party trick of drinking a pint of Guinness from her cleavage.
She was so drunk by 3am that she started singing songs fromFrozen.
Nick still wasn’t back when I got home. So he has no reason to moan at me.
Tired when I got home, but it was worth it.
As soon as I passed out, Katy woke up. And then again. And again.
It’s like she knew I’d gone to bed late and was telling me off.
You’re halfway through!
Hope you’re liking the story so far, but hold on tight because there are about to be some explosions …
I’d love to give you a little window into my writer’s world and show you the Pinterest board I used whilst writing this book.
It’s here:
uk.pinterest.com/suzykquinn/bad-mothers-diary/
No more interruptions I promise.
See you at the end, lovely lady.
Suzy K Quinn xx
Monday June 8th
Eeek!
Brandi Facebooked pictures of me dancing on tables at the hen night.
Nick went mad.
He said, ‘You need to grow up, Juliette. You’re not a teenager anymore.’
I told him to go fuck himself. HE didn’t roll in until 4am and spent the whole day in bed, while Helen brought him iced teas and Alka-Seltzer.
By mid-afternoon, I got sick of her mooning over her little prince, so I took Katy to Mum and Dad’s.
When I got there, Mum and Brandi were still in their dressing gowns, drinking Monster Energy cans.
Laura was at the library.
Callum had covered himself in toilet roll and was running around shouting, ‘POO MONSTER! POO MONSTER!’
I asked Mum if it was okay for her to be drinking Monster Energy, what with her diabetes and everything.
She said, ‘What’s wrong with it?’
I told her it was full of sugar and caffeine.
She said, ‘That’s why it tastes nice. Do you want one?’
I said, ‘Yes please.’
Callum got more and more mental as the afternoon went on.
It turns out Brandi had put a bit of Monster Energy in his Incredible Hulk cup.
She said, ‘Who’d have thought he’d be so sensitive? He has Coca-Cola ALL the time and it hardly affects him.’
Hung out at the pub drinking Monster Energy.