Chapter 16

My heart is beating through my ears

Every organ in my body feels as if they have all managed to shrivel up and float wherever they please around inside my body

It feels as if ever step I take every movement I attempt I do so in slow motion

Im not even real in this moment, it is all so unreal

My mother and I reach the top of the staircase and stand at the entrance of the Churchill estate together, I become reluctant.

Helenas mother can feel her daughter hesitate, she stands at the entrance with her youngest and looks in her direction to see the fear in her eyes. No mother wishes to see their child in this state, she was prepared to take on every thought and every emotion for helena if she could in this very moment. Just standing beside her you could feel her resistence, unsure of what exact thoughts were running through her head however not unsure that those exact thoughts were apprehensive or ones of second guessing. Just being in her vicinity made you empathetic but could also potentially leave you in disbelief that the woman that stands capturing the attention of all around even leaving the help that were around completely mesmerized and captivated while still trying to refrain from staring or remaining distracted from their duties, stands completely unaware of her own spellbinding beauty. Helenas mother took a deep breath not just for herself but for helena, before rubbing the top of her hand that she held in hers with her thumb to catch her attention. Once she caught her attention with one swift movement and a small nod helenas mother straightened her back and raised her chin in attempt to be an example and show helena to keep her head high. She let go of helenas hand to take lead for her daughter, making her way through the wide entrance that stood open for the two with long but steady strides. Helenas mother couldnt help her nerves as she stepped through the churchill estate but she managed to shake most of them off or atleast push them too the back of her mind, a skill helena must have gotten from her. She wanted to show helena she had nothing to be afraid of and she should take every step with confidence. The moment she stepped in she stood a top the staircase quietly and began to scan the room skillfully for her husband and oldest daughter as she needed to find them but also a way to focus on her breathing. Almost just as quick as she found the two below they seemed to have followed everyone elses lead and looked in her direction. Following along with the rest of the ton she slowly looked behind her knowing exactly who she was going to see, her youngest Helena.

Her shoulders straight and her head held high. Stepping aside proudly to give helena space to allow her to enter she could not help the smile that spread across her face from her gratification, she was overjoyed. Helena stepped forward with confidence that rang through out the room demanding the attention she held, and she began her slow stride down the staircase allowing everyone to truly take in her pressence. As she descended down the staircase she overlooked the room in disbelief by all of the people below that just stood admiring her but she could not allow her head to drop or the rest of her fasad would fall along with it.

While descending the staircase of the churchill estate I try not to hold my breath or allow my nerves to show under the act I was putting on. My eyes continue to wander around the room as Im having trouble focusing on not allowing people to see straight through me I cant help but to feel like I am already failing especially having all eyes on me but just as the thought came to my head, a particular pair of eyes catch my own. My eyes meet his and as soon as our eyes meet I find that it is no longer difficult for me to breath, focusing became easy. I am floating and we are the only two in this entire room. Everyone and everything around us became non esistent for just that moment, with his eyes locked on mine it all felt just right. The fake confidence that I shielded myself with began to wash away once his eyes met mine and they grew soft. When his whole demenor seemed to have shifted as he melted into my gaze. Having his eyes on me did something to me within that was nothing like anything I have felt before, it was a feeling I was not familiar with but it made me raise my chin and hold my head higher as it brought me a sense of pride. With my focus being on charles I hadnt realized that I already reached the end of the staircase, to others it took just a few moments but for us two it felt like the best breath of fresh air you have ever experienced. Confusion set in as his gaze shifted from me to something nearby and his look shifted into a look one could only describe as a look of confusion and possibly even... anger?

" Ms Helena... "

Snapping out of my thoughts almost immediately my head darted in the direction of the voiced that spoke my name. Both in shock from the voice as well as shocked from the thoughts and feelings that consumed my body just a few short moments before. Whispers rang not so quietly amongst the room, I guess I had forgotten that we were not in fact the only two in the room... which now repeating it back to myself makes me want to physically cringe with nit just my face but my body as well, how embarassing. Blinking away my thoughts I shake them off and snap back to reality from whatever silly little moment I allowed my imagination to unravel in my mind. Reaching my hand out to lay it to rest in the one outstretched infront of me, I can feel his anger from across the room. Choosing to ignore it with a small courtsey I raise my eyes to meet his...

" Theo, always a pleasure "