Chapter 111 Questions

Chapter 111 Questions
"No, Mom... well, he did get me fired from the Resort--"
"Lydia!"
"But he hired me on privately. With everything going on, I haven't been at work."
"I'm sure he understands, dear. I could talk to him--"
"Please don't."
"... he's quite handsome."
"Mom."
"I'm just saying!"
She shook her head. "We'll... talk more about that never." Probably. "Tell me about your job. What... exactly are you doing for the Centurions?"

Lydia lay in bed, staying up at the ceiling, trying to decide if she was actually crazy, overly emotional, sick, or having a panic attack. The realization that her feelings about Dorian were becoming less and less neutral--and likely hadn't been neutral for a long time--turned her gut despite what they'd said and the way he'd held her and hadn't pushed, things were different.
Dorian... knew. 
He at least suspected because she knew that even if Quillan hadn't told him, Dorian was too empathetic, too observant not to suspect how bad it had actually been. 
They'd have to talk about the darkest part of her life at some point... if they weren't going to just continue to pretence. 
Did she want that?
Maybe.
She turned onto her stomach and got out of bed. Nope. She could not think about this right now. She had things to do. More importantly, she had no reason to think it was feasible. 
Dorian, for all his flirting, was a wealthy, successful young, handsome man. Yes, he was in a tough spot right now, but that wouldn't last. Dorian had a plan to get himself out of the Society's grip that didn't wholly rely on her. It weighed down all the things he didn't say, his hesitance. 
He was also too goddamn smart not to have figured something out even before all of this, probably.
Maybe he was serious, but she couldn't see Dorian denying himself anything long term.
Fuck. What was she going to do? They had to talk about this. She had to do something about it, but what?
She didn't want to make him miserable. 
Dorian's texts always left her in a better mood, and if things kept going how much longer would that hold out for?
No matter what he said, Dorian was a sexual man. He wore it like a second skin.
He was nice to her mom as far as she could tell, polite, cordial and grateful. Caring. He got her mom's favorite chocolate on a whim. He was nice to her brother and saved her life, if not just her sanity. He'd done more than enough. He could be asking more of her in their relationship as it developed. Before it had felt like more of an equal exchange for helping her out of all of this. Now, it felt like she was the one who had gotten most of the benefits out of the arrangement.
Her phone chimed with a message from an unknown number. 
The Society's system.
She was almost grateful for the distraction. 
She opened the message and frowned, expecting something more threatening than information about a team cocktail hour in early October. There was a check list attached to the calendar update. She scrolled through her calendar, pursing her lips as she found the block already assigned. 
Shopping at some boutique she'd never heard of, a spa appointment on the same day. She noted that it wasn't at the Lilikoi. She took a screenshot of the image and drafted a text to Dani. 
Lydia: Did you see this?
Dani: I did... we aren't assigned to the same places though.
Lydia: Think Jane could help fix it? Or your handler.
Dani: Jane. My handler deserves a kick to the teeth. 
Lydia got up and went downstairs to the kitchen table where Dani took her afternoon breaks. 
"What'd she do?"
Dani pursed her lips, jutting her hip out and resting a hand on it. 
"That wench decided to send me to a nutritionist who said, and I quote, You'll need to switch to a whole foods, plant-based, low-carb, low-fat, low-calorie diet to get your weight down." She rolled her eyes. "After I'd completed my physical with pro-athlete numbers."
Lydia chuckled and dropping into a chair. "So fit. Sounds like she was just trying to keep you performing at your best."
"I told her I was going home to eat the biggest, fattest sandwich I could manage with whole baby potatoes and a heaping salad on the side." Dani rolled her eyes. "Fucking wench goes on about my genetic pre-dispositions. Bitch, I'm Black and a descendant of several athletes on both sides! My family has only ever died of old--ninety plus--age and--" She broke off. Her hand went to her chest, right below her heart. "... accidents." She shook herself, taking a few deep, box breaths before dabbing at her eyes. "In any case, I told her she need to... go back for training because she was a shit nutritionist."
Lydia nodded, giving herself a moment to gather herself. "I should be out of physio by the end of the month... We could go shopping together." She pouted. "How come Reign doesn't have to deal with this shit?"
"Because she's dating a college student."
Lydia tutted and stood. "I'm going to make a snack. Ice cream?"
"Absolutely."
Lydia went to the freezer, pulling out her tub along with Dani's. Dani pulled down bowls and they served themselves before going to the living room. 
"Action or Comedy."
"Comedy," Lydia plopped down and lay back on one side, Dani took the other. "No romance."
"Stand-up it is."
Dani turned on the gigantic television and started flipping through channels. 
"Can I ask you something?"
"You can ask something else."
Lydia tossed a pillow at her as she laughed. 
"You and your cultist... how'd you... decide to..." She gestured. "Date him actually?"
Dani's eyes narrowed then she turned her gaze on Lydia, clearly hearing something that Lydia hadn't meant to tell her. 
Crap.
"My circumstances aren't going to help you make the decision you're trying to make." She set the remote down without pressing play. "Why don't you tell me why you haven't made the decision you want to make yet?"
Lydia dropped her gaze and pulled her knees closer to chest cradling her bowl in her lap. The cold burned against her bare thighs, but it was nothing compared to the cold building in her chest. 
She breathed in. "Things... happened to me when I was in high school." She swiped at her eyes. "And I know... guys... well... It's a lot to deal with."
"And you think he won't be able to deal with it?"
She shook her head and glanced up at Dani. Dani set her bowl aside, sat up and reached for Lydia's hand. The warmth of her hand pulled Lydia back from the edge of the vacuum of her past tugging at her mind. She lifted her gaze to meet Dani's. 
"Is it that you're worried he won't want to? Or that he'll change his mind after he gets what you think he wants?"
Lydia shut her eyes, swallowed and jerked her head down.