Chapter 61 To Die While Alive
By Valeria
I got to my apartment, ordered an Uber, and quickly went to the airport. I was running away, I knew it.
I don't want the day to come when Ale gets tired of me, when he kicks me out of his bed without looking at me, with the same indifference he shows his lovers after a night of sex.
I had a snack at the airport; I hadn't had lunch.
I have 20 missed calls from Alejandro.
I never answered.
I don't want to doubt, I have to get on the plane.
Finally, I boarded, filled with doubts and very distressed.
I talked to my sister, briefly told her what was happening.
I asked her to keep my secret if Alejandro contacted her.
I didn't think he would go to the trouble of finding my sister's phone number, but just in case, I wanted to cover that front.
I suppose he'll throw a fit for a day or two, then drown his sorrows, so to speak, with sex and alcohol for a few days, and in a week or ten days, he won't remember I existed in his life.
That's always how he handled things.
Thinking about that made me terribly distressed.
What I said is true, he's like that rock star teenage girls fall in love with, and he doesn't even know they exist.
Meanwhile, I'll die inside, loving him.
By Alejandro
I'm a suicidal man.
Vale told me she was going to have lunch with Emi.
Earlier, I made love to her in my office.
She didn't want to, but in the end, she gave in.
I had her close and couldn't stop touching her, kissing her.
I took off her clothes, and we ended up doing it.
She fills me like no other woman does; she reaches my soul, but I know it won't be easy to have her and make her trust me.
I really screwed up when I decided to prove to myself that I could sleep with another woman after having the best night of my life with her.
I'm definitely an idiot.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
My ego, my pride, and not wanting to admit I love a woman, the most beautiful and perfect woman that exists, led me to receive her coldness, although when I have her in my arms, she ends up responding to my kisses and caresses, to everything I give her.
She does it eagerly, passionately, and with love.
She loves me, and I know I won't break her; at this point, I don't even want to.
I realized it too late.
I wanted to have lunch with her, but she said she had plans to have lunch with Emi.
Gonzalo comes in as she leaves.
"You son of a bitch, you don't close the door, and you don't even know if someone's here."
"You came early."
It was meant to be a question, but it was a statement.
"Yeah, and I left quickly."
"Thanks for not interrupting."
"You're welcome."
He winks at me.
We chat while we have lunch.
I tell him I didn't use protection and that it wasn't the first time.
"You're a kamikaze."
"The other time, she got worse, took the morning-after pill. Today, she didn't say she would, but I'm sure she'll go to the pharmacy soon. It bothers me a lot that she does that."
"You should be relieved; she doesn't want to trap you with a child."
"I want to trap her, with a child or by marrying her or whatever Valeria asks of me."
"I still don't understand why you went looking for just anyone."
"Easy, I'm the biggest idiot of all."
The phone rings, and it's Vale, saying she's going to have lunch.
"She's probably going to the pharmacy."
"Let's go have lunch."
"Okay, I have a meeting at 2 PM, so let's hurry."
I went to have lunch with Gonzalo; Omar wasn't there to join us.
He must be with a client because Emi was supposed to be with Valeria.
When I came back, Valeria wasn't there, but the conference room was set up.
My meeting ended around four in the afternoon.
I was anxious and didn't resolve anything the businessman in front of me was saying; my mind was flying with Valeria.
I was very nervous and couldn't concentrate.
When I returned to my office, Valeria wasn't there.
I called her a couple of times, and she didn't answer.
My nerves grew.
I called Emi, and she said she hadn't seen her, that she had lunch with Omar.
I went to Omar's office.
I interrupted a meeting.
He confirmed that he had lunch with Emi.
He ended the meeting, and we both went to Emi's office, which was in the building across the street.
"Have you talked to Vale? Do you know where she is?"
"No... we're not speaking."
"What?"
Both Omar and I were completely shocked.
"We're not talking anymore; we argued yesterday, and I stayed at Omar's apartment last night..."
"Why did you argue?"
"Because..."
She doesn't say anything.
"Emi, it's important. Her ex is in jail, but I don't know what her cousin might do... I don't know if you know what happened."
"Yes, I know, and I don't think she can handle that. She was really upset, and we ended up arguing a lot. We said some pretty nasty things... we stopped being friends."
"Emi, what happened? Last night you didn't say anything, and today, nothing either."
"We're just not friends anymore," Emi says, her voice trembling and on the verge of tears.
"Please, think if she said something to you. I need to know where she is."
I plead, growing increasingly worried. Many people think she's my girlfriend, and she's exposed to so many things.
"She didn't say much, but she was very upset. She told me she wanted to distance herself from you, that being around you was bad for her, and that she was going to quit."
A cold sweat ran down my back.
"Quit?" I asked, trembling and more scared than before.
"Yes... she said she didn't believe you when you told her you loved her. She thinks what you call love is just a whim of yours, and that all you think about is going to... a restaurant where... they have live orgies and that you both participated there and that... you two were the same."
Omar and I exchanged glances. Valeria knows us very well.
"She called me naive, and I told her that instead of wanting to be okay, she was resentful, and we argued."
Damn, they fought because of us.
"Could she be at her apartment?"
Emi doesn't know.
"Can we check if she's there?"
"Yes," Emi answers, looking at Omar, as if asking for his permission.
The three of us returned to our company, and I asked Juan to take us to Valeria's apartment. I had never been there before.
Emi checked Valeria's closet and told me that a lot of clothes were missing, almost all of them, and her three suitcases were gone too.
Where are you, my beautiful beloved?
We all tried calling her. She never answered.
Could she have rented another apartment?
"What happened with her parents' house when they moved to the United States with her sister?"
"They sold it."
"Does she have another friend?"
"No, not close enough to move in with."
"My God, I'm the biggest idiot in the world."
"Do you love her?" Emi asks me.
"Yes, I love her more than I ever thought I could."
"Do you go to that place Valeria mentioned?" She asks Omar directly.
Omar looked at me. We're both very serious. I'm feeling terrible because I don't know where Valeria is, and Omar realizes that depending on his answer, he might lose Emi.
"Emi... yes, that place exists, but we don't... participate. We used to hire some girls, but since I've been with you, I haven't set foot there."
"So Emi is right."
"Yes and no, it's a restaurant like any other."
"You have dinner watching sex and say it's like any other?"
"No, we have dinner, and then if we want, some blinds go up, and behind some glass... there are people having sex, girls, men, orgies. Sweetheart, I don't want to lie to you, but I want you to trust me. I swear that's in the past, and I'm not interested in any other woman."
"I fought with Valeria and..." Emi says as tears fall down her cheeks.
"Emi, I'm not proud of it, but you saw us at Alejandro's apartment. I don't want to lie to you. I haven't done it since we've been together. I haven't even thought about anyone else. I love you."
Feeling uncomfortable, I moved away towards the door, looking for any detail that might tell me where Valeria could be.
Valeria fills me completely. She's tender, sweet, passionate, and acts tough. Of course, with how much of a jerk I was to her, how could she not act tough? She practically saw all the women I slept with last year.
I can't be such an idiot. With Valeria, I had everything. The day I touched her, when I first met her, a fire ran through me that I'd never felt before. With every encounter we had, my body burned, and my heart screamed that she was its owner.
What if she never comes back to me?
I sat on a couch near the entrance, a few feet from the door. My knees wouldn't respond.
She ran away from me.
This morning was a goodbye.
If she doesn't come back, there will come a day when she'll forget me, when she'll meet someone who makes her feel the way I did, who fills her with love, compliments, and affection, who doesn't flaunt every woman he sleeps with, and most importantly, who doesn't leave her after the most wonderful night of her life.
I cover my face with my hands, and the tears overwhelm me.
I've lost her.
Everything feels dark, like the day has turned into a cold stormy night.
I tried to trap my pride, to not depend on her, to deceive myself, and I fell into a deadly trap.
I've lost her.
I'm a fool.
I thought she was secure, but she had a limit, and I didn't see it.
I should have realized when she wanted to change the sheets after that night of love. I only told her I wanted to keep her scent when it was the moment to propose to her.
Then we would be together.