Chapter 34 I Am Pathetic
By Valeria
I already knew that with each passing day, the barriers that separated us were weakening. It's only a matter of time before he has me the way he wants.
I am pathetic.
In the end, I am worse than any woman he's ever had in his arms because I know him better than anyone, and his kisses drive me crazy. He gives them to anyone, to the first woman who crosses his path. The worst part is that I don't know how long I can endure watching the parade of women in his bed.
If he doesn't fire me first, I'll end up quitting.
I don't even know who I'm fighting against, him or myself.
I have to drown the fire that burns deep inside me, and maybe that way, I can control my feelings.
I'm walking down the street without underwear, I'm definitely the worst. When I was leaving the office, I was holding back my tears. I just ran into Omar. I hope he never finds out I'm not wearing underwear. It's so embarrassing.
I bought the morning-after pill and some panties, any kind, the ones you can buy anywhere. In the nearest bar, I went into the bathroom, feeling like everyone knew I had nothing on.
I got to my apartment and read the instructions. God willing, it will work.
I don't want to have a child under these conditions, no matter that he's the father.
Anyway, if I end up pregnant and the morning-after pill fails, I would never have an abortion.
To him, everything is a game. Women are disposable.
I don't aspire to have his love, much less his fidelity.
It's impossible.
I fell harder than a teenager.
I get lost in his arms, I breathe for his kisses.
I have to do something.
I'm not going to fall into his arms again, he won't have me whenever he wants, because one day he'll sleep with me, and the next day with another, and if he's bored, he'll look for me in the office and then do it with another.
He feels nothing for me, just desire, and because I refused to be his from the beginning, that desire is momentary, lasting as long as a breath of wind.
It lasts until another woman crosses his path and catches his attention.
At least he doesn't promise anything, he doesn't ask me to be his girlfriend, he doesn't talk about love.
He's honest.
If I cry or suffer, it's my fault, because of the feelings I have for him. Beyond kisses and caresses, he has never done or said anything.
He never did anything to make me fall in love. He has his life, and I'm just his secretary.
When Emi arrived, I told her we did it in his office and that we didn't use protection. She said I was crazy.
I already know that.
We talked for hours, and she decided not to accept the proposal. I'll be the one to tell him, along with my resignation.
It's for the best.
Although I don't know if I'll have the willpower to resign and walk away from Alejandro.
With that thought, I went to Alejandro's apartment.
He wasn't with anyone.
I took care of his clothes and waited for him in the kitchen with breakfast ready.
I put on his tie as usual and quickly stepped back.
"Alejandro... Emi rejects the proposal, and I've been seriously thinking... and I... I'm going to submit my resignation."
"What? You can't do that!"
"Yes, I've already decided."
He approached me, trembling.
I didn't expect that reaction from him.
He hugged me, tightly.
There was nothing sexual at that moment.
"No, Vale, please, I need you, don't go, don't leave me."
He sought my mouth and kissed me desperately.
"I need you, don't leave me, please."
I was wrong to think there was nothing sexual. Not everything was sexual, but those kisses were, and they were making me lose my mind.
"Please, darling, don't do it. I know I'm desperate to have you in my bed, but beyond that, I need you in my life."
Did I hear that right?
He needed me in his life.
As his secretary, right?
Anyway, it made me feel important.
He kept kissing me, and everything escalated. It was me who was desperately returning his kisses.
It was my moans that wouldn't stop.
It was me who was trembling.
This morning I was firm in my decision, and now I'm lost in his arms again.
I feel his hand in my intimacy, and an implacable fire runs through me.
Suddenly he takes his hand away, and I protested, but he led me to the couch. I was without panties again, but it was his mouth buried in my vagina. I couldn't stop moving. I had an orgasm I didn't know existed. I didn't know something so powerful could be felt in a man's mouth. I didn't even notice when he put on a condom, but this time he did, and he buried himself in me.
It burned me so much that even if I sank in the middle of the ocean, the intense fire I felt wouldn't be extinguished.
We devoured each other like wild animals, I couldn't think of anything other than his kisses and caresses.
I came again, surrounded by incredible ecstasy, and Alejandro did a moment later. I think he was waiting for my second orgasm.
We were both hugging.
"Am I crazy?"
He totally dominates me.
He didn't stop kissing me.
He pulled out of me.
I was scared.
I had fallen at his feet and he knew it.
What could I say to him?
Just as we finished rinsing off, my cell phone rang. It was his father; he had a virtual meeting in the conference room. It was late and we were still at his house.
"I'll let him know, sir."
"There was an accident and traffic is blocked, it's chaos. We'll be there shortly."
He hung up and winked at me.
There it was, the same as always.
I was blushing, because of my attitude. My god, I'm worse than everyone.
We got in the car and reviewed the agenda.
I don't think I looked at him again.
I was still trembling.
How do I quit after what we've been through?
My cell phone rings again, it was Emi.
"Did you quit yet?"
"No... something came up and..."
"Did you sleep with him again?"
"Yes..."
"Are you crazy?"
"I think so."
"You're going to end up crying."
"I know."
"Vale... stay away from him, quit. It doesn't matter about the money, we'll figure it out. Omar likes me, that's why I don't want him around, I don't want to suffer. And Vale, you're completely lost for Alejandro."
"I'm in the car... it's late, I'll call you when I get to the office."
I hung up, not sure how much he heard. Emi talks loudly on the phone.
He takes my chin with one hand and forces me to look at him.
He looks into my eyes, serious.
I'm lost if he heard anything.
He leans in and without saying anything, kisses me on the lips.
I'm trembling.
I'm scared.
He might fire me.
Although earlier he told me he needed me, it must be because he hadn't had me yet.
I feel like crying.
As soon as we arrived, I urgently arranged the conference room. Omar and other executives were there.
The meeting lasted for 2 hours.
I was dazed.
Alejandro was looking at me, and I think he was serious.
Omar was looking at both of us.
Everything felt very heavy.
I smiled like an automaton.
I took notes to review the important points with the recording, the ones I needed to discuss with Alejandro and Omar.
Luckily, the ordeal of that meeting ended.
"What time is Emi coming?" Omar asks me.
Without looking at Alejandro, I tell him she didn't accept.
They both look at me.
"Vale..." Alejandro says.
"Omar, give me a few minutes with Valeria, please."
Omar left and we were alone.
"That's it... now I'll give you my resignation."
I say while my tears keep falling.
"Sweetie... don't quit, please, I wouldn't know what to do without you."
"But you already had me, like you wanted."
"Baby, I'd have you a million more times, but now we're talking about work."
What a terrible blow he just gave me.
"It's best if I quit."
"Why?"
I kept my mouth shut. No way would I tell him it's because I'm in love with him, like a crazy person, with a love so deep it hurts, because I knew it would never be reciprocated.
"You won't be comfortable working with me... and Emi doesn't want to accept either."
"Why? Tell her to come and we'll talk it out, and please don't quit... ever."
He hugs me but with control, not like this morning when he was desperate.
Did he hear anything when I talked to Emi on the phone?
"I'll ask if she wants to come."
"Have her come now."
I knew she had no choice but to come, she was lost. They're powerful and it's not like they would threaten her, but they would convince her.
I called and asked her to come, she arrived an hour later.
Does she know I'm in love with him?
So much time hiding my secret.
Since the return trip on the plane, I realized it was becoming very difficult to say no to him.
I don't even want to imagine when I have to pull a woman out of his bed.
I'm suffering in advance.
I'm vulnerable to his love.
The worst part is that sooner or later, despite what he says now, it will be him who fires me.