Hanging on a thread

Meredith’s POV:

I’m in my bedroom, after showering and pulling on oversized shirt and shorts, after breakfast which Dixon cooked. My hair is on top of my head in a messy bun. I took my sweet time in the bathroom where I do most of my thinking. Anastasia came to me as a mother who would swallow all her sophistication and class to please her son. Which is not a bad thing. I am sure my mother would do the same if I was in Conrad's place.

“I hope you are not going out on a date with him like that.” My brother’s voice catches me off guard as I cut my pancake.

“Go away.” I snap my eyes at him.

“I can do that.” He shrugs and darts his eyes on the opposite direction. "I don't think he can."

"Huh?"

"Hi, Meredith."

Fuck it, I jump. It’s him and Dixon saw him, he allowed him access without telling me. Conrad stood in the doorway, clutching a bunch of red roses in his hand. I have to stop myself from visibly reacting. My heart catapults into my mouth at speed suddenly, as nervousness I have never known around him envelopes me. I pull myself to sit and tighten the hair bobble on top of my head. Averting my eyes.

“Roses for you.”

“I am going now,” Dixon whistled. "More pancakes over here."

I heard him talk once again, “thanks bro.”

Bro? Since when did they become buddies?

“Why would I want to do that?” I murmur, torn between being hurt and mad at him and not knowing how to behave anymore. Right now, my entire body is only too aware that what I am feeling is directly connected to knowing I like him.

“I don’t know, maybe because it’s beautiful?” He smiles my way, voice remorseful and eyes a little soft. I catch his eye and glance away shyly, completely freaking out with how not normal this feels and how crazily cute he is when he’s this way.

“Maybe but not enough to forget what happened yesterday.” I whisper, resisting the urge to recoil. I don’t want to appear like I am making a fuss with it. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Conrad made himself comfy and approached me in the counter. Thank God, he did not come in the same state that his mother came.

“Don’t stay mad at me. I hate it when you’re pissed at me.” His husky, deep voice is even lower today, gentle, and somehow even more devastating to me as he tilts his face tantalizingly close. I can smell everything good about him, and my heart lurches in pain, making me immediately claustrophobic.

“I’m not mad, what made you say that? Do I look like I care if some woman barges at me and tells me to stay away from her man?” My voice breaks, “no. I don’t think that’s appropriate since I don’t have the right to do so.”

“What’s wrong then? You’re acting weird as hell if you’re not sulking. Didn’t you sleep well?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired, we had drinks last night. Me and Dixon. Here.” I reply flatly. I am not sure how else to explain the weird way I know I am behaving. It’s like I have lost all ability to even talk to him anymore or why I bother explaining.

“Can we just start over?”

“And risk getting called out in public again?... I can’t. It’s fucking with my head.” I blurt out insanely.

“Billy is…we fooled around, nothing serious. Hang on, what did she tell you?” Conrad frowns hard at me and moves in closer.

“Nothing; I think you should go ... I don’t feel well, and I need to lie down.” I stammer, trying to cool my body and calm my breathing from this hormonal overdrive that has erupted inside me, but his gaze only intensifies.

“But how about our dinner?”

“Some other time, maybe?”

He looks wounded, moving a step closer as he scrutinizes my face, but all I can do is stop him with a flat palm to his chest. I can’t have him touching me, not anymore, I have to remind myself what I am supposed to do with him.

“Please?”

“I can’t. Please don’t make me.”

“This doesn’t make sense, what do you want me to do? I will do it to prove that I am serious.” He half smiles, half frowns with the question, looking down at the splayed hand on his chest and sliding it away by covering my fingers in his and yanking me towards him. “Stop being weird and come here.” He laughs, shaking his head at me, and moves to pull me closer, just like how he did to me on our first date.

“You can’t touch me like that anymore...It’s not right...when Billy…” I was making the move.

“What are you talking about? Are you really this upset with me? I’m sorry.”

“I like you too.”

“Okay... You said that ....does that mean?”

“That means you have to sort your wrinkles. I don’t want to go out with you fearing that Billy might be there and give her the opportunity to call me out in public. I do not deserve that, Conrad.”

I guess he definitely got it.

Meanwhile, my heart is crashing in my chest, undecided if it’s going for nervous, scared, terrified, or heartbroken. Either way, I have to put my freedom and Dixon’s from Gustav. I could find love some other time.

“My mother is dealing with her now.”

A fucking red flag. He is a self-made billionaire but his personal affairs are still handled by his mother. This man is not even a red flag, he is the fucking flag pole! I am very tempted to laugh hysterically in his face and rub it in his ass that he’s nothing but a spoiled son who had to rely on his mother to get her a suitable date and now to fix his loose ends.

“I need you to go.” I know it’s the only thing I can ask of him for my own sanity. If there had been any fairytale realization he has the same feelings, he would have come out with it.

“But…”

“Please go. I will tell Anastasia that the dinner is cancelled.”

He hangs around by the door and seems unsure if he should stay or go.