Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen Caleb HoldingHope feels so right, but her story has my mind racing. I lost my mom young too,but to cancer—not drugs. I can't imagine the fear she must have felt each timeher mother brought some stranger home to get high with her. Hearing that shewould have to fight some men off or hide outside in the dark breaks my heart. Hopetold me that her only option is to leave with Nathan and start over somewherenew and my new mission in life is to convince her that she has more options. Theproblem with my situation is that I have no idea what her options are. I knowhe needs to get back to school and he needs a home he can feel safe in, butright now I understand the predicament Hope's in since her mom is now back inthe picture. If she calls Child Services on her mother, she runs the risk thatthey'll pull Nathan from her and put him in foster care. She's young and stillliving in her mom's home so it would be a tough sell to convince a socialworker that she'd be the best placement for him. Ifher mother has figured out that Nathan is back, she'll want him simply for theaid that she can get from the government which will help fund her drug habit. Iunderstand all of that yet I just can't support her fleeing with him. Maybe it'sa selfish move on my part because I can't stand the thought of her disappearingfrom my life. We have to figure out a better way. "Youdon't understand, Caleb. We can't stay here because I'm basically kidnappinghim and I don't want to drag you into this. It's bad enough as it is." I watch as she runs her hand along my chestin a repetitive trail as she detaches herself from my involvement. "Doyou really think I'm just going to let you walkout of my life? I'm already involved Hope." I run my hand down her hair and along herback. I need to talk to my sister. This is her area of specialty but right nowit's almost midnight and I don't want to talk to her in front of Hope incasethe news is bad. "I'll talk to my sister tomorrow and see if there's anythingshe can do." "No,Caleb. I don't want to get anymore of your family wrapped up in this. Just letme go. When she disappears again I can come back." "Go? Go where, Hope? There's no way you can pick up and move alittle boy across the state and start over. How are you going to feed him? Where are you going to stay? You don't even have a car." I can feel the hopelessness that she must befeeling when she sighs and doesn't answer my questions. "Just let me thinkabout this a little bit. I'll figure it out in the morning." That might be the first lie I've told her. Whenmy hand brushes across her forehead again I feel the blood that's now drying onher head. "Let's get you in the shower and clean up your scrapes. It's too lateto do anything about your situation tonight." Gathering her into my arms, I carry her into the bathroom and lock thedoor behind us. Slowly I remove her clothing being careful not to hurt heralready bruising skin. I turn on the shower and wait until the steam fills theroom before I take my clothes off and move us into the hot stream of water. Iwatch as the dark blood turns pink and washes away. I help her soap up her bodyand rinse the shampoo from her hair. She looks so defeated it makes some primalneed inside me rise to protect her and fix this horrible situation. I quicklysoap up and rinse off so that we can get out before the water runs cold. Ishould have thought to get her some things today but my thoughts were sofocused on Nathan, her needs had slipped my mind. It won't happen again. Ifind Hope a large shirt and she slips it on insisting that it's all she needsto sleep in. I'm not going to argue. "Is it ok if we sleep in the same bed withhim here?" I ask, hoping she won't make me sleep away from her. "It'sfine. We're always sharing beds because I'm so afraid. I don't think he'llthink anything of it at his age." That'sexactly the answer I was hoping for. I pull the covers back and she climbs in,turning in my direction once I get in on my side. I put my hand on her hip andpull her flush against me, pressing a soft kiss on her mouth. Slidingmy hand into her hair, I tip her head to deepen the kiss and love the way shebrings her hand up to rest on my chest. I want so badly to fix this for her andgive us the time we need to make this relationship continue to grow. Tonight myhands are tied and that causes a panic to lay right under the surface. I mightnot be able to solve everything before the sun comes up, but I can show her howmuch I love her in the dark hours before it rises.