Chapter 54 Keeping Secrets
I couldn't sleep. My head is spinning with so many confusing thoughts. All of them have to do with my future. Only it's not only my future on the line. I'm also responsible for my sisters.
I try to push the picture of Mom and Dad looking down at me the morning of my 16th birthday. "We are so proud of you, Josie! You will take care of your little sisters, won't you pumpkin?" Dad asked placing a soft kiss on my head.
"Of course, Daddy! Just don't be late tonight," I sigh in resignation. I'd been so excited to have my party, but Mom and Dad had been notified they had a meeting after practice.
"We wouldn't miss it, little star. We love you so much. Just remember, we need you to take care of your little sisters. They look up to you. Even Liv, whether or not she'll admit it. You are such a good big sister," Mom hugged me, tucking my pretty necklace in my shirt.
I don't think they would know the pressure they put on me that day. Since then, I've done every damn thing just to keep my sisters safe and away from my evil 'family.'
However that isn't the only thing that's on my mind right now. Mom and Dad are ghosts that will haunt me for the rest of my life, but there are two other individuals that have my mind and heart at war with each other.
There was no way to close my eyes and not see that look in Rick's eyes when he kissed my sister, just to get me to admit I had feelings for him.
Well, he's right, okay! I do have feelings for him. Why the hell does he think messing with me like this is the only solution? It's not! It hurts like hell.
But at the same time I thought I had feelings for James and see what that turned out! My feelings for James are not the same as Rick. I don't know if I've ever been 'in love' with James. It's more like security, knowing he will be able to give us a home away from Beth and Jay.
Well, technically it hasn't ended. It would have if he hadn't begged for another chance. I don't know why the hell I said yes, because Rick was right again. Once he lost my trust, it's like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm almost waiting for him to fail so I have a reason to break up with him at this point.
There was something in the way Rick looked when I asked him about it. I'm sure he knows something, but he just doesn't want me to find out. Why won't he just tell me? He hates the man! I'm sure it would be no big thing for him to just dump everything and take me away from all this damn pressure to pick between the two of them. This is really hell.
“He’s lying to you, baby. I hate what he’s doing to you and you are letting him. You deserve so much more than him,” he practically growled. I wanted to ask him so many questions when he made the statement. How did he know? Was he lying just to put doubt in my heart? Was he just being selfish? I just don't understand any of Rick's riddles lately.
I was confused. Did he know something I didn't? Was he keeping secrets from me? If he really is keeping secrets, how the hell does he expect me to ever trust him? I need him to be completely honest with me. I never want to go through anything like I did with James again.
He had been trying to convince me to ditch James. But I really didn't understand any of it. Well, scratch that. I'm sure he would do anything in his power to get me to come to him... But he called James a liar.
“What about James?" I asked, completely distracted by his lips caressing my skin. I really needed answers, and I knew damn well he didn't want to answer my questions. He did know what he was doing, I'll give him that. He had me all hot and needy.
I wanted to touch him, but I couldn't. I refuse to do anything under this roof that could be used against me. This is not my home, and until I have one, I'm not going to let a man touch me. I need to know I will be safe before I give a man my heart and my body.