Chapter 202 My Truth
"Now, can you release the cramp in your shoulders?" He says, rolling his own shoulders away from his ears.
That one is a little harder. But little by little, my shoulders come down from my ears. I try to roll them the same way he does, but it's a stilted action. I don't know if I'll be able to relax them completely, but they are a little looser.
"That's good. Just like that. Now try to relax your back, sweetheart. Picture releasing tension through each of your vertebra. You are doing just fine," he assures me. "Keep the steady breathing, nice and slow."
I close my eyes and visualize my spine uncurling from the ball I'm in. It takes a few minutes, but it works. I focus on releasing tension that has my spine locking me in place like a freaking cage in my own body.
"So good, Charlie. Now, the hardest part, you need to release the cramp in your stomach. Just let it go. Big breath in, and release the cramp with your exhale," he instructs.
With a deep breath, I release all the tension swimming around in my gut. I'm still shaky, but I'm not taut. I feel much looser, and maybe a little lightheaded. But I'm not panicking, and that is huge for me. No one has ever shown me how to do that. I normally pass out in my room after a panic attack and come back to myself hours later.
I blink my teary eyes up at him. "H-how did you le-learn how t-to do that?" I stutter. I want to slap myself for being able to talk like a normal person, but he doesn't seem to mind.
Trent gives me a gentle smile. "I told you, Charlie. You are not the only one with panic attacks. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for years. He taught me some breathing technics," he explains. "How are you feeling now?"
I breathe in, still trembling, but nothing is cramping up. "Better," I admit.
"Good. I'm not going to touch you, Charlie. You can kick me out if you want to. That is fine! You tell me what you need," Trent reassures me.
I swallow through the thick emotions. He's willing to leave if I ask him to. No one has ever even offered something like that. But that isn't what I need right now.
"Don't leave me... I don't want to be alone right now," I mumble.
Trent nods his head. "I won't leave you, Angel." Then he looks at me with uncertainty in his eyes. "Did... Did I do something wrong? I need you to tell me so I can avoid it in the future."
How do I explain this? I want to tell him, but what will he think when he finds out the truth? Will he call me a filthy slut like Uncle Jay?
"I-it wasn't you, Trent," I whimper.
"Tell me," he asks softly. "Charlie, tell me. You don't have to tell me everything, but I want to help you," he whispers.
I can see it, the honesty in his eyes.
"M-my U-uncle Jay... H-he would," I swallow around the words. "He would r-rape me," I whisper, expecting to see disgust on his face. But he keeps his face blank and gives me an encouraging nod. Only a flash of fury crosses his eyes. He doesn't reach for me, and more importantly, he doesn't get up and leave me.
Maybe I can trust him with my secret.
"About a year ago... I f-found out I was pr-pregnant. H-He was furious and beat me unconscious. He took me to the clinic for an abortion," I state, all the while watching for his reactions.
His jaw ticks, but other than that, he doesn't move. I can see his fists curl in his lap, but he sits there. "Go ahead, sweetheart," he swallows hard.
"Aunt Beth never knew... She was too busy with Josie to know what her husband was doing," I swallow.
"When Rick took us to live with him, I was so happy..." I choke, my lower lip trembling. "He couldn't touch me anymore. B-but yesterday, he left a letter under my door. I don't know how he found me, but he has. And he's watching me! I can't tell Josie or Rick. I can't let her stress about this," I mumble.
"Charlie, I'm so fucking sorry for what he did to you. But I swear, I would never hurt you like that," He whispers. "Right now, I want to go beat the shit out of him. But I'm more worried about leaving you here."
"I know. Can I..." I don't know how to ask him what I need.
"What do you need, Angel?" he asks gently. "Just tell me."
"Can you hold me?"
Trent doesn't even blink. Slowly, he slides closer to me, giving me a chance to stop him. But I don't.
He reaches out to my hand first. He places my hand over his heart, slowly sliding his hand up my arm. Carefully pulling me into his arms. I can feel him shaking in rage, but he doesn't release me. He just nuzzles my neck, breathing me in.
He doesn't say anything. He just holds me as I sob into his chest, releasing years of abuse I've kept locked inside me.
And he lets me.