Chapter 192 Letter
I acted irrationally. I didn't give him the chance to explain. I just assumed... I assumed he was just another guy who only saw me as something to hurt. That's all I've ever known.
I shudder thinking about Jay. He had taught me to assume the worst in people. Planted little seeds of doubt. "Why would anyone want you, Charlie? Just look at you! You're a filthy little slut! All you are good for is you little pussy... and that belongs to me!"
It never worked on my sisters though. No matter what he said, I always knew Josie and Liv loved me... Well, Liv tends to be a bit of a princess and excepts me to bow to her, but she still loves me.
Jay did a number on my self-esteem though. I'm so damn... weak! I have scars that can never heal. He fucking broke me. Any shred of self-worth, he tore it down, made me think I was nothing! He made me feel absolutely helpless.
So, when I saw Trent, the only thing I could do was run. I'm not strong enough to stand up to conflict. I'm not brave enough to stand up for myself, not when I don't know the intentions of others.
"You're so stupid, Charlie! This is all your fault!" I groan.
I can't get that look on his face out of my mind. He looked... vulnerable and hurt. He wanted to reach out to me, but I flinched away from him. Suddenly scared of his touch.
"What was I supposed to do?" I demand to myself.
"I should've grown a fucking backbone!" I snarl in response. "I shouldn't have let Melissa push me away like that! I should've believed him when he told me it wasn't his fault!"
Oh, great! Now I'm answering myself!
I pull up to my apartment and just sit in the car.
I'm shaking and my tears haven't stopped flowing down my face.
"It's fine! He's giving you the time you need to settle down!" I whisper softly.
He didn't want to. I saw the reluctance on his face. He looked like it was killing him not to argue back. But he didn't. He stepped away!
"What do you want?" I had asked.
"You," was his simple answer. The thing was, I could see it. In his eyes, the honesty of the response ripped me apart.
It went against everything Jay ever told me. That I was worthless and no one would ever want me. I was just a little bitch that needed to be taught a lesson.
"You don't deserve to be happy, Charlie. You are a dirty little girl, and no one will ever want you, let alone love you. You are mine!" Jay snarled in my ear.
However, that look on Trent's face said he was wrong. He looked like I was worth it.
I shake my head. "I just need to clear my head," I whisper to the wind.
I grab my bag and push through my door.
My head is spinning in circles. Why can't I just push all the negative thoughts from my mind? Why can't I just believe that I'm worth it for once?
My feet make their way slowly to my door. I don't even remember crossing the parking lot. I just focused on my feet.
I grab my key and turn the lock on my door.
I push my door open and turn on my light and close the door.
I lean my forehead against the door, closing my eyes. I just breathe. "Breathe Charlie," I admonish myself. "You're fine. Trent isn't Uncle Jay."
When my heartbeat seems to calm down, I pull away from the door and freeze.
How did I not notice the white envelope under my feet? And why is it here in the first place? My mailbox is down in the office!
My stomach starts to turn in knots as I lower myself to the floor. With shaky hands I reach out for the blank envelope and slide my nail beneath the adhesive.
I bleed. Papercut. But my mind is already shutting down and I can't feel it.
I pull out the folded paper and immediately recognize the chicken scratch.
My heart picks up again and my hands tremble as I read:
You think you are safe?
You think you can leave me?
You are wrong.
You belong to me.
Soon, I'll be coming to collect you, and no one will come to your rescue.
My breath catches and the tears I just got under control come back to life as I double over and sob into the ground.
How did he find me?