Chapter 170 Nightmare
We were setting up for Josie's 16th birthday part when the police showed up. Mom and Dad were in a car accident, and we had to move with Aunt Beth and Uncle Jay. As if losing my parents in one night was not bad enough...
But that was the only beginning of my nightmare. One I wish I could wash from my memory as easily as I washed away the blood. But I can't. They still linger, ready at any moment to pop back into my head when I'm most vulnerable.
Because Uncle Jay is keeping secrets. Secrets Aunt Beth doesn't even know about. And I'm not sure what the hell she'd do with me if she ever found out. So many ways he can spin a tale, making his wife believe it was MY fault, when it sure as hell wasn't.
And while I would love for him to be put away, I'm scared to death what everyone would do when they find out. Would he hurt me again? Could he still get to me when I'm away from Josie and Rick?
The thought sends a shiver of dread running through my spine. My stomach is sick with possibilities. I'm leaving to go to school to get away from Echo Ridge Pass and all its darkness. What will happen if he finds out I'm alone?
Since Uncle Jay touched me, I've been having a hard time with normal relationships with boys. Not that I don't want to have a normal relationship. I do! I just don't know if it's possible! Every time a guy touches me, I flinch. I tried to hide it, but it's just a reflex.
Even Rick! He's a good guy, and now my brother-in-law. I know he's noticed; he's even subtly asked me about it. But I just can't tell him! As much as I wish I could, I know it's better just to keep my mouth shut around him.
I know damn well if I told Rick, he would tell Josie. And Jos has enough to worry about with her baby on the way. I just want her to be happy and carefree. She deserves happiness and not worrying about my past trauma.
I've considered seeking out a doctor, but I don't know what I would tell everyone when they started asking... And like I said, I hate lying.
I've been trying to deal with the trauma on my own. I don't know how it's going, to be honest. But I'm not like Josie. I haven't tried to...
I blink and push back the memory of my sister covered in blood. She's better now! She's seeing a doctor and I've honestly never seen her happier than she is now! I want to leave it that way if possible.
She's fine and she's about to have a baby! The doctor said she is due in about 3 weeks. And I couldn't be more excited.
I think after everything that this family has been through, a little bit of happiness is exactly what is needed. I know I sure as hell wish I could have just a little bit of sunshine in my soul right now. I hate the darkness that keeps creeping inside me.
I wish I could have a baby. But I don't even know if I'm capable of it or not. Not after what I've been through. Maybe I'll grow up to be a cat lady... or maybe adopt?
First off, to actually have a baby I would have to have a man in my life. Then I'd have to be okay with his touch. And not just touch... I'd have to-
I blink away my uncle's dark eyes leering down at me from my mind. If I ever find a boy who could even tolerate me, he would not be able to have brown eyes. It would trigger something dark inside me.
Then again, Josie was put through hell. Maybe I can be strong like her. Not that I'm planning on having a baby any time soon! I'm only 19, and I have plenty of time to grow up and find my place in the world.
I sigh as I look at the clock. It's just after midnight. I need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day. I know I'm going to be a wreck, and with Josie's emotions going off the walls, I'm going to have to keep positive.
I'm going to miss my family. I'm not even going far away. Just to college. But it's still two hours from home. Hopefully far enough away I can hide and not look like I'm hiding.
I've been getting used to this place being home, and now I'm leaving it. But it's for the best. I have to believe I'm doing the right thing.