Chapter 161 Coming Home
He started at the beginning, and I'm surprised I forgot so much. But then again, the doctor did say my mind was probably protecting me, and I guess I'm okay with that. What he had told me didn't seem like anything I want to remember right now anyway. Also, I don't know if I'd be able to handle it.
He told me James kidnapped me, and he raped me. He also told me his father kidnapped Liv, and I went to save her, only I ended up getting kidnapped again. He told me I was forced to dance. He never went into detail, which I appreciate. I really don't need to know the nitty gritty.
He also informed me that the reason I'm here is because I tried to kill myself. At this point, he was a mess and couldn't hold back his tears. I held him through his pain and told him how sorry I was.
But I have no memory of it. I have no idea why I decided to end it, especially when it seemed like I should've been getting better. I guess I will never know if my memory stays locked away from me.
I'm not sure how I feel about this information. On the one hand, I feel angry at myself, but on the other hand, I feel like it happened to someone else, and even if it did happen to someone other than me, I was still pissed that they did it.
Grant brought Charlie and Liv to visit me too. I didn't realize how much I missed them until the second they came through the door and threw their arms around me.
They also sobbed and made me promise them I'd never do anything like that. Well, I have no intention of trying to kill myself again. I must not have been in my right mind if I had decided it would be easier than living.
Everyone in the hospital was super supportive and kind. Sometimes if feels like they are tiptoeing around me, worried I'll freak out. But so far, I seem pretty normal.
I think part of that is the medication that seems to have stabilized my moods. I don't know how to express it other than the fact that the pills they gave me grounded me. The doctor made sure the medicine I take would not affect the baby.
But most of it was Rick. He's been my anchor in all of this. He was the one I could yell at when I was feeling bitchy and he wouldn't even flinch!
"Just get it out, baby. I know you're frustrated," he would whisper into my ear as he held me in his arms. "You can use me anyway you need to."
Today I get to go home! They even had a 'graduation' for me, and I got a piece of cake and cards from the doctors and nurses who worked with me. They all gave me encouraging messages. It made me feel good.
Rick wraps his arm around my waist. "Are you ready?" He asks softly.
It feels like it's been so long since I've been home. I don't even remember when I left! I can't remember anything after James had kidnapped me other than the fact I was pregnant. And that seems like so long ago!
I nod my head and he presses a soft kiss to my head. The weather seems to be warming up now. It's not as cold, but the wind is a bit nippy. I lean into his arms and let him warm me.
Then he helps me up the steps. It's been so long I actually forgot how many there are.
The moment I push through the door, my whole family shouts surprise!
Love and happiness envelope me as I look around at all the faces I've been missing. Faces that could've been lost to me because I had decided to give up. I promise myself; I'm never going to put my family through that again.
I didn't know why the hell my throat suddenly decided to close up on me. Or why my eyes are all blurry with tears!
But I'm so happy right now.
My sisters run up to me and wrap me in their arms. "Welcome home, Jos!" Charlie squeals.
"We missed you!" Liv bawls. "You left us alone! You can't do that again!"
One by one, Hailey, Grant, Sean, Brent, and Jeff come up to me giving me a hug, welcoming me home. I'm surprised to see my dad's sister and her husband here. I haven't seen them in years, and I almost didn't recognize them.
They pulled me into their arms and hugged me. It's been years since I was allowed to see them. I missed them.
Jeff brought out a double layer chocolate cake!
We spent hours just spending time together. I don't know when I've felt so happy and stable. Like nothing can ever hurt me again.