Chapter 119 Cold
I'm cold.
My entire body is shivering. I'm pretty damn sure every cell in my body is frozen in place. There can't be any blood pumping through my veins. I think I'm dead... Or maybe I am just hoping I'm dead. But it isn't just from the cold.
I blocked James out hours ago. I haven't spoken a word. I don't think I've even blinked. My eyes are focused on the snowdrift out the cracked window. It's pretty. It's quiet. It's cold.
I'm cold.
Every follicle seems frozen in ice. I wonder if I would sparkle in the moonlight. I bet I'll make in interesting corps. Maybe they will have to use a chainsaw to cut through my skin. Then again, they might not find me. And if they do, it might just be easier to incinerate my remains.
Then I won't be cold anymore.
But I'm cold now.
That is the only thing my brain is sure of. I'm fucking freezing to death. I don't have anything to cover my body with, and the longer I lay like this, I'm sure my heart is ready to just give up the ghost.
I wonder if it's possible to will your heart to stop beating. I don't think I want my heart to keep working. It's already been broken too many damn times. And this last one I did to myself.
I don't want to think of the rest of my body. I don't want to look. I don't want to feel. I don't want to acknowledge its existence. I want it to disappear and then I can float away like a little intelligence bubble.
By some miracle, my mind has switched off all other sensory input. And all I know is I'm cold. Cold is good. Cold it constant. It doesn't feel anything. It just is. It doesn't' care if you are sad or happy. It doesn't care if you are begging it to take you away. It can. And if I'm stuck here for much longer, I may get my wish.
I wonder what I would have been doing at home. Would I be cuddled up in bed, wrapped in a million blankets, snuggled up to Rick after fucking me senseless. He hasn't been able to let me sleep without thoroughly pounding into me. I'm pretty sure he's trying for a multiple pregnancy... Maybe someone should tell him that isn't how it works... Buthe can keep trying if it makes him feel better.
I wonder if Charlie got her assignment done. I know she's been stressing about it lately. She has been working so hard for her scholarship... I don't think she needs it any longer. I know Rick would be happy to help pay for her schooling. But I think she thinks she has something to prove. Like if she can't do it on her own, she doesn't deserve it or something stupid like that... I really need to talk to her and see what the hell is going on with her.
I wonder if Olivia actually went out with that asshole after I told her not to. She might be such a brat she'd go out with him just to spite me. She doesn't understand I'm only trying to help her. There is something wrong with the kid. The boy too!
I wonder if Rick will ever realize I had been kidnapped and not just left. I suppose is Sean or Grant had been out on watch, maybe they would've seen something. Then again, he's got that huge security system. So maybe he saw it for himself? I know if he saw someone kidnap me there would be no chance, he wouldn't be looking for me... So, is he looking for me?
I left him fumbling around upstairs with that skank. He tried to call out to me and stop me. But I didn't listen to him. I was too emotional to think straight. I should've walked up and slapped them both, kicked the skank out and demanded answers! That was my home now! I had every damn right to know why the hell she thought she could come in and steal what was mine!
I wonder if the girls have had dinner yet. I know Jeff had been making something in the kitchen when I came in from work. It was warm and the savory flavor floated through the air, following up the stairs. I was excited about eating whatever creating he was making.
My stomach rumbles, reminding me I haven't had a damn thing to eat in hours. If I close my eyes, maybe I can recall the scent. It was something savory, and buttery... Maybe a chicken. Too bad I can't even fucking blink. My eyes are still on the slow snowdrift. I seriously think my eyelids are frozen open.