Chapter 74 To Move On
When Arden left, I found my soul going along with him.
When he was gone, I was no longer myself. My world became empty, everything became meaningless. In fact, I didn’t want to accept a world in which he was absent.
“Arden is gone, Alyssa. Come on, he is not the last man on earth.” My high school friend, Mia, who knew about my feelings, tried to advise me.
But, since when are feelings in our control?
“To me, he is, Mia. I don’t want a world in which he is not present.”
It had been 2 years since he left but my heart hadn't moved on. In fact, I refused to look at anyone.
“You’re crazy for a guy who doesn’t even love you back.” Mia sighed loudly.
We were catching up in a cafe and while she talked about life, career, stability, all on my mind was Arden.
“If it was in my control, I would have killed those feelings the day they arrived. I can’t, Mia. I just can’t.” I whispered, trying to make her understand.
“And you’re going to waste your whole life for a guy who doesn’t love you back and won’t return?” She scoffed, pissed off when I was struck at one point.
“Who knows…?”
I couldn’t help but to smile emptily that made her gasp in disbelief and glare at me.
“You’re unbelievable, Alyssa.” Her mouth opened and scolded me again but upon seeing the melancholia in my eyes, she stopped.
“Trust me, one day, you will find someone much better than Arden.”
She took a deep breath, trying to be optimistic and I couldn’t say: ‘If it wasn't him, then what’s the point? I don’t want better.’
“Someone who will cherish you and he will be all yours. One day, you definitely will.”
“And then?”
“Huh?”
“And then what if Arden comes back? Will I be with the man who loves me or the man I love? What if I see him and everything… returns?” I mindlessly ask, only thinking about the day Arden would return.
“Don’t be ridiculous. None of this is going to happen. Arden is a chapter of the past. Forget about it.” She advised me.
Without noticing that my fingers were already tracing the lips he kissed with a beautiful smile on my lips, consider that time the most gratifying moment of my life.
Though I won’t deny, she was right.
I met Ken.
Ken was present. He listened. He remembered my favorite coffee order and the way I would go quiet when a certain song played.
“For how long will you keep trying?” I asked sadly when Ken offered me a flower crown and I rejected it, trying not to give him any fake hopes.
“I have a long life ahead of me.” He chuckled, placing the flower crown on my head, and glanced with a beautiful grin.
“You tell me, how long will you deny your feelings for me?”
For a year, he stood in the doorway of my heart, never forcing his way in but always keeping the light on.
“Ah, how many times will you break my heart?” Ken chuckled, placing a cup of coffee beside me when I was studying for a test.
“Maybe after this exam too.” I chuckled.
At that point, I began to enjoy it too. His words, his presence, his talks, things gradually began to take colors again.
He treated my lingering sadness not as a burden, but as a story he wanted to help rewrite. Eventually, the walls I built to protect Arden’s memory began to crumble.
“Will you be my girlfriend, Alyssa?”
This was his fifth confession. He expected rejection, he expected apologies. In fact, he was already planning the sixth proposal.
But, to his unexpectedness, I smiled and took the flower, staring at him in mesmerization as I kissed the petals, tears filling my eyes.
“I would love to, Ken.”
I thought it was fate, that I was meant to be with Ken. I thought it was her second chance and wholeheartedly gave my all to Ken.
I was happy. Truly, deeply happy.
The void that Arden had left was no longer an empty hole.
My life was once again filled with the laughter, plans, and the quiet security of a man who looked at me like I was his entire world.
Or, at least I thought so.
"He’s not who he pretends to be, Alyssa," my father warned, his voice tight with frustration during a Sunday dinner when I announced our wedding.
"He isolates you. He questions every move you make. Take over your assets. Can't you see the red flags?" Father snarled, completely against this.
“You just don't want me to be happy!”
I slammed my fork down, the sound echoing through the tense dining room. I had wasted three years chasing Arden’s memories, I couldn’t carry the weight of it anymore.
I needed redemption.
“You want me to stay that broken girl who needs to rely on her family that marries her to whatever loser they will find.”
“Ken ‘is’ a loser, girl!”
“Ken saved me! He’s the only one who stayed! He makes me happy! He loves me!” I argued, my voice breaking, on the very of crying.
My mother reached for my hand, her eyes swimming with pity.
“Honey, we just want you to be safe. Love shouldn't feel like walking on thorns. Ken has nothing to give you.”
“It’s not love you’re worried about,” I spat, standing up so abruptly my chair screeched against the floor, tears gleaming in my eyes.
“You think I’m blind. You think I’m obsessed. But for the first time in my life, I’m choosing my future.”
“Fine then. If you want to marry him. You must choose.” Father demanded strictly.
And I stupidly choose Ken.
I walked out, ignoring their calls because deep down I knew, I wasn't just fighting for Ken, I was fighting to prove that Arden didn't own me anymore.
I had given my all to Ken, not because he was the right man, but because I was terrified that if I didn't make this work, the silence would let Arden’s name slip back into my mind.
I was so determined to outrun a memory that I had run straight into a nightmare.
Now that he is here again, what if I turn into that 18 year old stupid Alyssa once again?