Chapter 32 Chapter 32
We stepped out of the train. He suddenly stopped walking, so I glanced back at him.
“You know what? I think I know now how to resolve this—let’s just hold each other’s hands so we can avoid fighting. Starting now, whenever we have misunderstandings, just hold me and I’ll hold you. We won’t let go of each other until we’re okay. Okay?”
I stared at him for a long time, overwhelmed with admiration. It was enchanting. How does he tame me like this with just his words? It feels like he’s on my side. That even when we fight, he’s ready to understand me no matter what happens. Is this really happening? It feels unreal.
“Answer, my wife. I need your answer. Do you agree with that? I won’t touch you unless you consent to me doing it,” he mouthed.
My forehead creased. “What are you talking about? Didn’t I already give you the license to touch me whenever you want? We’re already married.”
“You did, but we’re in public, just like what you said earlier. I don’t want you to get mad at me. You’re supposed to enjoy things here, and yet I’m causing you trouble. I apologize. I’ll be better,” he promised, leaving my jaw hanging.
It took me a couple of seconds before I reacted. I was truly speechless. “No, it was my fault. I’m a mess too. I don’t even know why I’m acting like this. I’m sorry if we can’t understand each other. I’m sorry. Instead of working, you’re here on our honeymoon because you want to fulfill your role as my husband. I’m a huge inconvenience to you already. I’m so shameless for being dramatic. I don’t even have the right.”
His forehead wrinkled—he clearly didn’t like what I said. It was the exact same reaction he had earlier when someone touched me and I said it was fine.
"What are you talking about? You see? I think I know where I should adjust myself. You need constant reassurance, my wife. I’ll repeat, I take this marriage as a real one and I'm doing this because I know this is the right thing to do as your husband. I set aside my schedules because I want this also. I wanna know you more. You are not a bother. If I didn’t want this, I shouldn’t have laid beside you. I shouldn’t have agreed. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to end up in this situation. I am a businessman. I know what I'm doing. And you can be yourself when you're with me. You have all the rights to do so. I am not stopping you. Like you, I also want to know our differences and I am not annoyed with you. I am not angry. I yelled at you earlier because you don’t see yourself as someone worthy of anything valuable. I was pissed off at that guy who harassed you. I am suppressed and yet someone will touch you like that? You heard where I'm coming from, right?"
I nodded. This has to be the longest conversation we've had. I thought he’d keep me waiting to hear all of this, yet here he is, explaining everything as if he did not promise to just let him sort things out. I guess he already did. And now I'm being awakened by his words again. Right, of course he’s right. I am the one who needs constant reassurance about everything. Even if I'm smart, I often forget. And the things I forget are why I am an important person in this world. Maybe because I see myself as so small that I also don’t want attention.
"So quit doubting me, my wife. And don’t ever say bad things to yourself. If there is someone who should value you in a way no one else can, it should be you."
He patted my shoulder gently, giving me those words that I had never heard from anyone. I was rendered speechless. With the words coming from his lips, it's obvious he’s an educated man. He knows what should be used and what shouldn’t. He knows what to choose to offer me.
"It’s better to have a high regard for yourself than to be full of doubt and self-belittlement. Those who dream of the heavens reach the end farther than those who always look down. Maybe you won’t be able to move forward anymore if you always keep your head bowed. So lift your head up. Look far, because that’s where we’re headed."
I NEVER THOUGHT someone would tell me that it isn’t bad to dream big. And the person who told me that is the very same one who brought me to the clouds—to the place I used to only dream of. I wasn’t even allowed to dream of it because it was too high. I was even afraid to tell anyone because the person I thought would support me also gave up on me.
Now, here I am in front of the place I used to only see in pictures. I can’t believe I would reach the Colosseum. Its height and size are overwhelming. I can even touch its walls that have stood firm for thousands of years.