Chapter 31 Chapter 31
I just shook my head. Until now, it’s still so easy for her to mention my ex’s name, as if she never saw everything I went through. That’s how foolishly devoted she was to that man. And even when I told her to stop bringing up his name and stop talking to him, she wouldn’t. She would even relay everything I said and planned in my life to Jett.
I shut my eyes and bit my lips in rage. I could feel the trembling and tightness in my chest again. After three years of putting myself back together—three years thinking I was finally okay—I was getting triggered again. I didn’t want to cry; everything was over. But why are the memories still so painfully clear? Is it because I’m smart, so it’s harder for me to forget the things I’ve long wanted to erase from my mind?
All the painful words… they seemed to have taken root deep in my mind and heart. I tried forgiving them so I could let go of the pain, but even if ten more years passed, those painful experiences that scarred me as a person wouldn’t disappear.
I was about to turn off my phone when an unexpected message flashed on my screen. Fuck it. I knew this was going to happen.
From: Jett
I miss you.
–end of message–
My day is completely ruined. It was a terrible idea to even check my notifications. It’s not helping me at all. All I want is to enjoy this trip, but it feels like I’m still not allowed to because, first of all, my past keeps chasing me. Am I still not free? I feel like everything is fucked up now. Hendeix and I aren’t even getting along that well. We were fine a while ago, but why does it feel like my plans are so far from reality?
I completely turned off my phone and hid my tears away. I am so frustrated right now. It feels like all my problems are piled up in front of me, and I even added another one on top of them. What I did is not the answer—marrying someone I don’t even really know. I don’t want to regret it, but I feel like I’m screwing up my life with my decisions.
Is it really that hard for me to be happy?
Am I that difficult to make happy?
I just want something simple… a quiet life, but everything just keeps getting louder.
The train stopped at Colosseo Station. I gently tapped Hendeix to wake him up. He looked up at me softly, like a gentle lamb. And in that moment, I felt my anger melt away. Especially because he didn’t break eye contact.
“What’s with you? Is there something on my face?” I snapped.
“Phenomenal beauty.”
I frowned and moved away from him. “What are you even saying? Come on, let’s get off.”
I stood up, but he suddenly grabbed my waist and pulled me back toward him, making me face him.
“Why are you so moody? Are you still mad at me?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not mad at you. You were the one mad at me earlier. Why does your mood keep changing? Now you’re all calm again. I don’t get you. I can’t keep up.”
I was shocked when he touched my lips in front of people. There were still passersby glancing at us before continuing down the stairs, but my attention snapped back to Hendeix. Now, his face was serious again. What is wrong with this man?! I can’t read him anymore!
“You know what? I know how to stop this cold war between us… We can fix this with a passionate kiss, but I am suppressing myself because I don’t want you to hate me. I promised I wouldn't start anything because I don’t want you fainting again. You know how unstoppable we are, my wife. I might touch you after kissing you and we’ll go viral if we do that. And you don’t even like attention.”
He slurped the thumb he brushed against my lips. I swallowed hard, and at that moment, I could say—he’s right. The sexual tension between us could definitely dissolve the heated argument we had earlier. Are we acting this way simply because we're deprived of what our bodies want? But because of the way he sucked on his finger, I felt something strange again. And at that moment, my irritation over our situation faded.
“For now, let’s get out and visit what you want. Let’s have dinner, and later we’ll talk just like you want. Just give me time to sort things out. I promise I’ll explain everything later. Hmm?” he suggested pleadingly. I just nodded as he studied my eyes, which couldn’t break away from his gaze. How does he do this? He learned so quickly how to pull me back to my senses. Did he try to irritate me just to see my limits? And in the end, lower himself like this?