Chapter 75
Elara
We both turned.
My chest tightened.
Sloane stood at the other end of the corridor. Cream coat. File folder in her hands. Perfect as always.
When she saw us together, her eyes went wide. Just for a second. Then she smiled.
But I'd seen that first reaction. The surprise. The displeasure.
"Julian." She walked over. Her heels clicking on the polished floor. She looked at him. Only him. I might as well not have existed. "What are you doing here?"
"Taking Elara for a checkup."
His voice was neutral. Flat. The same tone he used in business meetings.
Sloane's gaze flicked to me. Quick. Assessing. Then back to him.
"I'm here for a checkup too."
Her hand moved to her stomach. The gesture was small. Unconscious.
Everything in me went cold.
No. No no no.
"Julian, I..."
Sloane's smile changed. Became shy. Hopeful. Her eyes bright.
"I think I'm pregnant."
The words hung in the air.
I looked at Julian. Watched his face.
Waited for his reaction.
This was what he wanted. What he'd always wanted. A baby with Sloane. The perfect family. The perfect life.
He should be happy. Excited. Something.
But his face went blank.
Completely blank.
His eyes were empty. Like all the light had gone out of them.
He didn't smile. Didn't speak.
Just stood there.
Five seconds passed. Then ten.
I counted them. Watched him.
Sloane's smile started to falter. The brightness in her eyes dimmed.
"Julian?" Her voice was smaller now. Uncertain. "Aren't you... happy?"
He blinked. Like he was coming back from somewhere far away.
"Of course."
The words came out flat. Automatic. Like he was reading from a script.
"I'm just surprised."
But there was nothing in his voice. No warmth. No joy. Nothing.
I stared at him. This wasn't right.
In my past life, he'd said it over and over. "The only child I'll ever have will be with Sloane."
He'd said it to me. When I was pregnant with Lily. When I begged him to acknowledge her.
"Get rid of it. The only child I'll ever have will be with Sloane."
So why did he look like this?
Like someone had just told him something he didn't want to hear.
Sloane was watching him too. I saw confusion cross her face. Hurt.
"Are you sure?" Julian asked.
His voice was careful. Controlled.
"I bought a pregnancy test." Sloane held up the folder. Her hand was shaking slightly. "I was about to take it. Will you... come with me?"
Julian glanced at me.
Our eyes met.
For one second, I saw something in his face. Something I couldn't name.
Then it was gone.
He looked back at Sloane. Nodded. "Of course."
He moved toward her. Put his arm around her shoulders.
She leaned into him. Relief on her face.
He turned to me. "Atlas will take you home."
I nodded. Couldn't speak. My throat was too tight.
I watched them walk away together. Sloane's body pressed against his side. Her head tilted toward him. Talking softly.
Julian's arm around her was stiff.
His movements were mechanical.
Wrong.
Everything about it was wrong.
---
Atlas drove in silence. I sat in the back seat. Watched the city slide past.
My mind kept replaying the scene.
Sloane's announcement.
Julian's face.
That blank expression.
I'd expected happiness. Joy. Excitement.
Not that. Not emptiness.
I thought about my past life. Tried to remember.
When Sloane had told me she was pregnant—it was at a family dinner. She'd been glowing. Holding Julian's hand. So happy.
"This is it for me. This baby—it's everything I wanted."
And Julian?
I tried to remember his reaction.
He'd smiled. Said something appropriate. Kissed her hand.
But his eyes—they'd been the same as today.
Empty.
Like he was going through the motions.
When I'd told him about Lily, he'd been cold. Angry.
"Get rid of it."
But I'd thought—I'd always thought—that with Sloane it would be different.
That he'd want that baby. Love that baby.
But today—today he'd looked the same way he'd looked at me.
Blank. Distant. Nothing.
---
The car pulled up to my building. Atlas opened my door.
"Miss Vance."
I climbed out. My legs felt weak. Shaky.
"Thank you, Atlas."
He nodded. Got back in the car. Drove away.
I stood on the sidewalk. Looked up at the building.
The fire escape was rusty. The walls covered in graffiti. Nothing like the clean, perfect world Julian lived in.
I walked into the building. Climbed the stairs.
Let myself into the apartment.
Mama was cooking. The smell of sofrito filled the air. Yuki and Diego were arguing about brush techniques in the living room.
I went to my room. Closed the door. I lay back on the bed. Stared at the ceiling. The water stain in the corner that looked vaguely like a cloud.
Sloane was pregnant.
With Julian's baby.
The baby that should have been everything he wanted.
But his face—
I couldn't stop seeing it.
That blank expression.
That emptiness.
I sat up. Hugged my knees to my chest.
All this time I'd thought he loved Sloane.
That she was the one he wanted. The one he'd chosen.
That I was nothing. Just a mistake. An inconvenience.
But what if—
What if he didn't love her either?
The thought settled in my chest. Heavy. Strange.
What if he didn't love anyone?
Not Sloane. Not me. Not even their son.
What if he just had an idea of what his life should look like? The perfect wife. The perfect family. The perfect image.
And he was just going through the motions. Playing the part.
Never actually feeling anything.
I thought about the way he looked at me sometimes. When he thought I wasn't paying attention.
The way he'd touched my face in the club. Before everything went wrong.
"You're ruining me."
He'd sounded angry. But underneath—there'd been something else.
Confusion maybe. Like he didn't understand what he was feeling.
Like he'd never felt it before.
I pressed my hands to my face.
It didn't change anything.
He still controlled me. Still owned me. Still treated me like property.
But maybe—
Maybe he didn't know how to do anything else.
Maybe love wasn't something he understood.
Not for Sloane. Not for anyone.
The realization didn't make me feel better.
It just made me feel tired.
And sad.
For him. For Sloane. For that baby she was carrying.
For all of us trapped in this mess.
I got up. Went to my desk. Pulled out my sketchbook.
Started to draw.
A man standing alone. Surrounded by people. But separate. Disconnected.
Going through the motions.
Never actually there.
My hand moved across the page.
I didn't know if I was drawing Julian.
Or myself.
Maybe both.
Maybe we were both trapped. Just in different ways.