Chapter 4—Jade

Dad seems really excited about this date. Not that I blame him. She is beautiful. She seems to be no older than 35. Dad is 40. He is in great shape. He has always taken good care of himself. Even when Mom started getting sick. I think he knew that he alone would be responsible for me. He took that very seriously. Although we miss mom terribly, I never felt even for a minute that he wasn’t present and dedicated to caring for me even when he must have been suffering. I could never thank him enough for all he does to make sure I have a good life. I’m sure it was hard for him when I decided I was ready to use Mom’s art studio he had built onto the house years ago. I think I was about fifteen. Two years after we lost her. I didn’t think I would ever be good enough to use her supplies or make anything worthy of her. But then Dad reminded me how she made me promise to never give up on art. That a part of her was in that studio, and the only way we could keep her dreams alive, was for me to continue it for her. So, I did. And I'm so glad.

“Hurry up sweetie. We don’t want to be late for our date.” He said as he jogged down the stairs in a nice teal button up shirt and jeans. It was even ironed I noticed. He also shaved. Hmm, interesting. “Isn’t it kinds of weird to bring your kids on your first date?” I asked. “Well, I don’t think so. You are the biggest part of my life, so we are a package deal. She has to pass the Jade test before we get an alone date. And I don’t think Raine looked like a man who would just let his mom go out with a guy she didn’t know anything about. So, this will be good for all of us. And you can always use another friend. You said he is in your grade right?” So, I guess Dad didn’t notice us eyeing each other the whole morning. Good. I have to put a stop to that.

I got a nap after I left the coffee shop, but before Dad got home. If he saw me napping, he would jump right to the conclusion that I am sick. I can’t let him worry about that. I can handle that myself. Worrying him would just make it worse. I can always rest when he isn’t home. And when I feel really bad, I can go to Skye’s house. She understands my need to keep this a secret. It’s the only one I keep from my Dad. Him and I don’t lie to each other about anything, but this. I don’t really know if there is anything to worry about yet. I haven’t actually told my doctor about how I have been feeling. But what could they do anyway? There isn’t a real cure at this point. So, what is the use in worrying him?

I look over at my Dad who is just too excited right now. He looks like a teenager going on his first date. It’s pretty cute actually. I would probably have that same dumb look on my face if I was actually going on a date with Raine instead of trying to make a new “friend”. But I am doing this for him. So, I will suck it up. We hop in my Jeep since Dad only has a work truck. He’s driving. “So, sweetie, what do you think of Hope?” he asks hesitantly. “I really like her. She’s nice, and lovely, and she is an author. That’s pretty cool. You could do a lot worse,” I reply with a laugh. I get a shove in the arm for that one.

We pull up to their house and Dad looks serious for a second. “I think I might really like her Jade. I mean, I haven’t spent much time with her yet, but I feel something. You know what I mean?” Oh, I think I know exactly what he means. I feel it too. “Yeah Dad, I know. I think you should go for it. I mean, it can’t hurt to spend some time together, see where it goes.” I tell him. “Thanks Jade. Your support in this really means a lot to me. More than you could know. I don’t take this lightly. I realize that this can have a profound effect on you. Please, if you aren’t comfortable with this, let me know. You will always be my number one.” How can I not want him to be happy? He has given so much to me. “Dad, if she ends up being someone who makes you happy, then I am all for it.”

Raine comes out of the house first wearing a blue Henley shirt that almost matches his eyes. He’s carrying a soft looking brown leather jacket to match his brown shoes. There went my determination to not look at him all night. The smile on his face when our eyes meet is not helping at all. Darn you and those endless blue eyes. I see the scar again that his hair is trying to cover, and I wonder how he got it. Bull riding, rock climbing, bungee jumping? Skye told me I need to find out. Just so I know what my Dad is getting himself into of course. It’s not really for my personal knowledge or anything. He gets into the back with me and then I see Hope come out of the house. My Dad’s face lights up. I guess I don’t need to ask if he still feels something for her. It’s as plain as day. Good for him.

We start off on our way to McWay Falls. It is this gorgeous waterfall that’s right by the beach. I realize when I see their faces, that I take a beautiful site like this for granted sometimes. I should never do that. Life is too precious to not enjoy every single thing about it. Raine is speechless. Mouth open just a little as he looks at it. The wonder in his eyes is like a little boy seeing a table full of candy. I want to reach out and take his hand and feel like we are experiencing this together. But I suppose we actually are. Thanks to our parents. They seem to be in their own little world right now. Heads together. The smile breaking out across both of their faces. Hope is looking at the waterfall and Dad is looking at her. I think I know exactly how he feels right now.

I don’t know what they are saying, but I’m sure Dad is telling her everything he knows about this place. She looks fascinated. “We are going to walk closer Mom.” Raine says while looking at it in wonder. He waits to get a quick head nod of approval from her. That is pretty sweet that he always checks with her first. As we approach, he reaches over and grasps my hand in his big strong one. “I'm just in awe of this Jade. I never knew I would ever be so close to such beauty in person. In all my wildest dreams, I couldn’t have imagined something as beautiful as this.” He looks at me and I think maybe I see a deeper meaning to his words. But I’m clearly delusional.

This man doesn’t say a lot, but when he does, it seems his words are full of importance. Now I wish I could hear a lot more of his private thoughts. I guess I will just have to do less talking and more listening from now on. I look at him and nod my head to agree with him wholeheartedly. “I lived in the midwest. It was a lot of flat land and tumbleweeds. Nothing as majestic as this.” He looks back up to the waterfall and then out to the ocean. I start to speak without thinking. Words just start coming out like they need to. “My Mom used to paint landscapes. Beautiful rolling hills, Rocky Mountains. And of course, the ocean. When I see something as beautiful as this,” I say holding out my other hand to the site in front of us, “I can’t help but think of her. It’s almost like still being with her. That’s why I think I will always live near an ocean.”

He closes his eyes momentarily and takes a deep breath. “I'm so sorry to hear about your Mother Jade. But you will always have your memories. No one can take those from you.” I nod again looking right into his eyes. He is being genuine. Not just saying what he thinks I want to hear. His hand tightens on mine just for a second. I wonder what happened to his dad. But I will never pry. I don’t like opening up when I'm not ready. We start walking even closer until we can feel the mist of the water on our faces. He turns toward it and closes his eyes, taking it all in. “This is awesome,” he says. “I'm really glad that I got to see this for the first time with you.” He looks at me once again and I feel that little chill up my spine again. Oh, this is very, very bad.

We start to walk further up the beach, stopping to pick up shells and sea glass every now and then. We talk about the school we will both be in. I have gone there since kindergarten. It turns out that Raine has always been home schooled. He lost a little time moving around. So now he is going to complete his senior year to get his diploma. He sounds a little nervous about the whole situation. I agree of course to show him around the school and introduce him to all the teachers. The thought of him meeting all the other senior girls is giving me a weird feeling. Is that jealousy? Yep, pretty sure that’s the one. I am a goner. I have known this guy for one day. How is it possible I can have feelings of jealousy?

Raine asks me lots of questions about what I do when I'm not in school or painting. I tell him all about the women’s shelter. He seems genuinely impressed. He wants to know how he can help. But men being at the actual shelter is never a good idea. It can make many of the women uncomfortable. So, we start to brainstorm some ideas so he can help, but not at the actual shelter. “Maybe you could volunteer to play at the auction. They have a dinner and dancing beforehand. They usually pay the band. So that would save some money that could go back to the shelter,” I suggest. “Well, um, I don’t usually play in public. I mean today was the first time actually.” He looks nervous to admit this. I'm just shocked. “How have you never played any gigs before? You are so good. I just don’t get it!” He hesitates, and then explains. “Well, I lived a pretty sheltered life on a farm actually. I just never had the opportunity.” He looks almost pained to say it. Then I feel a little bad for pushing. “I’m sorry Raine, I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t owe me any explanation. I sometimes say everything that pops into my head.” His smile tells me he’s okay. Then we turn and head back toward where we left our parents. My hand still warmly surrounded by his.

The ocean breeze is starting to get cool as the sun starts to set. He offers me his jacket, which he’s been holding in his other arm. I can’t help myself from accepting. It smells like leather and a little woodsy smell that I think is him. I discreetly take a whiff. I see his lips turn up just a little and his eye brow raises in question. I just shrug my shoulders like it is the most natural thing to be sniffing his clothing. I hear a tiny laugh come out of him. He then leans just a little closer to me and takes a whiff of my hair. I look suddenly at his face to see that smile again. “Hey, if you can do it, I can do it too. It’s only fair.” Now I let out a little laugh of my own. Okay, maybe I'm not that unusual after all.

We drop each other’s hand as we draw closer to our parents still sitting on a rock talking. They look completely wrapped up in their conversation. But they aren’t touching at all. My Dad is very discreet on his date I guess. Or maybe it’s for my benefit. They finally notice us approaching and my Dad asks if we would like to go out for some food. That actually sounds really good, and we readily agree.